Young Writers Society

Arsla Viner leaned back in her chair staring at the holographic map. So far they had held. Humans had held Earth and the moon so far. But even this said Arsla watched holographic space ships edged toward the huge display of the Earth and Moon.

A tiny battle broke out. Orbital Satellite Weapons or OSW's instantly engaged. Laser lashed out against the organic enemy ships, tearing through the hull of the great beast/vessel. All was not good though another organic ship crushed a ship with one of its pincers and impaling the center of another sattelite.

"Smite, zoom in on the battle plz," Arsla said. Her voice echoed off of the white wall, holograms, and computers. This facility or labatory more like was in a hollowed out volcano. Tubes carrying magma flowed around the enormous room, casting a aerie red glow on things. The room was basically the whole lab other than the entrance that was almost impossible to find as it flowed with the curve of the room and then the hidden room behind a computer screen.

A computer holographic revealed the AI, Smite. Forming the body of a dark cloak only red eyes peered out from under it's hood.

"Yes milady," whispered the AI in a chilling voice.

The hologram zoomed in on the battle revealing the human ships helping the OSW's fight the attack. Zooming ships shot missiles destroying the enemy leader, who let out a silent roar as it died.

Arsla thought about the battle the United Earth Human Confederation fought. The humans could not hold out against their former brothers for long. If it were just the Organo Empire that they were fighting the wars would have ended by now but all three of the former-human races want revenge for being pressed off of there old home world. The UEHC fought not just the Organo Empire but also the Argle Scions and Pevora Kingdom.

A little short, but with a solid story. There wasn't a whole lotta room for the plot to be glimpsed at but it's a good intro. It seems to be a lot like Warhammer 40,000...

A major thing I noticed was the brief use of Text speak. There are a few spots where a comma should be put, but beyond those minor things, I would like to see the rest soon.

It was too short. I think you could've told more.
You didn't give enough detail.

You should prenounce all of your words in full words. If you know what I mean.

I did like the idea.

Nice.

Your piece was good but short. You really need to go into more detail because your story was really too hard to understand. You failed to put commas in spots and also put periods in places when you didn't need one. It was a story that needed more information presented. You also need to tell how these living ships came to be.

I guess it all goes back to being your piece is just way to short. I hope to see the next installment.

pretty hard to understand, put more detail. But overall i like the story

If I had only knew it was you Kal. I hope to see you write some more

This was very interesting, but kinda short. It's a really good introduction. I know my review isn't very constructive, but I liked this story.

very nice, reminds me of the halo books alot.

i liked it even though it was a little short.