Young Writers Society

A pessimists cannot have friends. You love to talk to them, but in the end you just bring them down along with you; and, when you love them, you can’t stand to see yourself do that to them. Commitment scares you, and running away seems to always be the best answer for things. What happens, though, when you have backed yourself into a corner? You feel as though you don’t belong any where, and the things you were running from have caught up with you. You know you have people who care about you, but they are only interested in hearing about the positive side of life, and you can’t seem to find it.
Your soul is slowly breaking off the bitterness and leaving the sharp pieces in your heart like shrapnel, causing you to ache in pain. There are days you just cry for no reason and you want to tell everyone how broken and lost you feel, how empty everything is, but no one cares because they have rose colored glasses; they would hate for you to fog them. Once you have told someone a tenth of the pain you feel on the inside, they tag you as a negative person; they only talk to you when they can handle being brought down. Sometimes, it would be nice to have real friends, people who care about you and value the depth of your brokenness just as much as your laughter and sunniest of days.

Evenin', Rascal.

To be very honest, I'm not sure what the heck this is supposed to be. I'm going to assume that you wrote a poem and a blog rant near the same time, and then pushed them together. You've blasted out some major literary no-nos, and I'll recap how you can change this to make it...literary.

First off, let the piece get its own identity. You go about this by figuring out the point of the piece, the emotion of the piece, and how you can convey that to the reader. I don't want to read a rant in the middle of a poem; I don't want to read someone generalizing people because of bad experiences. Mindless complaining isn't very welcome in the literary world; however, catharsis is. And there's a difference.

Second, keep God in your pocket. You pull him out of nowhere in the end of this poem, and I really wish he'd just go back to where you found him. This is a piece about people. NOT god. Keep it that way, or set up your mention of him, but don't just bring your religion out of nowhere for closure. It makes for bad literature.

Finally, give yourself a read-over to correct typos and misspellings. "A pessimists" and others are littered throughout. Fix 'em.

Hope this helps,

-Lumi

Wow. This was incredible! Truly, I found it very entertaining, deep, and emotional. I found one grammar/spelling error. That first line in the paragraph, "A pessimists cannot have friends." There should be no s at the end of pessimists. I realize this may be a typo, so that's not a huge concern of mine. I don't entirely know why the beginning and end parts are structured like poetry, but I liked it nonetheless. To me, it seemed to add an artistic feel to the person behind this piece writing it, letting out their emotions. I commend you for writing such an emotional piece, and I encourage you to keep writing. May the Force be with you.