Young Writers Society

just a short bit of prose didn't really know which catagorie to put it in, appreciate any reviews!

Catch me if you can, prince. Go to the foot of my window and wait the winter out, but be warned, I never promised a rope of golden hair, I never sold my son on a spinners secret. You say you love me, fine. I love you too, but it’s a dark emotion not the pure opalescent you imagine it too be. My love for you belongs deep in a tangled wood underneath a blood red cloak; my love for you was the root of Blue beards pain; the motive behind the beasts crimes.
In a way those have always been the stories I was drawn to, not princes and golden haired girls, but the gritty ones. The ones I could relate too, and echoed in me a deep understanding of the sin. You think you are a prince, brave and young. But in truth we all are the villains, the condemned and desperate. We write stories of angles, people without crime or sin, but that is all they are, stories, just as the words of god are defey us. They all stem from a deep denial of human nature, an inbuilt instinct to hide from ourselves. So, we are all the cowards running from the dark pool inside ourselves that we can never escape from. The worst crimes are all the ones wich we yearn for the most. I am not saying they are right, but you must remember this, I am not a princess, you are not a prince and this world, this dark twisted world was never a fairytale.

Hi, Eva.

Well, this was pretty different from what I was expecting. In a good way, of course. Despite your title mentioning point blank "Not a Fairytale", I suppose I still wasn't expecting for the writing to pack that much of a sharp edge. The first paragraph was beautiful. It carried it's own weight very nicely, like a well-spoken person who knows what they mean and mean what they say. And that's exactly the type of impression I assume you wanted to give off. So nice job on it.

The second paragraph you have here didn't quite do it for me for some reason. I still very much liked this in an overall sense, but your second paragraph seemed to me a bit to explanative and not as blunt and to the point as the first one. Though it ended on a good note, I wish you would have continued to play it off as smooth and flowing as the first paragraph. But that was just my impression of it.

You had a few small mistakes here that I thought I'd point out to you.

The ones I could relate to, and echoed in me a deep understanding of the sin.

We write stories of angels, people without crime or sin,

Other than that, I think what you have here is really great for how short it is. Normally I'm not as big a fan of such brief pieces, but you had a point and you got through your point almost effortlessly. The second paragraph could us some minor tweaking I think to help match the flow of the first paragraph, but other than that, I think you're good.

-Smylin'

This is a very powerful piece, which just gets strange to the point! no one is perfect. no matter how many good things people do they will never be perfect, no one can be. You showed this very clearly and it's true, it's NOT a fairy tale! I think at some points in our lives everyone can realate to this piece it brilliant! well done, keep writing!!!