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Death Wish



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Mon Nov 15, 2004 4:15 am
Brian says...



Copy that! Troy yelled over the comm system in response to his wingman.
The captain interrupted. Okay Gamma group, prepare for some alien butt!
The four ships in Gamma were close together, only 5 meters apart from one another, and all waited anxiously for the incoming onslaught.
He saw them first as only orange blimps on the radar, but soon enough, they seemingly appeared to materialize before him. They were only 100 klicks away, each one gray and black, just like his own. Yet, they looked more formidable, as if they were wild beasts waiting for the right time to pounce on the prey.
He could see their pilots, not physically, but mentally. He saw their brown fur waving in excitement, their eyes menacing, and their mouths snarling. He could see their muscles writhing, impatient for action. They would be drooling, their tongues hanging disgustingly over their sharp, bloody teeth.
And they were watching him.
Suddenly, he felt fear. Today he could die. He could be blown to smithereens, just another pile of ashes to be burned up in Earth s atmosphere.
Earth. It was merely a pale blue dot behind him, but it was what he would be defending. This was the last defense.
Hold positions, the captain said slowly, yet there was a tremor of apprehension in his voice.
Suddenly, Amber came over the intercom. There s... too many of them. I, I don t know about this. The words came out in starts and stops.
She was right. Troy saw more and more of them on his radar. Soon, thousands of them flooded it. He could already see the first line being raked by laser fire. Explosions happened simultaneously in hundreds of spots at once, and they continued without hesitation. Bits of shrapnel went flying past his cockpit, a human arm, torn off from its body, was still moving in space. The blood, trickling out slowly, released itself from the appendage in small globs.
Where the hell was the first fleet? he asked, rhetorically. He already knew the answer, they were destroyed. The carriers, the starships, the fighters, all gone. Over two hundred thousand souls lost forever. It was a surprise attack, and ended in a massacre.
But the captain did not take the question idly. Listen here Troy, they did their job and we will do ours.
Abruptly, the explosions stopped, and he knew they were up next. It was as if it were a baseball game. The first line scored an out, and now the second line was up at bat. He turned on the afterburners and rushed himself toward home-plate.
Amber came over the comm. There s... just too- Her voice was cut off, replaced by static. Looking to his left, he saw her ship explode into a collage of yellow flames and red shrapnel. He turned his own evasively to the right so as to not be struck by any of the remnants.
No time to mourn now.
The battle had begun in earnest. With the first line completely gone, the flagship Olympus ordered all lines of defense to attack the enemy. Troy watched briefly while he saw the starships move into the line of fire. They were hundreds of them, ranging from mere Carriers to the huge Star Cruisers. Each class had its own unique shape, which varied according to its use in battle. The medical and repair ships would stay behind the line, seemingly safe from danger.
Fighters, thousands of them, both friendly and unfriendly, were also dashing wildly, avoiding the red lasers going back and forth in an orgy of gunfire.
All around, he saw fighters blow up in groups of ones, twos, threes, and fours. Gamma was down to two, some were completely decimated.
But he took a deep breath. He once vowed to protect the Republic at all costs, and this was no time to contemplate by how much they were losing. He had to concentrate on what was at stake: liberty. The game was not over yet; it had only begun.
Banking to the right, he brought the Hycathian war-birds into full view. He disregarded the images of snarling beasts from his mind, and focused solely on the mission at hand.
With a cold, sly grin, he brought one into focus. Maneuvering the ship from starboard to portside and back again to portside, he slowly brought it into full focus, and let go a pounding rain of laser fire.
Almost instantaneously, the war-bird turned into an object of hellish destruction, and, just as sudden, it was no more.
Grinning to himself, and inwardly ebullient, he let go with another round of fire, taking out another two of the enemy.
Seeing a red, blinking light in the corner of his eye, he switched on the comm system. A distress message from the flagship filtered in. All available fighters to the Olympus! We are under heavy attack! Repeat, we are under heavy attack! Shields are rapidly decreasing! We need aid immediately!
He brought the fighter to aft and turned the engines to full blast, making his way as quickly as possible to the endangered starship. Darting past debris, asteroids, and human body parts, he was at the Olympus in little time.
Three Hycathian gunships were attacking her relentlessly. Despite the Olympus letting go a torrent of torpedoes, they would not leave, at least quietly. His sensors indicated they were at 30%, 25%, and 50% shield capacity respectively. But the Olympus was only at 10%, and her hull was coming apart in sections.
Flying past one destroyed fighter, he made his way to the least crippled gunship.
Once he was within 30 km of range, he fired all torpedoes at it. Pulling up, he safely pulled his own fighter into safety.
After deciding he had gone far enough, he made a turnabout and went for the gunship once again. It was only at 30% shields now. O Conner, he shouted to his wingman, Cover me!
Aye, came the curt reply.
Without warning, he saw the turret on the gunship turn toward him. At that second, he was looking down the barrel of a cannon. And, for a moment, everything slowed down as seconds stretched out into days. He could feel it in his body. This was his end. Oh man , he said, the words forming slowly.
Then, snapping himself out of it, and thinking quickly, he made a series of evasive maneuvers. He pulled up hard on the stick, then put the small ship into a dive. It helped some, but a few of the lasers hit him straight on.
With each blast, he felt his fighter shake violently. Consoles exploded into a flurry of sparks, and his hull became charred. Loose wires hung only centimeters away from his face, threatening to kill him with the slightest touch. Sparks jumped out from it and onto his black jumpsuit.
Computer! Damage report!
The voice that came back was feminine and calm. Engines: 10% damaged, Hull: 50% damage, Navigation: 80% damage, Tatical: 63% damage, Attack Systems: 37% damage.
Shields? he cried, as yet another volley of laser fire hit him, but this time from a war-bird.
Functioning at 8% of total capacity.
He couldn t help himself. Jesus christ! One more blast from that gunship, and he would be gone. Just another pilot giving up his life in the name of the Republic.
He calmed himself down, taking deep breaths in and out. Okay, computer get shields working at full capacity as soon as possible. Engines are second priority, attack is third.
Complying, came the simple response.
He sighed, relaxing a little. Looking at the Olympus statistics, though, quickly made him tense again. Swearing under his breath, he saw the Olympus was only at 3% shields, and would soon be relying on its hull only. It had 3 minutes, five minutes max.
Looking out the cockpit, he saw all three gunships still there. If one could be taken out, it would buy the Olympus a few more minutes. Perhaps it would be enough for more fighters to get here.
Repeating his order from earlier to O Conner, he dashed his way toward the weakest of the three.
Seeing the ship rapidly growing larger in view, he slowly powered down the engines. With animal instinct in his eye, he let loose on the guns.
All of a sudden he didn t care. He kept on going straight toward it, as if he were possessed by some demon, some ghost. He would be a goner soon anyway, and it would better to go out in a blaze of glory. It was his death wish.
He watched as the gunship slowly began to completely fill the view of his cockpit. He saw the figures inside, their faces scared and afraid. He watched as they frantically ran about, unable to do anything.
And he watched as they merely stared at him, knowing they would die soon. Considering the state of the gunship, a collision with a fighter would destroy it.
He was only ten meters away when it happened. First it was only the place at which he was shooting at. Almost miraculously, a small explosion appeared, then bigger and bigger ones erupted. He saw the engines blow up, and he saw the gunship go down, taking its crew with it.
He sighed inwardly, and allowed his eyes to blink for a moment. The Olympus would have a few more minutes, maybe enough to destroy the other two.
But that was not for him to worry about, though. His fighter was almost beyond repair, and his only choice was to fly to the repair ship Plymouth. He would be transferred to another, and placed back into battle within moments.
For now, though, he savored the exhilaration of the moment.


He was placed back into the war within seconds of landing on the Plymouth. His wingman was gone, three-fourths of all fighters were destroyed, and the battle certainly was not in favor of the human forces.
Looking above and to the left of him, he watched as more gunships surrounded the Olympus. He immediately went to help.
But his hurry was for nothing. The Olympus was destroyed just as he arrived. The last transmission came out in garble: Ol break ..di-
The battle was lost. The war was lost.
He headed off to watch from afar as the final ships were destroyed in quick succession. Explosions first came in the tens, but dwindled down until only one was visible every minute.
He watched as the assault ships headed for Earth. Everything was lost.





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Tue Nov 16, 2004 2:44 am
electricbluemonkey says...



Really good, Brian. Kudos to you. When I find my SF story the first thing I am doing is posting it here.





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User avatar
418 Reviews



Gender: Male
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Reviews: 418
Wed Nov 17, 2004 12:54 am
electricbluemonkey says...



Reminds me a lot of Robot Dreams...I dont know why...
Gotta a find a woman be good to me,
Who won't hide my liquor, try to serve me tea.





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Thu Nov 18, 2004 3:19 am
iced.cappuchino says...



All of a sudden he didn t care. He kept on going straight toward it, as if he were possessed by some demon, some ghost. He would be a goner soon anyway, and it would better to go out in a blaze of glory. It was his death wish.


I loved that line. ^^ I don't why I do, but I think that it illustrates the desperation of the battle very well. The sense of hopelessness and, er, shall we say "blind faith" in The Cause is nicely conveyed.

Good job. :)





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Tue Nov 30, 2004 10:26 pm
WinterGrimm says...



I want to go through this story with a finer toothed comb at some point because like other people have said there are some good things in here. I have a few doozy problems with the story, first of all I'm thrown off by the lack of quotation in the dialog. Second is all the techno babble and very little showing. And thirdly, this is every Star Wars/Wing Commander/Space Opera dog fight scene ever. It feels as though I've read this before. It would be wonderful to see, smell, hear what its like to be in that cockpit of this fighter. Even though there shouldn't be sound outside because there's no sound in space. Right now it feels very video gamey and I think that fi you work on it you can take this to a whole new level. I'd suggest trying to put yourself where you character is instead of being behind a computer joystick. But if I'm being to critical feel free to ignore my critique. I'm just trying to help out if you want to be as good as you have the potential to be.

One other thing I did like is that you captured the thrill of what he is doing rather well. Work on that and get into his head as deep as you can and make this scene come to life. I know you can do it! And if you have any questions, or want to tell me to go to hell feel free to drop me a private message or IM me, or even send me an email. I have a few years of writing experience and I want to share it with this site and as many people as I can.
That love is suffering is easy to see, for before the love becomes equally balanced on both sides there is no torment greater, since the lover is always in fear that his love may not gain its desire and that he is wasting his efforts.
Andreas Cappelanus, The Art of Courtly Love





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Wed Feb 23, 2005 10:34 pm
PsyLynx says...



as a fellow sci-fi writer, I feel obligated to tell you a few things which I've learned.

First off, one klick (if that is how it's spelled, I honestly don't know) is one kilometer. Were you aware how far away you were having the bad guys be?

Secondly, the arm that floats by, with the blood, is way wrong. Blood in space doesn't slowly leak; it rushes and then turns to vapor and leaves, doing so extremely quickly. And if the arm had been blown off of someone, chances are that it would be going too quickly for the person in the cockpit to see it, or at least do more than identify it.

I really didn't read much more than that. What I read was a little bit on the young-writer side, and I can see that you will grow up more, but you remind me of a young me, and I like the me from back then. Keep writing!





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Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:46 pm
Green Monkey says...



very good sci-fi. I am currently working on my own piece.

"Without warning, he saw the turret on the gunship turn toward him. At that second, he was looking down the barrel of a cannon. And, for a moment, everything slowed down as seconds stretched out into days. He could feel it in his body. This was his end. Oh man , he said, the words forming slowly. "

I can soooooo picture that! its so great! :)





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Thu Feb 24, 2011 1:00 am
InspiredLight says...



I loved this (:
BringMeTheEverlastingSun.





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Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:39 pm
Deifyance says...



Awesome Job! A few things I noticed:
The captain interrupted. Okay Gamma group, prepare for some alien butt!


Prepare for some alien butt!... I'm guessing to kick some alien butt? (just thought that was kinda funny) :)

Once he was within 30 km of range, he fired all torpedoes at it. Pulling up, he safely pulled his own fighter into safety.


The safety line is a little choppy, I would recommend wording it different.

I loved the concept, and I liked how they actually lost. Most sci-fi's are like classic action movies: good guy gets in trouble, good guy gets in fight with bad guy, good guy wins, the end. I liked the break away with the actual losing of the fight.

I like your style of writing, I would suggest a tad bit more of imagery of the location, imagery of the characters and objects were good but more of the location and scene would be an awesome touch to your work.
Check out my current Series: Changing Legacy

Chapter 1
Changing Legacy: Chapter 1 - Disheartening

Chapter 2
Changing Legacy: Chapter 2 - Ambushed








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