Young Writers Society

Payne

Rose wore one of those animal hats, the one where the top was a monkey and brown strings hung from the bottom. I could still see his black blue-streaked bangs peaking out from under the hat as he popped his bubble-gum and began typing on the laptop, a small grimace on his face. Creeping up on him, I began to read what he was typing.

8-13-11

Uncle Rios did it again. He hit me, harder then the last time. But of course, he didn't bother to stop there.
He hits me across my face first, sending me toppling into the island of the kitchen. I cower against it, taking it obediently and hoping he would go away.
He doesn't.
Instead, he strikes me again, hitting me across my bare stomach and leaving a fist-sized bruise as he had always done before. I gasp and clutch my stomach-I can feel my inner organs bleeding.
Next he gives me a hard knee to the groin. I gasp again and fall to my knees, where he kicks me, sending my body against the base of the island. The crack of my ribs echo behind the ringing in my ears as my head slams against the cabinets. Despite myself, I cry out in pain, even though this happens routinely.
He reaches down and grabs me by my wrist, yanking me to my feet as his other hand swipes at my stomach with razor-sharp nails, leaving rake-like cuts and blood streaks. I reach up to rub the spot on my head where it had collided with the island, but he slaps me, making me go still. Shoving my chest roughly, he pushes me into the counter, knocking several of his wine glasses off and into the floor. I cry out in pain again as shards of glass cut deep into my foot. He ignores me as he pulls on his coat and leaves, car keys in hand.

He suddenly slammed down the laptop lid and whirled around to face me. "Excuse you," he said, his gaze flickering over me with disapproval. "What were you doing reading my journal?"
I stared at him. "Your Uncle hits you?"
Rose jumped to his feet, hiding his laptop behind his back and sending his backpack toppling onto the ground. "No!" he replied, realizing too late that he had replied too quickly.
I arched an eyebrow at him, reaching and grabbing his laptop out of his hand. "Hey!" he shouted, but I ignored him, keeping him back with my foot as I opened it and read earlier entries.

8-10-11

Another beating. They keep getting worse and worse. This time, Uncle was completely sober when he did it. He even-I can't even type it it's so horrible. He...shoved me into the wall, then pinned me onto the bed. I squirmed, trying my best to get away from him. "Bastard," I called him. He slapped me, telling me to watch my tongue as he..he forced his hand down my pants.
I squirmed some more, only managing to get away after a few minutes of him doing the works. I shuddered, flattening myself against the wall as he grinned down on me with that perverted smirk of his. My heart thudded.
"Get out," I told to him, grinding my teeth. I had to resist the urge to raise my voice to a shout. "Get out!"
He left, one of the few times he ever did when I asked him to. He had had his fun. He no longer cared about what I did. I took out the knife from my desk drawer, and I put it to my arm. I applied pressure, not stopping even when blood ran down my arm and only when I began to get dizzy. I woke up today not surprised at all to see blood on my sheets. Ah crap-Uncle is coming and it's time for school anyway. Bye!

Rose yanked the laptop out of my hands. I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't even speak.

Hello,
I have came to do some reviewing.
I think this is pretty good. I like how you've done it as a diary type and laid out like one, which is clever. I like what you done at the beginning and how you wrote it was clever.

I can even feel my inside organs bleeding

I like this, but you don't need the even. You can write it as "I can feel my inner organs bleeding" or "I can feel my organs within me bleeding". Something that can pull someone in, because this is plain and I don't think it makes sense.

Overall, I liked it, it's cleverly done and I think you should keep writing, and in my opinion if this isn't a novel then it should have been placed in the short stories but this is only my opinion on what I would have wrote it in! But please keep writing as you have some potential.

Wow. Bravo!
That's so...sad:( but you did terrific with this.
I hope there's more to this.
The only problem I see is that you confused the "your" with "you're" in the title. Other than that, I don't think there's much else that I can say other than write on! P.S. Rose sounds cute:) never heard of a guy named Rose (unless it's pronounced 'ross') but still.
~LP

Haha, it is Rose. I was thinking of giving him an alias since he's a bit..embarrassed by his name, but...*shrugs*