Young Writers Society

One day,on a summer evening, there sat a girl. She was Moonlace Ravenburt.Moonlace had no friends that actually spent time with her,just copied her homework, since she was a genius by reading book instead of watching T.V. Even though sometimes she was very mean and angry,she was perhaps the nicest person in the fifth grade. and must I say, the most intelligent ever since Franklin Delano Roosevelt.Her life was dull, so dull, she almost ran awy from her room in a grand house. Her room was on the very top of the house with absolutely no windows,no colorful colors,no toys such as a phone, stuffed toy,or a D.S. There was no one to accompany her on stormy and rainy nights unless a mouse waiting for it's own share of food.

Hi! I'm Tear!

Anyhow, it's very short so there's not a lot to critique but I'll try my best!

thunderviolet wrote:One day,on a summer evening, there sat a girl.

The opening sentence sounded a bit cliche, for me, and it could have been more gripping. Something that will draw the reader in and make them want to read more.

thunderviolet wrote:She was Moonlace Ravenburt.Moonlace had no friends that actually spent time with her,just copied her homework, since she was a genius by reading book instead of watching T.V.

Okay, so I noticed a lot how you sort of dumped all the information onto the reader without having anything really to work with, if that made sense. Also, if you do choose to say that I might say "Her name was Moonlace Ravenburt." And also, book should be books.

thunderviolet wrote: Even though sometimes she was very mean and angry,she was perhaps the nicest person in the fifth grade. and must I say, the most intelligent ever since Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

Okay, first of all, in my opinion, you could have used more descriptive words other than mean and angry, considering that soon after that you say she was the nicest person in fifth grade.

thunderviolet wrote:Her life was dull, so dull, she almost ran awy from her room in a grand house.

thunderviolet wrote:Her room was on the very top of the house with absolutely no windows,no colorful colors,no toys such as a phone, stuffed toy,or a D.S.

"No colorful colors" sounds a bit odd, repetition!

Okay, so right now, I really don't see a plot, and I think this really could be longer, because it doesn't really have a lot of detail to go with it either. O.o

Overall, it has potential, and I think you did a pretty good job! I'd be happy to read it if you post more to this!

~Tear

Very interesting story but I think it would belong better in a different category of short stories. Go through it and check all the grammar, punctuation, and capitalization and I think it will be even better.
And why is it named Timewatch? There's no mention of any watch or even Time.
I very much liked the girl's name though and how you told about her personality. Great job.

Keep writing,
Alzora