z

Young Writers Society


Truthseeker: Chapter 1



User avatar
74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 74
Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:36 pm
kshsj777 says...



Tamara Reddings, now a woman of age twenty-three, rode in the back of a black car as it pulled into the parking lot of a hospital. She put on a blonde wig to cover her raven hair and stepped outside. The car drove away and Tamara strolled into the hospital lobby smiling apprehensively at the receptionist.

"Excuse me," Tamara began, putting on a mask of worry, "My name is Elise Sanders, and I just received a call saying that my brother Eddie Sanders was admitted to this hospital. What room number is he in?"

"Room 508," the receptionist replied, giving a polite smile. Tamara, nicknamed Mara, gave a nod and then rode in a elevator to the fifth floor. She was dressed in a typical business suit, but hidden under her jacket was a handgun. The elevator beeped and Mara stepped out. She made her way to room 508 and paused before entering.

Tamara took a deep breath, placing her hand under her jacket and fingering her gun. She didn't want to do this, but she knew she had no choice. After listening carefully for a moment, to make sure there weren't any nurses or visitors inside, Mara turned the corner, whipping out the gun, and aimed it at the bed.

The form of an unconscious man, approximately in his thirties, awaited her. She shot only once, but it was enough. There was no sound, as Tamara had used a silencer. Quickly, Mara put the gun away, and deciding to use the stairs to leave the building, she headed towards the stairwell.

She had been told this man was a threat to the Society's safety, so she had carried out their orders to eliminate him before he could talk about what he'd seen. Never mind the fact that she didn't even know what he knew, or exactly how he was a security threat. No time to ask questions. Just shoot first.

Mara jogged down the five flights of stairs, and exited the hospital lobby, not the least bit out of breath. She groaned within herself. She was an accomplished agent, an accomplished hitman. Her instructor even told her so. So why bother giving her easy jobs that a novice could do?

The black car that had dropped her off was parked near the front of the parking lot. After looking both ways, Mara started heading towards the car when a realization hit her. Of course. I recognize him now. He was a high level agent turned traitor. Disgust welled up inside of her. Just who did he think he was, thinking he could betray the Society and get away with it?

But even so, it didn't take a woman of her skills to do away with him. As she continued to approach the vehicle waiting for her in the parking lot, she struggled for a moment to suppress her anger. They must've had a legitmate reason for choosing you; they must have wanted the job done right. Mara told herself. Get a grip!

But Tamara still didn't like them insulting her by questioning her abilities. She pushed her thoughts away, and focused on her surroundings, ready for whatever might happen next. Mara opened one of the back doors, and sat down inside. The she removed her wig, tossing it on the seat next to her. She did not speak, as the driver had refrained from speaking to her.

Tamara was taken to a private complex near the outskirts of the city and was told to go inside by the driver. She did not waste time by asking questions; Mara didn't need to. The Society strongly disapproved of asking needless questions about things that were none of her business. Tamara had found that out the hard way.







***



At the entrance to the building, two guards dressed in black greeted her. "Come with us, please," one of them requested. "Superintendent Carey Barnes is expecting you." Tamara nodded in acknowledgment and she was escorted to a nearby storage room. Although this complex was legally listed as property of Lincoln Inc. it was actually one of the Society's bases of operation. The walls and floors were pure concrete and it was poorly lit, as the only light was a lamp hanging from the ceiling. It had been transformed into an interrogation and torture room of sorts.

In the middle of the room was a table with a knife on it, and at the opposite side, across from the door, there was a man in long chains that were connected to the ceiling. The chains were long enough to allow him to be able to touch the floor, but barely. A second man who Tamara assumed to be Mr. Barnes, was standing next to the table. He was waiting. Waiting for her.

Mara recognized the man in chains as the same man that she had met a few months earlier on one of her mandates. It is late afternoon and she is sitting on a bench outside when a young man comes and sits on the other end. At first, they remain silent, but then this man speaks to her.

"So, you enjoying the scenery?"

"Mm-hm."

"My name's Richard Lawson," he says, offering his hand. "I'm an architect; I designed the landscaping in this city."

"Really? You did a nice job. I'm Tamara Reddings, by the way," she replies, shaking his hand.

"Thanks. Even though landscaping is fun, I'll always have a secret love for gardening."

"You like getting your hands dirty?" Tamara inquires.

"Yeah. I've always had a deep appreciation for God's creation.

"God's creation? You believe in God?"

"You don't?"

"No, not really. I suppose it's possible, but if God exists, then obviously He doesn't care anything about us."

"What makes you think that?" Richard quietly replies.

"There's too much corruption in this world, too much pain and suffering."

"And you think that's God's fault?" Tamara blinks her eyes a few times, clearly not expecting Richard's answer.

"What do you mean?"

"God originally created this world perfect. When He created Adam and Eve, He gave them only one rule: they were not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. Unfortunately, Adam and Eve disobeyed God and ate the fruit. This one act of disobedience plunged the entire human race into bondage to sin and death. We all have inherited this sin nature, the tendency to do whatever is contrary to God's commands. This is why there is pain and suffering in this world. And because of sin we all deserve to die, both physically and spiritually, in hell forever."

"So we messed everything up."

"Sort of. It wasn't like God was taking a risk, and we messed His creation all up, and now He had to try to fix it. He knew from the beginning what was going to happen," Richard explained.

"If that's true, then why did He make the tree and tell them they couldn't eat its fruit?" Tamara asks.

"The Bible doesn't really say, but I do know that somehow, this brings God greater glory."

"Greater glory to see people suffer and die?"

"No, in order so that He could demonstrate His great love and send His Son to save us from our sins."

"Save us? How could God save us from something we did?"

"We can't save ourselves; people have been trying to save themselves ever since the beginning of time," Richard says. "But it doesn't work, only God can save us."

"Why should He want to?"

"I don't know. But somehow, in God's infinitive mercy, He has provided the means by which we can be saved, by which the effects of the curse can be undone, even death."

"How?" Tamara asks.

"God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, fully God and fully Man, to live a perfect life, and to die a horrible death on the cross. Our sins were imputed to Christ and His righteousness is imputed to us So that when God looks at us from a judicial standpoint, He sees the perfect life of His Son. But Christ didn't stay dead, He rose again to show that God had accepted the sacrifice once and for all.

"God offers us this free gift, so that if we believe in Lord Jesus Christ and confess that God raised Christ up from the dead, we shall be saved. But, we, being so sinful by nature, refuse to accept this gift, so God in His great love, must work in our hearts to change them so that we will accept it. This, however, doesn't absolve us of our responsibility to accept the gift that God is offering to us. And not only that, He promises to make us a new creature, and perform the life-long process of sanctifying us, making us more and more like the perfect example of Christ."

"Maybe God can offer this gift to some, but not to me," Tamara declares.

"Why not?"

"He couldn't possibly love me after all I've done." Richard is wise enough not to inquire of any specifics.

"Tamara, I don't know what you've done, but God is all-powerful, all-seeing, all-knowing, and all-good at the same time. He can show mercy to even the worst of sinners. Nothing is too bad for Him to clean up. God loves you."

"No, no one could love me." Tamara stands up to leave. Richard immediately stands as well.

"Tamara, will you at least think about what I said?" he asks. She pauses for a moment and then nods. Richard quickly grabs her hand, slipping a piece of paper inside of it. Mara glances at him with a strange look, but then discreetly places it her pocket, walking away. Tamara keeps her promise and his words play over and over again in her mind. She starts to realize that she is liking this guy very much.

Which is dangerous.

Very dangerous.





***



"Tamara." When she heard her name called, Mara snapped back to the present. It was Carey. "May I have your gun, please," he said, holding out his hand. Tamara removed her gun and placed it in his palm. He took the gun and set it on the table next to the knife.

Indicating to Richard he said, "We caught this man snooping around inside the fenced area. We've interrogated him, but so far, he's told us nothing. Now, I know this isn't exactly your specialty, but I thought you might be able to get something out of him."

"Hmm." Tamara nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

"Very well, then. I'll leave you to it." Carey strode out of the room, closing the door behind him. Once Mara heard the click, indicating it was shut, she slowly ambled over to Richard's chained form. She bent down to his eye level, careful to keep some distance away from him.

"Hello, Richard. That is, assuming that's your real name."

"It is."

"What were you doing? Because I just don't understand how an architect could 'accidentally' find his way inside a highly secure area." Richard didn't reply. "You know, Richard, if you don't give me the answers I want, then we'll have to do this the hard way." Rick chuckled.

"You can see that your buddy has already gone that route."

"True," Mara conceded, "but Carey is just a high ranked security guard. And well I'm sure he delivered quite a few punches, let's just say that I'm much more... acquainted with the various ways of causing pain. After all, if I have to kill someone, I have to know quite a bit about the human body."

Mara waited a few seconds, but when Richard just maintained his silence, she sighed.

"I'll be honest with you. You seem like a nice, average, good-looking guy. I don't want to hurt you, but if I have to, I will. So last chance, Rich."

"I believe you, but I guess you're going to have to hurt me."

"Okay."

Tamara got up and withdrew the knife from the table. Slowly, she approached him, with the knife positioned to stab.

"Wait!" Richard protested, and Mara paused, her eyes gazing at him expectantly. "It's--. The city council wants to expand its borders, and they were thinking about trying to acquire some land around here. They sent me out here so I could canvas the land and see if any of it would be good for construction. If it was, the council was supposed to approach Lincoln Inc. and try to purchase the property."

"What?" His explanation threw her off guard. "Why didn't you tell that to Carey?"

"I did. He didn't believe me."

"Then maybe I shouldn't believe you, either. Besides that, it doesn't explain how you got inside the security gate." She started advancing on him again.

"I design buildings and do landscaping for a living, which makes me familiar with most security systems. It wasn't that hard to get in."

"Why?"

"I was curious."

"Ever heard the saying, 'curiosity killed the cat'?" Tamara retorted.

"Well two seconds later, I get caught, and instead of throwing me out and threatening to sue me for trespassing, I get chained up in here and interrogated. I don't know what mess you're a part of, but when I get out--"

"What makes you think you're leaving here alive?" Mara interrupted.

"But you said you didn't want to hurt me."

"I don't. But I can't just march you out of here." As she said those words, she returned the knife and grabbed her gun. "Especially if you decide to go to the police."

"Well if you let me out of here, alive, I won't! Honest."

Tamara cocked her gun and aimed it at him.

"I have a rich father. You could hold me for ransom and then release me when you get the money." Mara still held the gun at him, her finger still touching the trigger. "Tamara!"

Panic crept into his eyes, and for a moment, she felt pity. Hold him for ransom? The Society could always use some more money. And then she could spare his life with the Society's approval, no less. Dare she suggest the idea to Carey?

Tamara burst out of the door, and down the hall where she found Carey conversing with his subordinates.

"His name is Richard Walker, son of the multimillionaire, James Walker."



AUTHOR'S NOTE:
I have no problems sharing my faith in my stories, but the conversation between Richard and Tamara seems a bit sermon-like, and I don't mean it to be. Any suggestions would be very much appreciated.
Last edited by kshsj777 on Wed Oct 17, 2007 12:43 am, edited 2 times in total.
  





User avatar
161 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1419
Reviews: 161
Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:48 pm
Fan says...



I find this type of font rather hard to read in, I keep losing where I am, could you change it to times roman is possible please? Anyway, I have a tip from what I've read so far. There is a lot of telling in this, a big no-no. You should be showing.

For example: "Tamara Reddings, now a woman of age twenty-three,"

Use something like, a young woman and let us know she's twenty three later in a more subtle way.

Also I find that the point of view is rather...odd. It flickers between third and first for the same character. Hope this helps!
  





User avatar
74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 74
Tue Oct 16, 2007 10:54 pm
kshsj777 says...



When I copied it to Microsoft Word, it displayed at Times New Roman. I don't know why it doesn't look like that here. How do I change it to make it easier to read?

I put "Tamara Reddings, now a woman of age twenty-three," in contrast to the prologue when she's a little girl (around 7yrs old) to show that about fifteen years had gone by. I think its okay like that. It's just a minor detail. Maybe I'm wrong.
  





User avatar
161 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 1419
Reviews: 161
Tue Oct 16, 2007 11:00 pm
Fan says...



Ah, I didn't realise that there was a prologue. My bad, ignore it, I think it's ok as that sort of detail. As for changing the font I'm not sure, I've never done it.
  





User avatar
74 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 74
Wed Oct 17, 2007 2:21 am
kshsj777 says...



There is another thing I'm wondering. The scene where Tamara interrogates Richard. Is that realistic?
  








Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here.
— Neil Gaiman