Young Writers Society

This was inspired by my avatar. I thought she looked like a fairy only she didn't have wings. So I decided that she was fairy stuck being mortal. This is how imagine the experience of a fairy waking up to mortality. Enjoy and tell me what you think! Maybe I'll make it into a book....


What is this tingling sensation eating at my fingers then up my arms? My toes and up my legs? I can’t see. What is this around me? A veil? I put my hands to my eyes. No, there is nothing. I sit up an look about me. I make out shapes in the distance. No, not a veil, but the absence of light. Darkness- something unheard of to me. I feel wind on my cheek and in my hair, only it’s strange. The sensation in my skin strengthens at its touch. It is now overpowering. I cradle myself in my arms but it doesn’t help. This feeling, it hurts-something foreign to me. I realize I am cold! Not the touch of something else but me-my body! Where am I? Where is the light? The warmth? I stand. The glow of my skin is gone and my body heavy. I know it will never again leave the ground. Then I feel a pounding in my chest. My heart-it’s beating furiously. It’s not that my heart didn’t beat before, it did but softly with a love for life. This beating is heavy and with each beat I feel a part of me being ripped away. I catch my breath at the thought (something suddenly so difficult). Life! My Life! It’s leaving me! Bit by bit! I’m no longer whole! A sharp feeling floods my chest and stomach. It’s not unlike the hurting sensation on my skin and in my bones but it’s deeper. It’s in my soul and can’t be touched. This hurt is so overpowering! I can’t breathe! I fall to my knees. Sadness. Terror. The words break into my mind, echoing on and in the walls now hold up inside of me. I’ve never felt these emotions before. I’ve never heard of them. Then I realize that I’m lost. All I've ever known and loved is gone. Finally then warmth comes in the form of tears. At first I am amazed by them. So strange and almost beautiful; but they soon grow cold and icy, the warmth and life of them gone. Will this be my end as well? Will I have an end? I know and can feel that I will with each beat of my heart. Then I realize what has happened and where I am. Mortality. I am lost in it. Lost in Mortality.

Am obsessed with fairies, vampires or any mythological character.

So naturally I loved the theme.

I think you should expand the story. Tell us how she became a mortal. I for one really want to know.

Otherwise, I liked the concept and writing.

Good job

I'm a little obsessed with fairies and celtic legends. And werewolfs more then vampires:) Team Jacob all the wat twilight wise:):) Anyway thanks! Yeah I may make it into a book.I actually haven't decided how she becomes mortal. I haven't got that far...

Hey there. I do like a good, dark fairytale.

It's definitely intriguing, and I think you've captured her emotions quite well. There's a good example of showing, instead of telling. I didn't realize right away that the tingling was supposed to be from cold, but once you eluded to it, I understood. Personally, I like that in a story.

Alright, I do have a few critiques.

What is this tingling sensation eating at my fingers then up my arms?

I'd suggest changing 'then' to 'and' for better continuity, since you use it in the next sentence.

I sit up and look about me.

I realize I am cold!

Consider using a period instead of an exclamation point; it somewhat detracts from the drama of the scene.

It’s not that my heart didn’t beat before; it did, but softly with a love for life.

I'm interested to see where you go with this. I can't help but feel for the poor narrator. Well done, and please do let me know if you decide to continue this!

i loved the story......
you have captured the emotions well....
i love the flow of writing.......
i would definitely like to read more of it......

Wow, very intriguing! Captured my intrest and held it there. Beautifully done, a lot of wonderful description and emotion to your piece. I especially liked these lines...

This beating is heavy and with each beat I feel a part of me being ripped away.

Sadness. Terror. The words break into my mind, echoing on and in the walls now hold up inside of me.

At first I am amazed by them. So strange and almost beautiful

I liked how you expressed her amazment at such simple things, like the cold, or her heart beating, or tears. I really enjoyed your work! Thanks for sharing!

<..> Kat

Whoa. OKay, I am now a little obsessed with your writing. This is cool! I mean, hey, I know it's just a little thing based on your avvie, but man, your voice! OMG, this thing leaks with emotion! Okay, maybe I'm getting a little carried away, I know. I really hope you post one of your novels on here someday, because this just shows me the amazing potential you have for being published. I just realized I have never read anything you wrote other than the fable and a couple essays at school when we did those review things with Mr. Anderson. Obviously, I know a lot of your stuff is personal. Trust me, I totally get that. But I still hope you'll post something on here one day. Or at least publish something so I can read it then. Although I don't know if i can wait that long.