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Fool's Duel: Changers



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Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:36 pm
Twit says...



"There is no use in trying," said Alice. "One can’t believe impossible things." -- Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland



‘The corn is getting higher. Will it be ready for harvesting in the next week or so?’

‘I think so, sir, if the weather don’t break.’

Lord Tancred Ahren squinted in the morning sunlight, and looked again at the fields of corn outside the village of Berncotte. Each individual stalk stood straight and golden, and the combined effect was like an army of soldiers forming lines on the parade ground. He shifted his weight onto his left foot and became conscious of the boy at his side. He frowned.

‘Adlermund, don’t hunch your shoulders like that.’

‘Yes father.’ Adlermund hastily straightened himself. He was short for his seven years, with chestnut hair smoothed back over his head. His black eyes watched the flight of a bird far above him; it flew steadily on its way, a dark silhouette against the bright blue backdrop of the sky. It flew above the village and over the manor house behind.

Adlermund sighed and wondered how much longer his father would be. After looking at the crops, he supposed they would look at the livestock, and then the houses, and maybe then they would finish.

‘A good lord of the manor looks after his villagers,’ Tancred had said time and time again. ‘The managing of Berncotte will be your’s one day, Adlermund, so pay attention and learn while you can!’

‘Yes father,’ Adlermund would mutter, as he always did. Now he shuffled his feet and tried to remember to stand upright. Marl Hayward was still burbling on about harvesting crops; how could his father even pretend interest in such a dull subject?

‘Adlermund.’

He jumped. ‘Yes father?’

Tancred sighed. ‘Stop saying… oh, never mind. Look, we’ll be here a while. You go and talk to the other children.’

‘But father, they won’t…’

‘Adlermund, how can you expect these people to accept you if you don’t make the effort? You’re always moping about by yourself; go and speak to them. “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly,” remember.’

‘Yes father.’ Slowly, Adlermund went back through the houses to the centre of the tiny village. Women weaving in the doorways of their houses bobbed in a curtsey as he passed; some called respectfully, ‘Fine morning, sir.’ Adlermund nodded in acknowledgement, not sure whether it was proper to smile back or not. Wat Oddshanks was squatting in a patch of sunlight, a pile of tiny metal circuits by his side. Every so often he would take one and fit onto the disassembled weather predictor in his lap. He, too, nodded to the boy, then went back to his work.

The children were picking up sticks from the piles of firewood by each house. Adlermund watched them for a moment, then hesitantly came and picked up a stick as well. ‘What’re you playing?’ he asked.

The children looked at each other, surreptitiously hiding their sticks behind their backs. Finally Rigg, a brown haired boy in a dirty smock, said reluctantly, ‘Lundy Lutha. But we’ve got everyone. There isn’t anyone else you can be.’

‘I can be a soldier,’ Adlermund said. ‘Or I can be Beda’s servant. This can be my stun gun.’ He brandished his stick hopefully.

I’m Beda’s servant,’ said Rigg.

‘I know what you can be,’ said Elfleda. Her eyes were bright with glee. ‘You can be the bird that Lundy kills for lunch. Then we can catch you and pull your feathers out, and then we can roast you on the fire.’ The hope that had begun to light up Adlermund’s face died away as Elfleda and her sister chanted:

‘Bird flying high,
Bird in the sky.
Shoot bird down
To the ground,
And then the bird shall die!’


The other children looked at one another again, and some laughed behind their hands. Adlermund felt his face go hot, and he began to protest, ‘I’m not…’

‘Yes, you are!’

‘You’re a Changer, a bird Changer!’

‘There’s nothing bad with that!’ he cried.

‘Changer, Changer!’

‘Little bird Changer!’

‘It’s better than you humans!’ Adlermund tried to make his voice sound strong and commanding like his father’s, but it was too shrill, and broke in the middle.

‘Changer, Changer, little - ’

He did not wait to hear the rest, but turned and ran away from them. He ran back through the houses, away from the corn fields where his father was, away from the laughing children. He ran to the lake that lay outside the manor house, and provided irrigation for the villagers’ land. He ran around its edge, and finally stopped when he reached a point halfway between the village and the house above. The mud of the bank was sticky, and cold where the sun had not warmed it. Adlermund could feel it seeping into the seams of his boots.

He stopped, panting, and stared out at the calm waters of the lake. The sunlight flashed on the surface, sparking off white and blinding. He wiped his nose on the back of his wrist, knowing what his father would say if he saw him. He didn’t care. His father could say what he liked, do what he liked, but Adlermund knew he would never be accepted. Little bird Changer… To add to that, he was the lord of the manor’s son. To be friends with an alien who was also your liege lord was quite impossible.

He bent and picked up a stone from the mud. He threw it into the water, where it sank with a quiet plopping splash.

‘We stand together side by side,
Never shall we be parted.
The world is large, the world is wide,
But never shall we be parted.’


Adlermund hummed the song to himself, then sang the first verse aloud. He picked up another stone and threw it. This one bounced on the water, sending rings of ripples spreading out and knocking into each other, colliding and making new circles. Adlermund didn’t know the next verse, so he sang the first one again.

’We stand together, side by side,
But never shall we be parted…’


Suddenly, another voice joined in.

‘… The world is large, the world is wide,
But never shall we be parted.’


Adlermund spun around and saw a girl standing in the water a few metres away from him. She smiled at him, her wet hair hanging over her face, and came towards him, stepping through the water so it swirled around her waist. She reached the bank and hauled herself up, then sat down. Adlermund had unconsciously retreated a step away, but now he recovered himself and said, ‘Miss, you’re… wet.’

She laughed, and looked at the water dripping off her ragged dress. She was about his own age, Adlermund guessed, or maybe younger. She had very pale skin, almost translucent, and brilliantly bright blue eyes that were a striking contrast. Her hair hung down to her waist like a sleek wet scarf; shiny blue-black hair, with somehow more blue than black in it. She pushed a heavy lock of it behind her ear, and said, ‘Hello.’

‘Hello,’ Adlermund replied automatically. Then, ‘What’s your name?’

‘Dolphin.’

‘Oh.’ Puzzled, Adlermund said, ‘Why are… I mean… What were you doing in the water?’

‘Swimming. Then I heard you singing and joined in.’

‘Why?’

Dolphin looked surprised. ‘Because I wanted to. It’s a nice song. Don’t you think so? It has one verse for each type of friendship.’

‘Yes, I know.’

‘That’s why I came up. I’ve seen you around here before. You live up there, don’t you?’ She pointed to the manor house looming up large and impressive in front of them. ‘You’re the manor lord’s son, aren’t you?’

‘Yes. But… don’t you care?’

‘Care about what?’

‘That I live in the manor.’

‘Well, why should I?’

‘Everyone else does,’ Adlermund muttered. He drew a circle in the mud. He would get into trouble for the state of his hands, but he didn’t care.

Dolphin looked at him. ‘I don’t care. I want to be friends.’

This statement threw Adlermund completely off guard. ‘What?’

‘I want to be friends. Don’t you?’

‘Well…’ He frowned, his doubts rising. ‘You don’t want to be friends, you’re just pretending! Like the villagers! You just think it’s funny, and you’re going to laugh and then you’ll go and tell the others!’

Dolphin looked shocked. ‘Of course I won’t! That’d be nasty, and I’m not nasty!’

‘Then why do you want to be friends?’ Adlermund demanded.

Dolphin slid back into the water. At the bank it came up to her knees, and she waded out further. Adlermund stood at watched her, arms folded, and the frown still gouging a line between his brows. At waist depth, Dolphin stopped and looked back. ‘See, Falcon!’

‘How do you… What do you mean? My name’s Adlermund.’

She smiled, and repeated, ‘Falcon. You are Falcon. This is why I want to be friends, Falcon.’ She bowed her head, and her shoulders went back as her whole body bent forward, as though she were about to retch. Her outline shimmered, and there was a splash as she sank below the water. Then a dolphin poked its head out and opened its toothed beak in a smile. Adlermund stared, not daring to believe his eyes. The dolphin dived, and a second later, the water exploded as it leapt out, spinning itself sideways in the air before landing with a splash that sent the water flying up into froth.

‘Dolphin…’ Adlermund breathed. Then, louder, ‘Dolphin!’

The dolphin swam back as close as it could, then a shudder ran down its body, and it Changed. Dolphin stood there instead, laughing up at him, and an answering smile spread over Adlermund’s face, like the rising of the sun over the horizon.

‘See, Falcon,’ Dolphin called. She came close to the bank, and put her elbows on the muddy ground. ‘That’s why I want to be friends. Because we’re the same.’

Adlermund reached out and took her wet hand and pulled her out of the water. ‘I’m bird, and you’re fishy-like.’ He smiled again. ‘But, yes… we’re the same.’

--

I don't know if the ending's too abrupt... Comments on everything, please.
Last edited by Twit on Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:44 pm, edited 2 times in total.
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."


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Thu Sep 27, 2007 10:49 pm
canislupis says...



Wow! Me likey!!!!!!

I really enjoyed reading this. It was a bit slow in the beginning, but after about the third paragraph, you really got me interested. Maybe elborate more on why the other children don't like him? I really like the dialogue and descriptions. MORE MORE MORE MORE!!!!!!!!!
  





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Fri Sep 28, 2007 1:03 am
azure says...



I enjoyed reading this! This is a really interesting story. For my suggestion.. it's almost the same as canislupis's. Though, I'm going to add that you should make this as just a prologue of a story. This story has potential! You could start the next chapter by fast tracking to the future, how the two children are, what has happened to them and so on and so forth. I hope to read more of this! Tell me should you decide to continue this story, I don't want to miss it! :D
  





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Fri Sep 28, 2007 10:51 am
Twit says...



Thank you both for reading! And, yes, Azure, this is *just the beginning*. ^_~ This is like the pilot episode; hopefully in the future there'll be more short stories of Falcon, Dolphin and more Changers.

Thank you both!
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."


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Fri Sep 28, 2007 6:25 pm
canislupis says...



Yes, I agree with azure. As it is, I can't wait to read more of this!
The one part I didn't like was the fact that I've been working on a story similar to this one, before reading this. But I guess thats not you're fault. :)

P.S.

Please please please please enter my contest!!!!!! This definitely fits into the category.
  





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Sun Sep 30, 2007 1:16 pm
Stori says...



I'm detecting a hint of British grammar here. The one quote mark for direct quotes, spelling center as 'centre.'
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Mon Oct 01, 2007 9:11 pm
Twit says...



I'm detecting a hint of British grammar here. The one quote mark for direct quotes, spelling center as 'centre.'


Anything else? :roll: It's not just Brits who use single quotes though - Robin Hobb does as well.
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Sun Nov 11, 2007 8:40 pm
gyrfalcon says...



:smt021 Me terrible bird!

I'm sooooo sorry I haven't gotten around to critting this yet, Rome just ate up my weekend and all my strength with it! I SHALL give this the attention it deserves, my darling, just don't hesitate to BUG me!
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis
  





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Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:11 pm
Plus-One says...



ئ twit ئ wrote:
I'm detecting a hint of British grammar here. The one quote mark for direct quotes, spelling center as 'centre.'


Anything else? :roll: It's not just Brits who use single quotes though - Robin Hobb does as well.


Yay for British-ism! xP Meh...I need to read some Robin Hobb...-looks at the liveship traders book that's gathering dust-

Anyway. Back on topic!

I couldn't find anything to pick fault in at all, which is a good sign, but then again, I wasn't really looking for faults after the story began to flow...

Definately a good one-shot! With potential as said...

Though you might want to expand a bit on some of the description if you're going to start a full story on it? :)...Unless you use this as a vague-ish sort of prologue thing and expand after that!!

((Anywho, thank you for your crit too, found some things I hadn't seen! And keep up the good work! :) ))
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Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:13 am
scotty.knows says...



This is definitely something worth extending. It did start a little slow, but it definitely picked up after several paragraphs. I also agree that it would make an excellent prologue.

Top notch. How's that for British-isms? :roll:

Anyway, there wasn't really anything to critique... having said that, Kylan will probably drop in a find a bunch of stuff that God himself wouldn't notice- but it flowed remarkably well.

Just one teeny, tiny complaint that comes right in the middle.

He did not wait to hear the rest, but turned and ran away from them. He ran back through the houses, away from the corn fields where his father was, away from the laughing children. He ran to the lake that lay outside the manor house, and provided irrigation for the villagers’ land. He ran around its edge, and finally stopped when he reached a point halfway between the village and the house above. The mud of the bank was sticky, and cold where the sun had not warmed it. Adlermund could feel it seeping into the seams of his boots.


This was a little fast for me- again, this is rather picky- but it seems like one second he's standing in the courtyard and a paragraph later, he's on the other side of town. It might read a little better if you blended it with the next paragraph and had him thinking about the children ostracizing him as he ran.

That's really all I could find to pick at. You should definitely continue it. Good work.
'Merikuh!
  





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Wed Nov 14, 2007 3:33 pm
gyrfalcon says...



It's not just Brits who use single quotes though - Robin Hobb does as well.


Actually, hate to burst your bubble, but that's only in the British editions of her books. In the American ones, there're the "standard" double quotes. ;) Anyway, I came, I read, I LOVED!!! Really fantastic, darling, again your skill at creating and sustaining a believable yet fantastic world SHINES. My one problem here: the ending seemed very abrupt, and I think could have been accomplished better with a "show-don't-tell" strategy. Perhaps having Ald. (not gonna butcher his name) actually become a falcon or sumsuch would give us, the readers, a better sense of completion than just a verbal response. Does that make sense? But I really enjoyed it, darling, sorry it took me so very long to crit it!
"In a sort of ghastly simplicity we remove the organ and demand the function...We laugh at honour and are shocked to find traitors in our midst. We castrate and bid the geldings be fruitful." ~C.S. Lewis
  





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Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:48 am
Conrad Rice says...



I really liked this story. Personally, the British style of speaking did nothing for me, but other than that the dialogue was okay. The basic premise was excellent, though a little more continuation would have been good for me. But other than that, major props.
  





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Sat Jul 18, 2009 1:31 am
EliteHusky says...



I love the small hymns you created throughout this piece. Your detailed descriptions really made reading your story more enjoyable as I felt that I could possibly relate to some of the characters you mentioned. Furthermore I love the way you used Dolphin as a name, it worked really well for the scenario you presented. Will try to read more from your portfolio.

Sincerely
-Elitehusky
  





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Mon Jul 20, 2009 6:38 am
wizkid515 says...



WOW! LOVED IT! :thud:
*does happy/ likes the story dance*
You are a great writer. unlike me. I'm rubbish at writing. I need more of this. you must continue!
If you don't, guess what?
I KILL YOU!!!! :thud:
yeah, so um... great plot and stuff.

Ta Ta for now
ILL BE BACK
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
*poofed away in puff of smoke*


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