Young Writers Society

"Which sites do you find addictive, other than facebook of course?" I asked my friend. "Twitter!" she replied with cheerfully
"Any other site?"
"Any and every site Taylor Lautner is registered into!", she giggled. I rolled my eyes, realizing that asking her such question isn't going to get me anywhere. As the bell rang, I absent-mindly walked out of the classroom, deep in thoughts. I did meet some people on the way, all of those who smiled broadly and shook my hand and the lips moved into forms of words. I never really heard what they said, I just smiled and shook their hand. My social life has become quite popular now, hasn't it? With me being the usual me to me being at my editor's chair making sure there aren't any mistakes on our weekly issue of our school's tabloid, "Our Own Crunch".

My social life has increased greatly - but it's my virtual social life that has dramatically changed! I don't know where all these people came from, really I don't. I'm postive I don't know them all, well, I was until one random girl wallposts me saying its been quite a while since we've met. Now, I ain't so sure of it.
From 400 friends on facebook to 200 followers on twitter, there was once a time when I actually sat in front of the mirror and combed my hair. Now, I sit front of the computer replying to a million or so wallposts.
I never thought that anything would ever be more addictive than facebook and/or twitter. Boy, oh boy how wrong was I!

Durning an April's issue of "Our Own Crunch.", as I was doing some paperwork, one of our teacher-reporters walked up to me and said, "Natashayna-" Oh, how I hate it when people use my whole name! "-I've got great news!" She said excitedly. "What is it, Ms. Marks?" I mumbled, not bothering to look up from my papers.
"Young Writers' Society!"
"Kya?" I replied in Hindi, meaning 'what' or 'huh'. "Where is that, ma'am? I hope you know our buget. The place better not be to far either, you know, the bus and all that. Also-"
"No, no silly!" she cut me off with a laugh.I was shocked - not because she cut me off but that she laughed and called me silly - in a nice tone! Ms. Marks was one of the most strictest teachers in whole of the Gems Acdemy and no one has ever seen her smile, yet alone laugh!
My head sprang up, my pen fell, my eyes widened and my jaws hung open. Surely this must be a nightmare!, I thought. "It's a site!" she said. I managed to croak a "Uh-huh".
"And I want you to post it on our issue next week." she continued.
"But, Ma'am-" I said looking down at the pile of requests from the students. They were just too many of them to reject!
"-can't we put it on the next issue and not this one, please?"
"No. You either put it on this issue, or else it will be the vacant head-editor's seat on the papers. Front page too!. You want that?" she asked me threatningly.
"No ma'am." I mumbled. But hey! Look on the bright side! Atleast she's back to normal; whatever her normal was.

So then it did go on the week's issue and the response surprised us all. Usually students at my school are the ones who'd do anything and everything related to arts, like dramas, dance shows, singing competitions etc. So when they give such a response to something "studies" related, who wouldn't be shocked?
"What the-?" I mumbled checking out the big bag with letters popping out.
"Have a good weekend, Natasha." One of the gossip coloumn girls smirked as she head out. I went home, grabbed a snack and started going through those letters. After sometime, I decided it was time I take a break. I was just to tired for this! Also my fingers was bleeding thanks to those many papercuts.
I switched on my laptop and googled Young Writers Society. Clicking on the link given to me, I found the site intersting. Students. They are all students and are mostly my age! Thus, I started visiting the site more often; but as a guest.

An addict. Thats what I had become. An addict who is addicted to Young Writers' Society. The site had captured my every thought and erased what was the most important to me from my life - my job and my facebook account. [Thankfully, I wasn't sacked from my job.] Ever since then, I've always asked people, "Which site do you find addictive?" hoping for an answer different from Facebook and Twitter. And thankfully, there were. So, I've been proven wrong. There are sites much much more addictive then facebook and twitter, and for me its YWS. But here's a question; Will there be a site more addictive than Young Writers' Society, Facebook AND Twitter? For me, anyways?

Only time will tell.

Icy here as requested!
Firstly, I'm not too sure as to the purpose of this story? It doesn't have to have one of course, but that might help me to understand it a little better.

Justtrying wrote:"Which sites do you find addictive, other than facebook of course?" I asked my friend. "Twitter!" she replied withcheerfully

This is quite a bland beginning, and wouldn't really encourage me to read on. Try adding something to make it more interesting!

Justtrying wrote:"Any and every site Taylor Lautner is registered into!", she giggled. I rolled my eyes, realizing that asking her such questionwasn't going to get me anywhere.

Watch your tenses!

Justtrying wrote:With me being the usual me to me being at my editor's chair making sure there aren't any mistakes on our weekly issue of our school's tabloid, "Our Own Crunch".

There are a lot of 'me's' in this sentence and it seems to run on quite a bit. See if you can find a natural end to a sentence somewhere in the middle - it would make it easier to read.

Justtrying wrote:"-I've got great news!" she said excitedly.

Capital letter isn't needed.

Justtrying wrote:"What is it, Ms. Marks?" I mumbled, not bothering to look up from my papers.

New paragraph when a person speaks.

Justtrying wrote:Ms. Marks was one of the most strictest teachers in whole of the Gems Acdemy and no one has ever seen her smile, yet alone laugh!

Show us - don't tell us!

Justtrying wrote:Front page too!.You don't need the period after the exclamation mark. You want that?"

Justtrying wrote:So then it did go on the week's issue and the response surprised us all. Usually students at my school are the ones who'd do anything and everything related to arts, like dramas, dance shows, singing competitions etc. So when they give such a response to something "studies" related, who wouldn't be shocked?

You never really explain the response and that makes it hard to follow. Was it positive or negative?

Overall impressions:
I can't really imagine the editor being one of the most popular people in school. This may be different for you of course, but as a general rule someone is ridiculed for taking part in their school uniform. Also, if she's as popular as you say why aren't there people constantly leaning over to talk to her in the lesson?
I liked the way you showed how addictive YWS is - I can relate to that!
I hope this didn't seem too harsh
I'll take a look at your other piece soon - it's on my reading list!

Hey, Justtrying! Jash here for a very quick review. Some nitpicks:

"Which sites do you find addictive, other than facebook of course?" I asked my friend.
<new paragraph>
"Twitter!" she replied with cheerfully

"Any and every site Taylor Lautner is registered into!." She giggled.

I'm postive I don't know them all, well, I was until one random girl wallposts me saying its been quite a while since we've met.

I'm not so sure about this sentence. Read it twice, but it's still confusing me. Plus, is wallpost allowed as a verb? There's google, I know.

From 400 friends on facebook to 200 followers on twitter, there was once a time when I actually sat in front of the mirror and combed my hair.

Make clear what you're trying to tell here. Like, "...there actually was once a time when I just st in front of the mirror..." Got it?

Now, I sit in front of the computer replying to a million or so wallposts.

I never thought that anything would ever be more addictive than facebook and/or twitter. Boy, oh boy how wrong was I!

This shouldn't be a separate paragraph.

"-<use dashes NOT hyphens>I've got great news!" she said excitedly.
<new paragraph>

I hope you know our budget.

?

"No, no silly!" she cut me off with a laugh.<space>I was shocked - not because she cut me off but that she laughed and called me silly - in a nice tone!

I couldn't quite grasp the meaning of that phrase. In her nice tone?

Ms. Marks was one of the most strictest teachers in the whole of the Gems Acdemy and no one has ever seen her smile, let alone laugh!

Surely this must be a nightmare!<no comma> I thought.
<new paragraph>
"It's a site!" she said. I managed to croak a "Uh-huh".

"And I want you to post it on our issue next week," she continued.

Front page too!.<no period>

At<space>least she's back to normal; whatever her normal was. <totally unnecessary>

So then it did go on the week's issue and the response surprised us all.

Whose response?

Usually students at my school are the ones who'd do anything and everything related to arts (like dramas, dance shows, singing competitions, etc.) so when they give such a response to something "studies" related, who wouldn't be shocked?

Only a suggestion.

Purple highlight: studies-related? I know what you're trying to say, but the sentence is a bit awkward.

One of the gossip column girls smirked as she headed out.

I didn't like the way you were using too much exclamation points. Hope I've helped I know YWS is helping you a lot. It's a great site, but don't get too addicted! *laughs* You should also comb your hair! =)) I know this is such a quick review. But please feel free to message me if you have any questions.