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I don't know why you have the word About in this sentence, but besides that, you put others before yourself "A few of my friends and I are going..." you also said 'me' me doesn't work here. Take other the others and say the sentence with only you in it. "Me is going there to go at it" I am going there to go at it. get it?About me and a few other friends are going there to go at it.
except on? What? and 'almost' is an uncertain word. you either did spend five dollars, or you didn't.The others, except on, arrived in twenty minutes after I spent almost five dollars.
I just tuned out and moved. Try reading over things three or four times before you post to catch errors like these.I just tuned out and moves close
- remind me of, well, Shan's Vampaneze for starters. And there quite a few other examples too, and if you want, I can point them out also.He has dark purple skin and red eyes.
(if u saw someone murder your parents, what would be your reaction?)
remove 'peculiarly'I woke later in the sand felling a little peculiarly stranger than usual.
body bag on the stretcher?The first thing I noticed besides the vehicles was the body bad one the stretcher.
we already knew something woke him up, so don't repeat that part, but tell us "fell straight to sleep before a loud thump woke me up"I stopped crying after about ten minutes and fell straight to sleep before something woke me up.
I looked at the clock and saw it was 2:16. Some loud thump had wakened me up.
Before he could get a better look? He got a pretty good look, not to mention, if my parents were in the hands of some unknown people, and things looked violent, I wouldn't notice what they looked like, I'd be too panicked! So try to be realistic.“Hello, Shane,” He says before I get a better look at him.
Switched to a slightly Shakespearean writing frame. Wakened is supposed to be woken if it is in Queen's English. Although it is quite a mash of different writting frames so its not that important I would suppose.Some loud thump had wakened me up
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