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Young Writers Society


Dialogue



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Sun Jun 05, 2011 6:31 pm
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dmohlajee says...



Mr. Paulo Friere and Mr. Bell are two teachers that work at OPRF high school are sitting at a table, along with their friend Mr. A.S. Neil who is a good friend of theirs. Divya comes in to get assistance with some things that she is having trouble with in class. The four of them begin to chat away they begin to get off topic.

Divya: Mr.Friere what’s a normal day in your classroom like?

Mr. Friere: I teach differently from the usual stereotypical ways of teaching, I don’t mean to say that all teachers teach the same, I just mean that I lead my classes a little bit differently than most teachers. I feel as though most teachers are in complete control over their classroom, and I choose to allow my classto be very flexible and I allow them much more freedom than most teachers would. If someone needs to leave they leave, if someone needs to speak then they speak. If my students want to do their homework and take tests and quizzes they can and if they don’t want too, I’m not going to tell them that they have to take it. I allow students to control the discussions, and it can be about almost anything, usually they talk about the curriculum but if they don’t then who am I to stop them? I feel like learning is something that someone must choose to do, because if one is always forced to learn then they really aren’t getting everything they should from learning, but if someone does choose to learn then they will take so much more away from the learning process.

Divya: Does that always work?

Mr. Friere: Well once you push past the stereo typical students that abuse the freedom; it is actually a nice way to learn because it’s so different from what you’re used to doing. The students seem to take much more away from learning. It really does allow students to be able to be flexible with what they learn, and they are able to leave the class gaining a new learning perspective.

Divya: I don’t know it sounds like it would be a bit chaotic if you allowed students to have complete control, I don’t know how well that learning style would suit me. I definitely like the idea of being able to experience a new learning style, but I feel like students would be too in control.

Mr. Bell: Oh yeah, one day I allowed all my classes to have freedom over what they discussed in class.

Divya: It didn’t work too well in our class. Everyone was given a big amount of freedom in such a small amount of time. I felt overwhelmed being given so much freedom right away with absolutely no warning. Our class really just had no idea what to do with our freedom so we just stuck to what we knew, and what we knew was that if you have the freedom to control class discussions then what was the point in having class. So we just wasted an entire class period due to the fact that we had so much freedom. I feel like we shouldn’t have been given such a large amount of freedom, but our usual classes seem pretty productive. The class is basically in control of what the discussion is about, but we have a little assistance from Mr.Bell because when we struggle with things to talk about he will kind of jump in and assist us. If we balance out both of these things then our English class would learn so much! Right, Mr. Bell?

Mr. Bell: Hmm maybe.

Mr. Neil: I don’t know if balancing both would be such a good idea Divya, I really think that by giving so much freedom to the students, and then learning will become more of a privilege than a stress. Especially when you’re dealing with children, when you give them the freedom in a class they usually end up taking a lot out of it. At Summer Hill, we give complete freedom to our students, for example they have no dress code, they get to choose whether or not they want to come to school, and they are left free. In the end, people always end up going to their lessons.

Divya: I completely disagree with the idea that people will go to the lessons no matter what. Our class showed a perfect example of how we could just waste away one class period, there must be a balance between structure and freedom in classes. It really does manage to benefit both kinds of learning types. It would give our class stability between freedom and structure which we need.

Mr. Bell: Well I think I’ve done a good job balancing freedom and structure in our class. What do you think Divya?

Divya: Well I think that you have been doing a really good job of giving us freedom but I think that you have been lacking structure. Since we are students, we do need some sort of direction, we need you to help direct us in the direction we are supposed to go in, and I feel that by lacking a certain amount of structure, we are not able to receive that type of structure. Work in this class tends to get really stressful mainly because of the fact that it’s hard to figure out which direction we’re supposed to go in because we are never given clear instruction on which direction it is expected for us to go in. Although, I feel like you have done a good job of maintain a certain level of structure, like in class when we have class discussions it’s really easy to jump in and follow what’s going on. When it comes to out of class assignments that’s when it tends to get a bit confusing.

Mr. Bell: Well do you think that given more structure is a change that is necessary?

Divya: Yes, I definitely think that given more structure, our class would benefit greatly. It’s something that is a necessity that is very easily possible. Just little things like explaining what is expected from a student while doing assignments. Like when we have projects, papers, or tests, explain what you expect from us in order to be successful in the class.

Mr. Bell: So given a little bit more structure you would benefit from the class more? How do you feel about the level of freedom I give you?

Divya: Having the freedom in class is useful. Being able to speak out in class, and having more freedom while writing is very beneficial because it allows us to control some part of what we learn to a limit. I like the amount of freedom we have, and if you combine that with a little bit more structure, it would definitely help our class.
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 4:29 am
emoticon220 says...



Hey,I'm Moti,i'll be your reviewer today.Over all I liked it. Discussions are something I don't see a lot on here and I admire your individuality. Nit Picks:
1. Mr.Friere says "stereotypical" quite a few times.
Mr. Friere: Well once you push past the stereo typical students that abuse the freedom;
I feel like it is unnecessary in this sentence and that is should be:
"Well, once you push past the students that abuse the freedom" (Also,Take add a coma after well and make the semicolon a coma)
2.
l: I don’t know if balancing both would be such a good idea Divya, I really
Put a period here instead of a comma,or it'll be a run on.
3.
we do need some sort of direction, we need you to help direct us in the direction
you say "direction" and "point us in the right direction"A TON in this whole paragraph. It's very redundant.Look up some synnonyms for that or figure out a way to say the same thing without "Direction". Also, "direct us in the direction" is basically saying the same word twice. perhaps "lead" or "move".
4. I feel like this is missing a conclusion. The conversation just stops. Add something to end the discussion.
I liked the feel of it and how you added all points of view,teachers, teaching styles and students. I liked how it flowed and everyone got a chance to speak.
O thin men of Haddam,/Why do you imagine golden birds?/Do you not see how the blackbird/Walks around the feet/Of the women about you?
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Sun Jun 26, 2011 6:42 pm
Toto25 says...



Hello, Tory here! I liked the idea of this piece. I enjoyed each teacher giving their point of view which happened to be the opposite of each others, it was debate. I agree with emoticon220, it did have a lot of repetition especially the word structure and how it is being used in the teachers classroom. I felt you could have elaborated on what kind of structure. I thought work was incredibly unique I could tell you had put a lot of thought into each point of view, that tells me you have an open mind and I wouldn't be scared to have a conversation with you about controversial topics. Now, I am sorry but it is time for a little nit-picking at the grammar.

The four of them begin to chat away they begin to get off topic.

This could be split in to two sentences, or after you say
The four of them begin to chat away

you could put a comma. The word begin is used twice in one sentence, I would try to avoid doing that just because of the impression it can give on the writing. Never be afraid to use the online thesaurus. I use it SO much I have a synonyms coming out out of my ears! Haha! This is what could be done with the sentence.
The four of them begin to chat away, the conversation starts to veer off topic.

This is just a suggestion of how synonyms and sentence variation can look.
Okay just one more thing about using a thesaurus that could help you. Each of your characters seemed a bit dry and robotic, stating their arguments but not impressing on the reader a personality. A thesaurus could open up the Dialogue Haha... so each side of the debate could not only be an idea but a certain personality type, using words unique to the person and ideology represented.
Thank you! Keep writing! :)
Not with things as they are, but with things as they might be and ought to be.
-Aristotle
  





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Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:46 pm
SkyeDreamer says...



This was very interesting. The major nitpicks have been pointed out, except for one.
along with their friend Mr. A.S. Neil who is a good friend of theirs.
Their friend who is a good friend of theirs? Hmm... that's too redundant. Try rewording it: Along with Mr. A.S. Neil, a good friend of theirs. Very neat piece, thanks for posting!
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Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:47 pm
snickerdooly says...



Mr. Paulo Friere and Mr. Bell are two teachers that work at OPRF high school are sitting at a table, along with their friend Mr. A.S. Neil who is a good friend of theirs. Divya comes in to get assistance with some things that she is having trouble with in class. The four of them begin to chat away they begin to get off topic.

Divya: Mr.Friere what’s a normal day in your classroom like?

Mr. Friere: I teach differently from the usual stereotypical ways of teaching, I don’t mean to say that all teachers teach the same, I just mean that I lead my classes a little bit differently than most teachers. I feel as though most teachers are in complete control over their classroom, and I choose to allow my classto be very flexible and I allow them much more freedom than most teachers would. If someone needs to leave they leave, if someone needs to speak then they speak. If my students want to do their homework and take tests and quizzes they can and if they don’t want too, I’m not going to tell them that they have to take it. I allow students to control the discussions, and it can be about almost anything, usually they talk about the curriculum but if they don’t then who am I to stop them? I feel like learning is something that someone must choose to do, because if one is always forced to learn then they really aren’t getting everything they should from learning, but if someone does choose to learn then they will take so much more away from the learning process.

Divya: Does that always work?

Mr. Friere: Well once you push past the stereo typical students that abuse the freedom; it is actually a nice way to learn because it’s so different from what you’re used to doing. The students seem to take much more away from learning. It really does allow students to be able to be flexible with what they learn, and they are able to leave the class gaining a new learning perspective.

Divya: I don’t know it sounds like it would be a bit chaotic if you allowed students to have complete control, I don’t know how well that learning style would suit me. I definitely like the idea of being able to experience a new learning style, but I feel like students would be too in control.

Mr. Bell: Oh yeah, one day I allowed all my classes to have freedom over what they discussed in class.

Divya: It didn’t work too well in our class. Everyone was given a big amount of freedom in such a small amount of time. I felt overwhelmed being given so much freedom right away with absolutely no warning. Our class really just had no idea what to do with our freedom so we just stuck to what we knew, and what we knew was that if you have the freedom to control class discussions then what was the point in having class. So we just wasted an entire class period due to the fact that we had so much freedom. I feel like we shouldn’t have been given such a large amount of freedom, but our usual classes seem pretty productive. The class is basically in control of what the discussion is about, but we have a little assistance from Mr.Bell because when we struggle with things to talk about he will kind of jump in and assist us. If we balance out both of these things then our English class would learn so much! Right, Mr. Bell?

Mr. Bell: Hmm maybe.

Mr. Neil: I don’t know if balancing both would be such a good idea Divya, I really think that by giving so much freedom to the students, and then learning will become more of a privilege than a stress. Especially when you’re dealing with children, when you give them the freedom in a class they usually end up taking a lot out of it. At Summer Hill, we give complete freedom to our students, for example they have no dress code, they get to choose whether or not they want to come to school, and they are left free. In the end, people always end up going to their lessons.

Divya: I completely disagree with the idea that people will go to the lessons no matter what. Our class showed a perfect example of how we could just waste away one class period, there must be a balance between structure and freedom in classes. It really does manage to benefit both kinds of learning types. It would give our class stability between freedom and structure which we need.

Mr. Bell: Well I think I’ve done a good job balancing freedom and structure in our class. What do you think Divya?

Divya: Well I think that you have been doing a really good job of giving us freedom but I think that you have been lacking structure. Since we are students, we do need some sort of direction, we need you to help direct us in the direction we are supposed to go in, and I feel that by lacking a certain amount of structure, we are not able to receive that type of structure. Work in this class tends to get really stressful mainly because of the fact that it’s hard to figure out which direction we’re supposed to go in because we are never given clear instruction on which direction it is expected for us to go in. Although, I feel like you have done a good job of maintain a certain level of structure, like in class when we have class discussions it’s really easy to jump in and follow what’s going on. When it comes to out of class assignments that’s when it tends to get a bit confusing.

Mr. Bell: Well do you think that given more structure is a change that is necessary?

Divya: Yes, I definitely think that given more structure, our class would benefit greatly. It’s something that is a necessity that is very easily possible. Just little things like explaining what is expected from a student while doing assignments. Like when we have projects, papers, or tests, explain what you expect from us in order to be successful in the class.

Mr. Bell: So given a little bit more structure you would benefit from the class more? How do you feel about the level of freedom I give you?

Divya: Having the freedom in class is useful. Being able to speak out in class, and having more freedom while writing is very beneficial because it allows us to control some part of what we learn to a limit. I like the amount of freedom we have, and if you combine that with a little bit more structure, it would definitely help our class.



I didn't see any punctuation errors or anything like that but I felt that it was very bland. It was written nicely but I wasn't incredibly interested in it I liked the idea of having the teachers talk and communicate their different classroom techniques and things.
Thanks for posting
Peace,
Snickerdooly
"Characters cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." Helen Keller
  








It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
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