Young Writers Society

I sat in class as our boring history teacher went on and on about the stupid French Revolution. Like we need to know about that! It was in the past, history. We don't need to go back to it anymore, it happened. So, why bother learning about it? This whole paragraph feels...forced. Like, you're trying way too hard to adopt a believable voice of a teenage boy. Maybe change the wording around, and work for more subtlety?

"Mac! Are you even listening to what I am saying?" Mr. Dudley asked.

I looked up from my notebook and smiled. Maybe that can help me from getting another detention this week.

"I'm sorry Mr. Dudley, I'm just so tired from...uh... studying all night for the Science test..." I lied.

He narrowed his eyes and glared at me.

"Mhm, alright then Mr. Kingsley. But this is History, you got to study for this class too, you know." He believed me.

That's a shocker. That bald around forties guy believed a sixteen year old liar. He never believed me, well, sometimes if I was that good at it that day. If he believes Mac sometimes, why would it shock Mac?

I tapped my pencil against the white sheet. It was completely blank. The teacher didn't even bother to teach us something, he just told some old stories about George Washington and his Drug Shipment. Wait, that''s a lie. He wasn't a drug shipper, or was he...? I don't know and obviously don't even care. Rather than telling your reader flat-out, which makes the character really plastic-y, why don't you show them? You started to, with the first paragraph.
Then the annoying but helpful bell rang. I stood up from my seat and packed my stuff into my backpack. Just an ordinarily boring day at school. What can liven it up a bit?

I walked down the aisle as my converse screeched with every step I took. They're pretty old, I've had them ever since eighth grade! His Converse screech? Yikes. That's a weird image...I suggest replacing screeching (which would be really unsettling) to something like "squeaked."

Mr. Dudley stood in front of me, smaller than me by ten inches. Holy height difference, Batman, he's short. He smirked.

"Mac, can you please not zone off like that during class? You will not pass with that kind of attitude." he suggested.

I chuckled, "I won't do that ever again; I promise, Mr. Dudley." I lied, once again.

I never actually lied like that, but sometimes you just gotta. I wasn't a bad guy at all. To tell you the truth, I was the nicest guy in this school. You want to show this, not have your character say it. Having him say it makes him seem quite the opposite. I simply just loathed history and Mr. Dudley, our vice principal that is also our history teacher. Lame, maybe.

He blinked and let me walk out of the classroom. A loud chatter filled my ears as I passed all the cliques and reached my blue locker. I was in the popular clique. This is also telling. Not what you want to be doing.

As simple as that. In the populars. It wasn't super fun like everyone thinks. It's really kind of boring really. The two "really" instances are rather redundant. All you do is fake laugh half the time and make sure your hair matches Zac Efron's everyday.

Crazy? For sure.

Lindsay:

I sat in my hovering swivel chair as my mom cleaned the dishes by throwing them up in the air and they get zapped away. Typical day in this grand year of twenty one - twenty one.

"Mom, when are we headed for vacation?" I asked.

She smiled, that was he favorite question of all time. She loved vacations.

"Oh, in an hour. Are you packed?" She asked me.

Great, in an hour! I love these vacations as well. We head back in time and see how people lived, and acted back then. It's so cool to see that they don't have any of our awesome gadgets.

"Mhm," I picked from my pocket a wizard.

The wizard was our everything really. It has everything in it. All the essential needs, all this great crap for everyday life as we know it.

I pressed the blue button and saw that all my clothes were copied perfectly. I put the not so big navy wizard back into my pant pocket and watched my mom rub her hands together. She was done for the day.

That's when I heard my younger brother run into the red kitchen. He was smiling from ear to ear. Which was very dangerous in our case.

Theodor was an evil little plump kid. My younger brother had plans to rule the universe! He can really ruin not only your day but your life.

The blond haired evil boy walked by me and smiled even wider, if that's even possible. His cavities were showing, God, when did we last take him to the dentist?

"Hi Lindsay," he hummed.

"Hi, Evil," I sighed.

My heart thumped faster from anger and fright. That little kid has an evil mind. Show, not tell. Until then, his evil-ness is unconvincing at best.

"Mom, does he really have to come with us?" I begged.

She smiled and pulled her brown hair into a ponytail.

"Yes sweetie, he's your younger brother!" she walked out of the kitchen.

Her special future suit, that's what we called them, was all navy blue. It fit her like it fit me, not badly but a little too tight for our slim bodies. They really call them special future suit? That makes no sense. It's the present for them, why would they call them that, or acknowledge that it's the future to us? It's not like we call our jeans "special future pants."

"Surge! Time to go!" she called after dad.

He ran to us and laughed. Do I know why? Of course not.
"Ready kids?" he asked, blue eyes shining from happiness.

"Mhm," I hopped off the car and touched the metal flooring.

Theodor followed behind us as we walked through the house. We got out as dad locked the house with a click of a button. We'll be back soon, but I'll still miss this place like crazy, it's home sweet home...

We hopped into the grey hover vehicle and buckled up. The screen was the windshield and showed some orange and purple words. Dad pressed some buttons and moved some pulleys or whatever they are.

Mom sat next to me, eyes shut, ready for the flight. Then she took out a holographic check list and read it to dad, just to make sure everything was okay. He said 'Yes!' to everything so we started off.

Mac:

My head pounded once I opened my eyes. My alarm clock read: six forty. No need for the colon, since that's supposed to be for listing things. Crap, I was going to be late! Well, not really. School started today at seven thirty.

I hopped out of my bed and looked out my window. The sun was shining and there was not black scary storm cloud in sight. Perfect weather for a day of not so perfect school.

I walked up to my small closet and pulled out a T-shirt, jacket and a pair of jeans. I wasn't planning to go to school in my pajamas you know.

I yawned and covered my mouth. My bathroom door was open so I walked in and did my essentials. Once I was done, I had on my clothes and threw my pajama on my bed. I had no time to make it.

I grabbed my busted up backpack and got out of my room. My mom was downstairs, eating breakfast and talking on the phone. As always.

I got down the carpeted stairs and walked into our bright, light blue kitchen. The light flashed from the windows as my mom spoke over the phone.

"No, you listen, Mr. Yesmon! This deal isn't going to close unless you speak up... you could get a trial!" she yelled at the other side.

I cringed. "Good mornin' mom," I greeted.

She smiled and her hair was in a perfect blond bun on her head, "Hey son, I'll be right with you, Mr. Yesmon is pissing me off!" she pointed at the phone.

I smiled and sat at the kitchen counter. there was a grilled cheese sandwich just laying on the white plate. I took a bite out of it and watched the time on the wall clock. Tick, tick ,tick.

"Goodbye!" she hung up abruptly and smiled at me.

I shot her one right back and she sat in front of me. She was wearing her pink jacket today, that means she's in a good mood. She always wore that jacket when a good case was on. Oh, my mom's a lawyer. This just comes off as really odd. Like, as if he's speaking narration...the "oh" is unnecessary and awkward.

"Honey, ready for school?"

I picked up my backpack from the wooden floors and she clapped.

"Good, good, you are a good student, I don't want you doing drugs or anything brownie!" she laughed.

Like any normal mother, she was afraid of Teenage problems. The reason she called me brownie was because of my brown hair and brown eyes, she thought that having the same color eyes and hair was unbelievable. Why would she think that? Brown hair/brown eyes is the most common combination among people.

Crazy mom... ha-ha.

"Mom..." I warned her.

"I know, I know, you aren't doing that crap! But I'm warning you sweetie, if you do I'll..." I finished for her instead.

"... kill you; I know, Mom." I laughed.

She stood up from the bar stool and walked past me.

"Time to go to school, let me drop you off today,"

I hopped off the stool and followed behind her, backpack at hand. A normal boring day again. Unless something blows up today or poison is in the lunch meat...

Lindsay:

We stopped by caveman time and saw all sorts of hilarious things. Those cavemen were so stupid. How did we turn into these super smart gadget making humans from that?

That's when the time machine started to rattle.

"Dad, what's going on?" I asked holding on to my metal seat.

He kept on pressing some random buttons and we were headed toward the year two thousand. That's wow, far away!

My heart sped up as my breathing rate increased. Something bad was going on.

"I don't know, honey, the time machine is having some problems." he explained.

Everyone shook and held on to anything they could, but my brother was asleep. He would never wake up to anything except if he hears something, evil or praising.

The years stopped at two thousand eleven. It didn't move any further. That's when I got truly worried. I unbuckled and walked up to my dad in a hurry.

"Dad, the year meter stopped." I pointed at the screen.

'2011' was written in big bold orange letters on the screen in front of us. The vehicle wasn't moving so my dad let go of the steering wheel.

"Engine Problem," the robot lady said.

Crap.

My dad un buckled and stood up, towering me by two feet.

"Sweetie, the time machine broke down, we're gonna have to stay here until I fix this, which won't take long," he told my mom.

She sat up and shook Theodor, he didn't budge. I smirked and walked up to him. His eyes were shut and his thumb was in his mouth. Priceless. I shook him and said "I'm begging you," then his eyes bolted right open in shock.

"I just dreamed of begging, I liked it," he yawned.

I laughed and walked up to dad's slim figure.

"We are stuck here, aren't we?" my dad sucked at time machine fixing. Hover cars he could do, but time machine's, not really.

"...yes," he sighed.

I patted his back and opened the door to an old century.

"Mac, can you please not zone off like that during class? You will not pass with that kind of attitude." he suggested.