The story was very confusing to me at first. I had no idea what was going on in the beginning, and although you did clear it up, providing more information from the start would be helpful. Specifically, I'm really just talking about whether or not the characters were aliens or not.
The grammar in the beginning was not good, but it did clear up a lot after the first paragraph. You just have a lot of run-ons and comma splices starting out. For instance:
"Two figures emerged and stood at the hatch, the first one stepped onto the roof, it was a girl dressed in a black pullover and trousers, she had a pack slung over her back and a face mask was resting on her head."
Each comma here should be period or a semi-colon. As it stands now, you got three comma splices (that is, a comma instead of a period).
But, after the opening, everything really clears up and gets interesting. You didn't grab me at first, but the story did eventually draw me in, and I ended up really liking it.
If knowledge can create problems, it is not through ignorance that we can solve them.
Isaac Asimov
Thank you for commenting, I edited the first paragraph. I didn't want to explain what the characters are in the first part, I wanted the reader to decide if they were aliens or a different type of human race.
I'm glad you liked it but I don't know if I'll continue or not.
Gender:
Points: 890
Reviews: 71