"Bolts of inspiration hit you when you least expect it !" - Padmini Baruah
Dear reader,
I am now sitting on the study table, which apparently isnt mine, where I am now trying to grasp the very mole concept. But here I am, stuck in the middle of something which I am unable to define. Literates call it a no-where and people stuck in there are wannabes. Enough said.
So, I do the obvious thing which is- let my mind wander. My mind however drifts back to The Girl whom I have been trying to forget and who has probably changed my life forever. Or for now.
She is the kind of person, an average being would like to be like and while everybody will be running around asking you to 'be as you are' and 'never change yourself', secretly they might just hold an interest for 'such people themselves. She has been a constant source of inspiration to me since I've met her. The one I would be able to match wits with in probaby a million lifetimes. Padmini Baruah - we met in the summer of 2009. Back then I never imagined that that she had so much of energy,wits and knowledge bottled up within her. Sure the eyes did give away something.
We were new to the city and we were neighbours ! We changed roads and got carried away with the flow of life. But I remained my usual self- unpolished in every aspect and invisible in all respect ! Whereas she grew and with her grew the knowlegde she carried within.
Well ,she was probably known by half of the city within a year and now by topping the CLAT 2011 she is probably known nationwide.
But where do I go from here? Where should i conclude? To be very honest I have none.
This peice is more like a revealation. Like admitting to myself. And by now if you think I am leading you blindly like on a journey with no destination, You are not wrong. I have none.
In reality, I dont know what I'm going through.. 'to be or not to be' .. where I repeatedly question my very own existence. The source itself is not clear to me! 'Bolts of inspiration hit you when you least expect it.." . Alas ! but true..You'll never know from which unlikely corner ! And I've been hit really hard . where recovery is out of question ! I fell into a turbulent sea of thoughts and where right seems wrong and I dont know what to believe ! here I am struggling for a little air of self respect. Her achievements mock at me and make me feel even more worthless. Like I'll never be able to get up and walk out on them. Like I'll always remain a hapless and an invisible being. Of course I am getting a complex here !
She is right on her path. But does it mean I'll have to follow her? I've been doing it ever since we've met. I think its time to give up on her. Time to realise that unless you take charge of yourself you are going to remain what you are..
"Pooja- you are wonderful. You'll surely be a star someday, shining and radiating some more light and warmth which will touch a lot many hearts(wet/dry) and bring a change to their lives like mine. You say you want to join politics, you will. I cherish each and every day we've spent together in our 'crummy' little Married Hostel. Your interviews on the TV were awesome and inspiring.. Your articles struck a chord within me.. Everything is close to my heart. Hope we meet again and very soon and when we do we'll have as much fun as we did ..to oblivion!.."
Meanwhile I should make something out of myself. Pooja will be joining the No.1 Law school in the country by the end of this summer. Hope when she returns back and 'if ' we meet I should be able to stand tall(she'll tall too! ) and walk upto her with confidence !
So here I am signing out with a little more confidence and self respect than I did a little while ago..
THANK YOU !
Life is full of hard times and good times. Lift your chin up, Ladies and Gentlemen.
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