Young Writers Society

The Red Pen has allowed me to post this: Enjoy!

Long after Momma and Mommy had gone to bed, Lisa stole downstairs. As punishment, she was deprived of her personal phone unit, but the house’s phone unit was still a viable method of communication with Ella. The memory would simply have to be wiped.
Lisa placed the call and waited for Ella to answer. Ella, who was expecting the call, responded on the second ring and soon afterward the video function was activated.
“Good morning,” Lisa said. The sight of her friend’s face made the shouting and shame of earlier seem not to matter.
“Good morning? Oh, yeah, it’s morning! Good morning!” Ella’s small face glowed in the video screen. “How are you doing? I hope your parents did not punish you too badly.”
Ignoring the question, Lisa responded brightly, “I do not think it matters that much, now that you are here.”
“But I am not there. I could be. Do you want me to sneak over?” Regarding Ella, it was a very real suggestion.
Lisa laughed at the idea of Ella stealing over across town. It was a nervous laughter. “No thank you, Ella. It’s good enough to see your face.”
“Oh come now! I want to see you again.”
“We already spent the day together!”
“No, we spent yesterday together. It is a fresh new day. How about it? I can be there in twenty minutes. Fifteen if I push myself.”
“Ella, please do not! I am in enough trouble already. If my Mommy or Momma find us—“
“Then you can sneak out of your house and meet me at our usual spot. How’s that?” Ella said, and put on her pleading face. Her bright blue eyes seemed to grow twofold, becoming the essence of goodness. Ella’s sensuous lips tipped into an unhappy frown, and the beginnings of a tear could be seen in her eye. The final touch: golden hair fell onto her face,veiling her eyes.
Lisa tried to resist, but it was a lost cause. Ella was not the only one who wanted to escape parental tyranny tonight.
“Okay, I’ll be there in ten minutes.”
“I knew you would! I’ll see you soon.”
The screen went dark, and the house around Lisa went dark with it. Silently, Lisa moved about in the blackness, using the memory of a lifetime to navigate. A bag was quickly packed, and Lisa made her way out of a window; the hissing of the pneumatic door would surely alert the sharp ears of Momma.

I read part one,(then this part) but this seems like an odd but fun story. My guess is that this takes place in some Utopian world, where girls married to girls. They are granted children by males and the world has technology. One way to improve this story is to add more detail, give more depth (or even a flashback) on what Lisa and Ella have done. Still without the detail, It was fun to use your imagination to figure the story out.
My guess is that Lisa and Ella do something that breaks that societies rules or wonder off to some place they have no place being.
Well that is all, CardDragon.

Great continuation! I like the world you're building and I'd really like to see the plot thicken.

Now, I think you should up on some descriptions now. I want to feel the story and maybe you can show us some emotions and more of character development. You've got good physical description, but try to show us more of this world. But kudos to creating that pull that wants me to know more about these two.
And yes, I'm still confused about her age. >.> Maybe a hint would clear things up a lot

Do PM me when the next part is up.
Cheers,
~Lava

I see there is a part three. Just so the readers continue going through the chapters, I presume? Very slick, indeed! It is curious why you would make the chapters so short, but if that's the reason, then it makes sense! I'm wondering even more just what Lisa's relationship with Ella, and how deep it runs. Many possibilities are running through my head, but I shall just rush to number three!

~Panda;;