I've been working on this particular story for a few weeks now, often to no avail. This does happen to be the end of the story and I am currently working on the beginning, so if that will ruin the story and you prefer to wait, here is your warning. I've done some minor editing multiple times, though I'm curious to see what this community has to say about it. Another warning of sorts, not everything is explained as this is the end of the story. That said, do your worst. Tear the story apart and tell me all the little errors and plot holes that annoy you.
The firing tube’s far door slammed open with a roar as atmosphere rushed out. Nathanial’s pod rumbled and shook as it shot down the long magnetic rail towards the vacuum. The shaking didn’t last long though, and soon the pod met empty space and began its descent. He found that this was always a good time to think, with all the silence and the great view of the starscape. But today, the stars’ cold light only served to darken Nat’s thoughts. A single tear welled up in his eye and floated away, arcing slowly towards the base of the pod as he approached the planet.
A low rumbling shook him from his gloom; almost there. Nathanial could see the thin glow of atmosphere materializing at the base of the pod’s main view port. The low rumble quickly became a roar as the drop pod screamed across Home’s sky, wreathed in flame. Not much longer, Nat thought.
Keeping a close eye on his altimeter, Nathanial drummed his fingers on the drag flap release switch. As the pod approached Home’s troposphere, Nat flicked the switch, shooting an x-shaped drag flap straight out of the back of his pod. Twenty seconds later, the drag flap was ejected and quickly replaced with a high-velocity parachute. As his acceleration continued to decrease, Nat waited for impact.
The parachute ripping away, Nat anticipated the landing. Gripping the arms of his chair, the pod slammed down. Understandably, one would usually wait for their pod to cool down after landing, but this was a special occasion, and hostages were involved. Nat eased back the safety on his pod’s door bolts. Taking a deep breath and shouldering his rifle, he pulled down hard on the door’s emergency release. A series of small, synchronized explosive bolts blew the pod door off. As the door flew away, Nat was blinded by direct sunlight. Home’s sun was just setting and Nat’s pod had come down directly facing it.
Jumping clear of the pod, Nat crouched and took stock of his surroundings. He’d landed right on target, in a field about 200 meters out of the city. With a burst of static, his radio crackled to life.
“Nathanial, report.”
“Sir, I’ve landed right on target. I can see John coming down now.”
John’s pod slammed down hard, sending up a cloud of debris and forcing Nat to shield his eyes.
“Good, go get him and regroup on my smoke.” Lieutenant Davis was about 60 meters to the east and he could already see his green smoke clearly against the darkening sky.
Steam curled off of John’s pod and floated away, straight up. As the door blew off of the pod, Nat squinted through the heat to see if John was alright. He was taking it slow, but he was alright. Nat waved him over and looked hard at his visor as he approached.
“Just got orders from the LT; regroup on his smoke.” Nathanial said, motioning toward the green smoke over his shoulder.
“Guess we’d better get going then. Are you alright, Nat? You seem… distant.” John looked down at him.
“I’m fine.” Nat glared at John.
“Hey man, just making sure.”
“Here, I’ll tell you all about it after the op, okay?” Nat gave John a half-hearted smile.
“Nevermind, let’s get going. You set the pace.”
They set off at a light jog with Nathanial leading John slightly in his haste to reach the rendezvous point. They covered the short distance quickly and Lieutenant Davis was waiting for them.
“Alright, now that we’re all here, we can get started. Jackson, Carter, I want you stationed at the embassy’s southwest door, ready to breach on my signal. John and I are going in through the second floor window on the west side of the building. Nat, I want you somewhere with a good view of the lobby. No one fires a shot until my signal, clear? It’s a klick and a half to the embassy, so let’s get moving. Any questions?” There were none.
With John setting a quick pace, they arrived at the embassy ten minutes later, slightly out of breath. The embassy was a small, expensive-looking building surrounded by a solid concrete wall, roughly four meters in height. A large, wrought iron gate stood open in front of the embassy, giving Nat a view into one of the embassy’s many offices. The light had been left on and papers were strewn about the room; signs of some tenacious diplomat resisting younger, stronger insurrectionists. Looking at the building, it seemed out of place, an ominous presence on this calm, homely street.
“It’s going to get dark soon. Better get inside.” Lieutenant Davis said, looking up at the darkening sky.
Jackson and Carter darted off to the back of the building as John and the LT looked around for a place to climb up to the second floor. Nathanial lingered behind, eyeing the embassy’s front door. On either side of it stood massive plate glass windows meant to display the prospective power and wealth of Gateway. Nat coughed lightly and looked up at the stars materializing out of the night sky in the hastening dusk. Not much longer, Nat thought.
As the rest of his unit filtered off toward their respective positions, Nat remained motionless in the shadow of a small hotel’s doorway as the sun finally disappeared behind the horizon. A puff of static and the lieutenant came over his radio.
“Okay, we’re in the window. Heading towards the lobby.”
Nathanial shivered in the doorway, allowing his dark thoughts, once again, to cloud his mind.
A few minutes later, Nat’s radio once again crackled to life. “Okay, the second floor’s clear. I can see down into the lobby. There’s – seventeen hostiles scattered about. Nat, how many do you count?”
But Nat didn’t answer because his radio was no longer in his ear. It sat squawking next to his rifle in the dark doorway. Closing his eyes and forcing out another tear, Nat started his run towards the embassy door. As his pace picked up, so did the chatter on his forgotten radio.
At a full sprint, arms shielding his face, Nathanial crashed through a pane of plate glass window and into the embassy’s main lobby, much to the dismay of seventeen very surprised rebels. Huge slivers of glass flew in every direction, cutting Nat’s calves, back and arms. Grunting with pain that wasn’t purely physical, Nat turned swiftly and charged straight at the nearest hostile. The rebel, barely nineteen years old, hefted a large caliber pistol and raised it level with Nathanial’s chest. Blinking away a final tear, Nat forced a smile to his lips and continued running.
Gunfire broke out from the second floor balcony and the world seemed to move in slow motion as Nat closed the gap between himself and the rebel. He saw the slide tilt slowly back, muzzle flash escaping the pistol barrel. And then, suddenly Nat felt as if he’d been hit in the chest with a sledge hammer. It hurt a lot more than he’d anticipated. Falling into a sitting position, Nat bent over forwards, cupping his stomach. The bullet had ripped right through his kinetic barrier and shredded his Kevlar vest. His abdomen was gushing blood.
“Oh, my God…” the young man, shaking, dropped his pistol and stared at what he’d done. He didn’t live long enough to regret it though, as another hail of gunfire came down from the second floor.
Nathanial tasted iron at the back of his mouth and closed his eyes. Not much longer, he thought, one last time.
Two holes that have been brought to my attention, but will be addressed in the beginning of the story are as follows: Why is the protagonist sad? and Why did the glass cut him when it later says that he has a 'kinetic barrier'? Revealing why Nat is sad would ruin the story, so you'll have to wait on that. The reason the glass cuts him is that kinetic barriers have velocity floors; nothing below a certain velocity affects the barrier.
). And, what is LT? Lieutenant? Stick to using the latter(the second one, in case I used the word latter wrong 
). 
Gender:
Points: 1969
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