Young Writers Society

Instead of our conventional angel and devil, each sitting on one shoulder, trying to tell the protagonist what to do- imagine this. There are two of you, coexisting. You are mirror images of each other, identical on the surface. No, people don't see another separate version of you walking up to them to say hello just five minutes after you did. You coexist, and you inhabit the same body, sharing the same flesh and bones.

You look so alike that you could have been identical twins. Actually, you possess the same physical characteristics- height, frame, jawline, but a different look in the eye. In other words, beneath that facade, you both know that you both are different. Opposites. Notwithstanding what you appear to be.

Sometimes, you're what people see you to be. At least, in their impressions. Sometimes, you're her. Another you. Other times your mind is like a pendulum, swinging from one end to another. At times, you find an appropriate spot, somewhere between the two ends.

Between the two virtual doppelgangers.

Now you may be wondering why in the world I've written all of these. I'm not mad. I'm not available for business, a psychiatrist would say. Have you heard of the terms- primary and secondary personality types? My coursemates and I had the test soon after we enrolled in this course. Such a personality test would classify you into four categories- Dominant, Influential, Stability and Compliant. Next, bingo! You have a second personality as well. Most of the time, you could be a Dominant and Influential, or a Stability and Compliant.

Guess what? I'm a Dominant.... and a Compliant. Wow.

Doppelgangers. Indeed.

Have you ever pondered upon this?

But if you're like me, at some point you will, or have realized that there are no doppelgangers. Just many mirror images of you, several sides of you.

And perhaps, one and only one last of you.

Hey, so I'm Izon and I'ma review your work here...
I like it. I do. It's a nifty idea... but I feel like it could flow a lot better. I mean, this is fine as an outline, but if it's supposed to be the introduction to a story it needs a lot of work. I'm going to treat this like you meant it as an introduction. I'll help out by inserting comments in bold-italics

I don't like the first sentence, it doesn't sound like a story - it sounds like a proposition. Maybe start with this second sentence, though with slight editing...
You are two perfectly opposite people, coexisting. You are mirror images of each other, identical on the surface. I feel like the sentence I have edited out here was too long and unneeded. You Because you used "coexisting" just a sentence back, it is unneeded here. inhabit the same body, sharing the same flesh and bone No "s" needed, though if you find it aesthetically pleasing there is nothing grammatically wrong with it.

This entire second paragraph just repeats the first. If you want to emphasize how you are different, add a line about it to the end of the previous paragraph. Otherwise, it is implied.

Sometimes, [i]"you are" makes this sound more mystic what people see you to be. Sometimes, you are her. The other you. Other times your mind is like a pendulum, swinging from one end to the other, (then make this one sentence) and you find an appropriate spot no comma somewhere between the two ends.

Between the two virtual doppelgangers. This should end the previous paragraph, not be one on it's own. Also, the term "virtual" sounds kind of awkward and I don't know what is meant by it - it confuses the reader.

Now you may be wondering why in the world I've written all of this. I'm not mad. I'm not available for business, as a psychiatrist might say. Have you heard of some of these words are unneeded, I've erased them. Also, no dash. primary and secondary personality types? My coursemates like classmates? and I took the test soon after we enrolled in this course. The personality test would classify you as a member of four categories: (colon, not dash) Dominant, Influential, Stable and Compliant. Not only that, but you have a second personality as well. Most of the time, you are either Dominant and Influential, or Stable and Compliant.

Guess what? I'm a Dominant.... and a Compliant. Wow.

Doppelgangers, indeed.

Have you ever thought about this?

No "but" needed. If you're like me, at some point you will realize that there are no doppelgangers. Just many mirror images of you, several sides of you.

And perhaps, one and only one last of you. I don't understand this last sentence at all. What does it mean?

I hope I helped a bit... I see a lot of potential, but it does need a lot of touching up. Keep writing! Good luck.
-Izon

This was quite interesting, and I like how you approached it descriptively rather than analytically. It makes for more compelling reading.

Unfortunately, I felt that things fell apart right at "Now you may be wondering why in the world I've written all of these." You shift gears, and while there is a transition, the gear after the first felt rougher to me, not as smoothly-written. It becomes more of an informative essay than a narrative, an I think keeping in a more narrative or descriptive tone would work better.

Rather than digress on the madness, I think this would work better if you leapt straight into the story about how your class took a personality types test, or if you went straight into the description of the different personality types. It will make the piece tighter and more focused, which is almost always a good thing, and help maintain the interest you sparked in the first half.