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Something Out There



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Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:17 pm
Kim says...



Chapter 6

Seth watched as Bri left the room, her sadness showing on her face. He to worried about Anna.

He got up off the bed and walked over to the window; he folded his arms in front of him and stared out. The sun was now full. Seth was aware of the protection posted around the house. He should feel secure, but inside he knew what it meant. And security definitely did not fit the picture.

He turned to watch as Christian was now crawling out of bed. “They know of you, but how? I have been so careful to protect you.” He sighed and turned back to the window.

“You could not keep him a secret forever Seth.”

Seth spun around, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!” he glared at Samuel. “You are not his guardian, I am!”

“I just follow orders Seth, it is not my fault they replaced you with me.” Samuel looked at Christian, who was now getting dressed. “I have not been told why, but being with this boy for almost two days, I can see you are hiding something. He is unique.”

Seth closed his eyes, “Can you at least tell me who sent you?”

“Does it really matter? It won’t change anything Seth. I can’t leave until I am released.” Samuel spoke softly. “But I will let you stay. As long as you allow me to do my job. I can see where this child could use two guardians. Will you be willing to share him?”

Seth was struggling, but Samuel was right. It wasn’t his fault, and it looked as if he really had no choice. Samuel had the right to send him away again.
With a heavy sigh, Seth replied. “I have no choice, and this is not about me. Thank you.”

Aronn watched the two angels through the window. He did not understand guardians, only battle. Watching Seth with Christian was something he had never witnessed before. “Could a child really see us?” He thought to himself.

If Seth and Christian had that ability, he was starting to understand a little as to why Seth was so pathetic last night in the park. And then found the strength to defeat the demon. Seth truly loved him, and would die protecting him. “Could this child also see me?” The thought caught Aronn off guard.

Seth, Samuel and Bri stood in the kitchen watching, while Christian and Anna sat at the table, eating breakfast. Christian stayed silent as Anna glared at him. She took a bite of dry toast, and then threw it down in disgust. “This is not a breakfast!” she said to no one in particular.

Christian looked at her with sadness, “Anna, you have to eat, Mom is still in bed, and we are not going to get anything else.”

“She is not our mother Christian, quit calling her that!”

“Yea, well the way I see it Anna, no one else wanted us. It’s not like foster homes are a dime a dozen here. She is the only one we have. You need to give her a chance.”

Anna tipped her chair over as she got up. “I am going to school.”

Christian could see nothing but pain in her eyes. He wondered what her life had been like, before coming here. She didn’t talk to anyone, just stayed in her room.

As Anna left by the back door, Bri followed. As they walked past one of the war angels, Bri noticed the black demon named pain, shrink to hide himself. He tried to reach out and cling to Anna’s leg. Trying to pass unnoticed. It didn’t work, he felt the pain sear into his side as he landed about 20 feet from Anna. He looked up at the large angel who had kicked him. “This is my home, not yours; you cannot keep me from it.” He hissed. “Anna is mine; I have the right to go everywhere she goes.”

The war angel bent down staring the small demon in the eyes. “As long as I am here, every time you pass me, you will fly. Bet on it.” he grinned as the demon scrambled to his feet and limped off after Anna.

“Thank you” Bri said with a smile. Watching as the angels standing shoulder to shoulder all laughed. “Any time Bri, it is our pleasure.”

As a guardian angel, she could not do anything about the demons that clung to Anna. At least not until Anna found faith. Until then she had to endure them, Anna’s freewill kept Bri limited in her protection. Only Anna could tell them to leave, and she was unaware of them. Bri sadly followed Anna to school.

Christian bent to kiss his foster mother on the cheek, pulling her covers up over her shoulders. He said a silent prayer, and then gently closed the bedroom door behind him. And headed off to school with Seth and Samuel walking on each side of him.

As the trio passed a small tree a little demon named sadness, reached out with one skinny arm trying to grab at Christian. Seth stepped on his hand, crunching the bones, without even stopping he growled. “Don’t even think about it!”

Samuel laughed, “Do they seriously think we are stupid?”

People passing them only noticed a small boy walking alone, their unseeing eyes could not see the two large angels, one with his hand resting on Christian’s head.

“Do you see that?” came a hiss from behind the gas station. “Hate failed with his mission. Now what do we do?”

The larger demon sneered, reached out and back handed the smaller one, sending him rolling. “Why did you do that?” the smaller one whined.

“Because I could!” the large demon said with his eyes squinted. “Now go to the stronghold and let them know what we have just seen. I will continue to trail them.”

“You’re not the boss of me!”

The large demon lunged for the smaller one, picked him up with one thick arm and threw him into the wall of the gas station. “Don’t question me you little puke of a bug.”

“Fine, fine, you don’t have to get huffy, I will do it.” The small one said as he scurried off.
Last edited by Kim on Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:51 pm, edited 2 times in total.
  





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Fri Nov 02, 2007 12:59 am
B r i a s a u r u s says...



I love it.
Hurry and write chapter 7!
Tell me when its up.
  





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Fri Nov 02, 2007 1:19 am
BigBadBear says...



Oh wow! This is...freaking awesome!
Kim, you've done it again. I see that sometimes you break sentences up like this:

" and then gently closed the bedroom door behind him. And headed off to school with Seth and Samuel "

These can be the same sentence.

And I have a question: Who was that that made Anna's demon go away? Samuel? Seth? Anyway, now you have gotten into the story: there are a ton of demons everywhere that you could have introduced a little better, but that is it.


Good job, Kimmy!


BBB
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Fri Nov 02, 2007 4:38 am
Kim says...



thanks bear. i will fix the sentence, the angel that kicked Anna demon, was one of the war angels sent to guard the house and seth.
i am trying not to name all the demons. just a few. i dont want them as main characters.
i feel if i give a name to every angel and demon, the story would get confusing. but i will go back and read it, to see what i can do to make it less confusing. thanks for the comment. i appreciate it.
kim
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:45 pm
bkwrm says...



Just three things this time;

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!”

Add a question mark in before the exclamation mark.

Aronn watched the two angels thru the window.

'Through' not 'thru'.

Also, there are times when your characters are speaking when they would probably say things such as 'I'll' instead of 'I will' if they were real - you might want to look through and decide where you could do this. Don't overdo it and merge everything that can be merged together, but if you merge stuff on a couple of occasions the speech will flow better.

I can't see any problems with it apart from that. Well done, yet again!
Bkwrm
  





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Sun Nov 04, 2007 11:27 pm
lysolstinks says...



again, you surprised me with the dialogue. mental images i am not sure i want,.
but yet i cant stop reading.
very well done.

lysolstinks
  





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Mon Nov 05, 2007 1:29 am
hummingbird says...



You are adding more characters and making this even more exciting. I liked seeing Aaron trying to figure out the relationship between Christian and Seth. You are really making his character come even more alive and personal. Introducing Anna as a character and not just a name now makes me want to know more about her. It was cool to read how the war angel did not like the demon pain coming near her and kicked him. The visual was great. Putting them in a foster home even makes me wonder more where you are going with this. Keep writing.


Hummingbird
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Mon Nov 26, 2007 10:25 am
xyberangel says...



nice writing Kim, I love the ideas your developing about how only we humans can banish the demons. I really love it how the names of the demons seem to reflect all the darker emotions of humans. Wouldn't it be cool if the angels reflected all the more lighter side of souls? Maybe that would be too much though..

Here's a few suggestions:

He to worried about Anna.
This doesnt make sense. Is it 'He was worreied about Anna aswell.


He should feel secure, but inside he knew what it meant. And security definitely did not fit the picture.

Meant what? How did security not fit the picture?

“I just follow orders Seth, it is not my fault they replaced you with me.” Samuel looked at Christian, who was now getting dressed. “I have not been told why, but being with this boy for almost two days, I can see you are hiding something. He is unique.”

Remember to start a new line after each speech line.~

“Could this child also see me?” The thought caught Aronn off guard.
-I like this line, good use of tension.

As Anna left by the back door, Bri followed. As they walked past one of the war angels, Bri noticed the black demon named pain, shrink to hide himself.
By the way are you using the demons names in little letters to create effect, like saying how they're more insignificant or something? I'm wondering why Hate has a capital while the demon pain and sadness are all in lower caps..


The war angel bent down staring the small demon in the eyes
It could be stronger like The war angel crouched down staring down at the small demon in the eyes.

Other than that I think its going quite well, keep up the good work

xxFlora ^^
  





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Mon Nov 26, 2007 4:12 pm
Kim says...



angel i really like your idea's , they make a huge difference. i have a tendency to run out of words. thanks so much.
  








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