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Something Out There



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Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:10 pm
Kim says...



Chapter Seven



Aronn had followed Christian as he walked to school. As the school bell rang he watched him walk into the building with Seth and Samuel at his side. He found a spot on the school roof and sat down. Aronn was getting ancy just observing. His hand went to his sword and rested there. With a heavy sigh he looked around the playground. Spotting a few small demons here and there just mulling around, anxiously awaiting for anyone of the many students that would allow them to claim them as their own.

Aronn’s body twitched at the thought of even one small battle; he could clear them all out with one wide swipe of his sword. They wouldn’t even be able to fight back.

He knew their sole existence depended on finding a human to live in, to cling to and make the human suffer. He saw low self esteem, pain, self doubt, fear, anger and loneliness. There were many, many more, their names fitting the affliction they put upon humans. They did not care if it was a child or an adult. Their strength was not in their size but in their ability to control the human. They took away hope and blinded the person from actually seeing that there is love and peace in this world of theirs.

“There is hope and peace, and a solid place to stand.” Aronn thought to himself. “If only the people could see through the darkness.”

Aronn felt a hand rest on his shoulder; he looked up at his Captain. “I know it is hard for you Aronn to sit back and not use your sword. There is a purpose here, and the time will come for battle.” Ernes said as he sat down next him.

“The child is very important to this mission.” Ernes said.

“Would you care to fill me in on this mission Captain?”

Ernes stopped to think for a moment. How much should he tell his closest friend? “There are two men in this town. One very dangerous, he hides among the citizens, and the other a decent man of God. They are linked together, although they are unaware of each other.”

“And the child?” Aronn asked.

“He will become our strongest weapon. Seth, his guardian is overly protecting him. He is not allowing him to be tested, Christian needs to find his strength and realize his abilities, or we may end up losing this battle.”

Above the city of White Rapids in a thick forested area, the small demon, named Panic, slowly made his way to the hideout of his leader. A large, thick build and very dangerous demon he knew only as the Strongman. “Why should I be the one to tell him that Hate had failed.” Panic said to himself, he didn’t like how he was always treated as a mongrel dog, being kicked around and ordered to do this and that. He shivered, knowing he would be beat yet again.

Panic moved on his belly , trying to make himself even smaller as he moved through the ranks of hideous legs, arms and claws. The stench was thick with the multitude of this many crammed in one area. These demons were like an angry mob. They were all large and bored of waiting around.

Panic wanted only to find The Strongman, give him the information , and leave quickly. It was a painful process, they taunted him, kicked him and stepped on him. “Look what we have here?” one of them said, “The rodent moves as if he is hiding from us.” Laughter filled the air, as they continued to torment him.

“Leave me alone!” Panic screamed. “I have information for the Strongman.” Just then he felt claws dig deep into his neck as he was lifted off the ground. Fear rising up in him, he shut his eyes tight.

“So tell me!” The Strongman hissed.

Not opening his eyes, panic told him how Hate had failed, and Seth was now back with his charge.

Strongman took one step forward and turned to face the ranks. His size looming over the other demons under his control. He raised his arm up, with Panic still in his grip. Panic’s tongue lolled out of his mouth, dripping saliva, his eyes bulging, his body quaking from terror.

A ripple of laughter came from the ranks, “SILENCE!” Strongman roared. “This loathsome flea has just told me we have failed.!” He brought Panic up to his face, Panic tried not to look into his eyes. Strongman’s mouth was gaping open, a green thick liquid dripped from his lips. His breath was horrid , his pointed teeth were large and faced in all directions. Panic could take no more, he passed out. Now limp in his grasp, the strongman hurled him across the room, sending him into the demonic ranks.

His face filled with rage, he looked at his large army now cowering before him. “ You will not fail again!” His voice exploded. “I want Seth and the child dead, and out of the way. Now get out of here all of you!”

Black filled the sky, as the demons took flight, eager to be anywhere else. They headed towards White Rapids and the unsuspecting citizens.

Aronn and Ernes felt the immediate drop of temperature in the air. Both of them quickly got to their feet, hands instinctively going for the swords hanging from their waist. The playground was now empty. Something had scared the demons into hiding.

“The Strongman is here.” Ernes said.
Last edited by Kim on Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:25 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:33 pm
BigBadBear says...



Ohhh... freaky!

Kim, this is fantastic! I love reading this novel and will be sad when it's over.`
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:36 pm
BigBadBear says...



Hey sorry about that. I had to stop cuz my keyboard went crazy. Sorry

Anyway, there were only two things I noticed. Simply typos.

A ripple of laughter came from the ranks, “SILENCE!” Strongman roared. “This loathsome flea has just told me, we have failed.!”

It should be, "This loathsome flea has just told me we have failed!" No comma.

He raised his arm up, with panic still in his grip.

Panic should be capitalized.

Other than that, this is awesome! I can't wait to see what happens next!


BBB
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Would love help on this.
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:52 pm
Kim says...



Thanks Bear. i changed it. it's those little things i seem to always miss. :D
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:31 pm
lysolstinks says...



i see you just posted this, any chance of letting me know when you post. so i dont have to constantly check.
this one weirded me out. its not something i really want to think is true. hopefully you dont know something i dont.

this was very good and actually scary. you have a way with putting just alittle of discription and leaving the rest up to the reader. that is good, but in this case i think my mind made the demons look even worse.

please keep going with this.

lysolstinks
  





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Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:37 am
hummingbird says...



I am sad this is the last chapter for me to read right now, please let me know when you post your next chapter. I loved the scene in this one with panic going to the strongman. You are showing the different level of demons and how pathetic and scary they can be. Again, WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THIS. Everything is resting on Christian and you have definelty got my attention.
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Tue Nov 06, 2007 6:41 pm
bkwrm says...



I'm lovin it Kim - you just keep drawing the reader in deeper and deeper. It's sooo good!
Bkwrm :D
  





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Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:45 am
xyberangel says...



I like how the plot is developing.
Some suggestions:

Aronn was getting ancy just observing.
ancy is not a work, you mean anxious?

They took away hope and blinded the person from actually seeing that there is love and peace in this world of theirs.

This could be stronger like
They took away hope and blinded the person from actually seeing that there is love and peace in the world.

“This loathsome flea has just told me we have failed.!”

cancel the full stop

Now get out of here all of you!”
Could be stronger if it was shorter Now all of you get out of my sight!”

“The Strongman is here.” Ernes said.
I love your last lines, they always keep me reading, they'r good as cliff hangers

Keep going

xFlora
  








In dreams, we enter a world that's entirely our own.
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