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Apocalyptic Fate - Alone?



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Sat Dec 18, 2010 7:17 am
Light_Devil! says...



Apocalyptic Fate - Alone?



"Snappy, what are we doing here?" A man sitting down on a park bench whined at his comrade. A clear plastic bag sat floating around his head with a tube running to his pack. The only reason it truly stayed on was because he had sealed it on with hot glue applied directly to his skin. He wore a faded fluoro yellow hazmat suit over the seals, but it was tied tightly with rope so that the air couldn't get to his body.

His only friend fell limply towards him as if to say, "I don't know. You took us out here. I was happy to stay in the bunker for a couple more years, but nooooo. Mr. Know-it-all said we'd be safe by now. Hmph."

Mr. Know-it-all cast his ally an offended glare and let out a sigh. He patted Snappy's shoulder to console him, "You know I'm sorry. I didn't intend for this to happen. Besides, it's not like it was entirely my fault that the apocalypse happened."

His buddy's silence said it all. The only other sound was of the fierce wind blowing all around them, rushing by their heads. Kent felt angry for a second and then sighed again. He knew he was wasting air, but sighing had become the best sound he could make. He'd forgotten what snorting contemptously sounded like, so he settled with sighing a lot.

Mr. Know-it-all a.k.a Kent pouted, "Fine! Maybe I did accidentally send the first nuke, but how I was I to know M.A.D was real? I was testing a hypothesis, alright? Gosh, you're always so grumpy in the mornings!"

M.A.D was of course an acronym for Mutually Assured Destruction; a theory that if one country fired off a nuke, every other nuke from every other country would follow in retaliation resulting in world wide destruction. Which is why no one had fired off a nuke for a long time. Well, no one that was entirely right in the head.

Which brings us to Kent. Sure, Kent has enough smarts to build a nuke and even though he set it off, his intentions were pure... somewhat. Hypotheses were his life. As a drop-out chemical and physics major he had practically lived theories.

His companion dropped their head into Kent's lap and met Kent's dark brown eyes. Kent could almost sense his friend's pain. After all, they were possibly the only surviving things on this planet - bar some mutated animals which Kent had found didn't want to exactly be pals.

Kent's nose became itchy and he cursed the unbreathable air. It wasn't a bad curse, he'd not really recalled the good ones, but it was an insult he had read in one of the few books that had survived the nukes.

"You filthy mudblood air!" He shouted softly. Shouting loudly would exhaust his air supply. And he hadn't had much to start with.

Snappy looked at him, with a condescending glare in his eyes. Kent sighed, again, and rolled his eyes, "I didn't mean to curse in your company, oh, Mr. Manners. It's just that my nose is itchy and I'll probably poke a hole in the bag if I try to scratch it. But, its just so goddamned itchy it may be worse the risk..."

Snappy turned his head away, a dismission, with the threat/bleak comment unsaid, but hanging in the unbreathable air. The comment, if it had been spoken, would've sounded like this, "Maybe it'd be better if you did poke a hole in your bag."

Kent's mouth fell open in shock and his cheeks grew red in embarrassment. His bottom lip quivered as he fought back tears, "That was uncalled for, Snappy. Completely uncalled for! And it was very nasty. I'm going for a walk!"

And pushing his partner's head from his lap Kent lept up and strode away, causing whirlwinds of dust with each step, each grain glowing a faint green colour. Snappy, caught unaware by Kent's movements, fell to the floor next to the park bench.

When Kent looked back he hoped very much that Snappy was feeling guilty. The worst thing was that Kent couldn't even wipe his eyes otherwise he might die, just as Snappy had cruelly suggested.

---

Kent came back later to the bench, in the middle of the dead park, hoping that Snappy had formed an eloquent apology. His nose still itched something fierce. However, when he arrived there Snappy was missing.

The loneliness Kent felt at that moment was absolute. Like nothing else was inside him. He felt empty and old and grey as the sky. He was only thirty something, but at that moment in time, with nothing he felt like the oldest man in the world. And it was highly probable that he was.

Kent fell onto the parkbench with a thump and leant his head over the edge, stared up at the colourless sky and cried. He cried for his family that was gone. He cried for all the people he had inadvertently killed. He wept and wept and after a while he realised he had stopped, but he still felt so full of emptiness. Whoever said crying always helped was wrong.

Maybe he should scratch his nose, for all he was worth (since it was still very itchy). He was probably worth nothing, since he had probably just scared away the only friend he had left. He sighed. Abruptly, a growl snapped out of the silence that was the rest of the world. His sounds had attracted something.

Kent swivelled his head around to discover one of the mutated animals stalking towards him with... something in its mouth. Kent's chocolate eyes widened when he realised what it was. Snappy! Oh, god... Not only was Snappy gone - he was gone for good.

Kent slowly slid off the chair, his eyes never leaving poor Snappy and took a deep breath. Even if Snappy was gone, Kent would honour his dead body! And with that thought Kent leapt. It was the furthest he had ever jumped. So strongly had he moved, with his hands out to grab Snappy's body, that his momentum and the mutated animal's vice-like jaw grip caused them to all to fall together.

They ended up on the floor with dust swirling around them, the grains emanating their ominous, toxic greenish yellow glow. The mutated animal, with its jaws filled with razor sharp teeth and acidic saliva (which could burn through iron in a matter of seconds) ended up on top, a little dazed by their sudden flight.

Snappy's body ended up curled in Kent's left arm. Kent looked down and met Snappy's eyes. For a second, even though he knew his best friend in all the world wasn't there anymore, he didn't feel alone at all. Then he reached his right arm up and scratched his goddamned nose. Kent sighed in satisfaction.

---

If one were to walk into the park they would find Kent and Snappy there. On the ground, the plastic bag deflated around Kent's head and Snappy resting almost... contentedly in Kent's arms. Their bodies were not mawled or scavenged.

Mutated animals only hunted for the thrill. They needed no energy to survive, for it had been supplied to them as the nuclear explosion. The mutated animals would live on until the energy was gone.

And there Kent and Snappy lay. Kent - with his faded yellow hazmat suit, deflated plastic bag and a smile just visible on his face - and Snappy - with his black beady eyes, furry brown ears, plastic black nose and tiny body with his stuffing ripped out in different places - lay there; together.

Spoiler! :
D: Yes, Snappy was a stuffed toy. :'( Gosh, that was depressing.
Last edited by Light_Devil! on Sun Dec 19, 2010 3:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Sat Dec 18, 2010 3:53 pm
Natsworthy says...



Hi, I've not really done many reviews but, obviously, I need to start somewhere so I'll give it my best shot.

I really do love the idea of this. For a short story it certainly had me intrigued. So to go into detail:

but it was tied tightly with rope that the air couldn't get to his body.

You need to stick in a "so" between "rope" and "that" for this sentence to make sense.

fell limply towards him as if you say, "I don't know.

I can see what you mean by this but it doesn't sound right, really I would swap "you" for a "to", so it reads
fell limply towards him as if to say, "I don't know.

rushing by thier heads.

Just a small spelling mistake of their.

his friend's pain. Afterall, they were possibly

There is a space between after and all, it's not one word.

The mutated animal, with its jaws filled with razor sharp teeth and acidic saliva which could burn through iron in a matter of seconds ended up on top, a little dazed by their sudden flight.

I just found that this sentence seemed a bit rushed, as if you had squeezed in this piece of information but it doesn’t fit right. The only way I can see it work while keeping some of the info is to take away the bit that says, "Which could burn through saliva in a matter of seconds" and leave it like that. I think it flows a lot better while keeping a sense of danger.
The mutated animal, with its jaws filled with razor sharp teeth and acidic saliva, ended up on top, a little dazed by their sudden flight.

That was a great story and all I could mainly pick out were a few grammar mistakes. As I said before I love the whole idea of this and the twist. I would love to read more like these

-Natsworthy
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water
  





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Sun Dec 19, 2010 2:55 am
Light_Devil! says...



Thank you ever so much! I've been waiting for a review! :D This really helped! It's surprising what I missed. :P

Onto editing I shall go! :D

My god! I've had a relevation. Afterall isn't one word. I've lived a lie. :'(

Haha, thanks for the review and for pointing out the obvious flaws. :D

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.

P.S For a first/second review you did pretty well. :P
Dynamic Duo AWAY!!!

A computer once beat me at chess. It was no match for me at kick boxing.

"I wish Homer was my father," - Ned's son.
"And I wish you didn't have Satan's curly red hair," - Ned Flanders.
  





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Sun Dec 19, 2010 6:09 am
Roal says...



Hello! I am here to... review... kind of ._.

Well... since Natsworthy already did the grammar, I don't see any mistakes ( with my nearly blind eyes ) in your story... for now. I really do love the plot, it has just an amaz--awesome twist. You would get the feeling of the use of nuclear bombs and then the end of the world and all that. But ( OMG ) it does, once again, have a great twist with it.
And dang! It's so sad :[
It was just a freaking stuffed toy Dx
Then again, I would totally talk to a stuffed toy too if no one was around lol.
Overall, I liked it and hope to read some of your other... stories ._.
14 years have passed
And yet I'm unabled
To find a friend
For my existence is lower
Than a piece of grass.
  





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Sun Dec 19, 2010 7:35 am
Light_Devil! says...



Thanks, Roal! I'd glad you liked it. It makes all the difference in my self-esteem knowing that I'm not writing crap. :D

And yes, it is depressing. However, that was the point. :D

Thanks to both of you! :)

Have A Nice Day,
Azrael.
Dynamic Duo AWAY!!!

A computer once beat me at chess. It was no match for me at kick boxing.

"I wish Homer was my father," - Ned's son.
"And I wish you didn't have Satan's curly red hair," - Ned Flanders.
  








No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
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