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Midnight Darkness #5



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Wed Nov 07, 2007 2:54 am
BigBadBear says...



Chapter Five: Wolfgang

In the dense, green canopy of the forest, Chief Mountain was hidden from view by thick trees. Their branches hung low and pine needles stuck out in every which way.

The floor of the forest was covered with dead leaves. Rotten leaves that ants have made a couple meals out of. Get the picture? The bushes were bright green, considering that it was the middle of autumn. The sunlight brilliantly shined through and seemed to melt onto the leaves and branches. Animals you would see, scurried their way through the dense forest, probably being chased by a predator. There were occasional streams or brooks that Payton and I passed, but not very often. When we did come across one though, Payton through expert hands cupped his hands and dipped it in the water. When his hands were full of the river water, his scooped it up and carefully placed it on his lips. He opened his mouth and slowly drank. The water trickled out of his cupped hands and down his shirt, and he drank as much as he could. When he was finished, he would wipe his face with the back of his hand and continue on.

Have you ever tried to climb a mountain with no visible path? Have you? Well, to tell the truth, it’s sort of hard.

From the moment that we had left the taxi and Payton had paid, my English teacher quickly ran up the long path that had been created by eager travelers. Once up there, the path turned right, and Payton stopped.

I was still on the bottom of the gigantic hill by the time that he was up on the top. I was amazed at how fast he could run. I wasn’t a very fast runner, but I had a go.

Slowly, I ran as fast and hard as I could. Sweat started to crawl off of my face in drops, and then in streams. By the time that I was halfway up, I stopped and gasped for air.

How could he have made it up so fast, without even breaking a sweat, I had no clue. Payton shouted down at me, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. It all came out as noises by the end.

At least five minuets later, I made it to the top. I was freaking proud of myself, and right as I reached the point, Payton dashed into the forest, on no path that had been created. I heard him yell, “Landon! Over here! Fort Wolfgang is really hard to get to, so we need to start now if we are to get there by dark!”

I staggered my breathing and ran into the dense, green forest.

“Payton? Where are you?” I cried. Oh crap, now I had lost my only hope of getting out of this stupid forest!

“Payton! I’m lost!” I yelled out in frustration. We had been running for minuets on end, and I couldn’t breath anymore, and this thick humid was helping no further.

“Pay –”

Suddenly, I heard a noise behind me. I quickly turned my head, expecting to see my teacher, and gasped. My brown eyes widened, and I stood up.

In front of me was a big, black bear. Its fur was all ruffled up, and in some spots, it was torn out. Blood coated the fur, and it looked like it had just stepped out of a battle zone.

I quickly stepped back, ready to run if the bear decided to attack. It waited. I waited. I was freaking terrified out of my mind!

Then I realized that I was a werewolf! How dumb could I get? Now, how do I morph?

Suddenly, the bear lurched itself at me, and I screamed a high, girly scream. It roared really loud, and I tripped over my foot. “Argh!” I cried. The bear was advancing! I had to get out of there!

I turned around and flung myself up, and I felt the bear closing in on me. I quickly stole a glance from behind, and saw the big bear running at me. I stumbled forward, right into a tree.

With my new awesome reflexes that I had attained from being a werewolf, I hurdled myself away, and the bear smashed into the tree.

I looked back and laughed. The bear fell to the ground, and shook its head.

“Take that, you ugly beast!” I shouted. Then a hand grabbed me and I fell to the ground. Someone was holding on to me and I knew that it wasn’t Payton! This man’s hand was all rough and furry, and he meant business!

This man grabbed one of my arms and slowly dragged me backwards, and only heaven knew where. I was going to die! This man was going to kill me! If only I knew how to transform! I needed to now!

I struggled to get out, but with no success. This man had taken me away, and I had no idea where I was anymore. His hand still covered my mouth, and I couldn’t even bite him!

Payton must be wondering where I am. He will come looking for me. Right? Right?

Suddenly, I saw a head. It was the man’s head! He was very gruff looking, and I saw big long fangs in his mouth.

Even though Vampires had fangs, I could tell that this guy wasn’t one of them. He was a werewolf, and I didn’t know if he was going to kill me or not, so I started squirming more.

The man lowered is head to my belly, and slowly let his teeth sink into my skin. I fell asleep and heard no more.

I specifically remembered groaning first. I, being dreadfully tired and terrible feeling, groaned and yawned at the same time, which is a very difficult thing to do.

The next moment, I heard loud voices yelling, “What in the world were you trying to do, boy? You have endangered the whole werewolf community!”

Not a very pleasant thing to wake up to, huh?

“What were you doing, Landon, with them?” this was Payton’s voice. I could tell because he was not as angry sounding as the other low male voice that spoke.

I opened my eyes, and found myself looking up into the eyes of a man. This man was the same man that had kidnapped me!

I jerked my eyes open all the way and then bolted up. The man growled at me, and then grabbed my shoulders and threw me around, so I was facing him, and Payton, who was behind him.

Payton looked like a dirty, tired man, which he probably was. Then I noticed that we were in a cave or something, because there was a small light at the far end, which meant that we were in something.

I slowly looked back up at my kidnapper and said, “What are you talking about? The bear was going to attack me!”

Payton smiled and said calmly, “Landon, that was no bear. That was a Hag.

The other werewolf that had kidnapped me turned to Payton and said, “Use proper terms here, Payton!” He turned back to me and said, “You have just dealt with the most powerful magic producing woman in the world! The Witches!”

I gasped. The Witches? I had written something about them in my report, hadn’t I? I really didn’t know who they were, and Payton interrupted my thinking, “The Witches are the break offs of Vampires. They were outcasts because they didn’t want to fight, like the male Vampires. All of the women broke off and became the Hags.”

“Witches!” the other man said, correcting Payton with a tone of annoyance.

Payton rolled his eyes.

“So? I mean, it was a bear! It wasn’t a female Vampire!” I said. None of this was making sense, but then I thought, when has anything?

“Witches can produce magic, or whatever they call it these days,” Payton answered me. “Didn’t they in school teach you guys about Witches? You know, the bubbling pots and cauldrons? Well, that’s them, minus all of the potions.”

I understood now. So, I guess now Vampires can turn into stuff. One of them had transformed into a bear. Why, though?

The other man stood up and brushed his pants off. He looked down at me with his dark, brown eyes and said, “I’m Bart. It’s nice to finally meet you, Landon. Welcome to the world of werewolves.”

I must have looked surprised. Why was this…Bart guy talking so nicely now? I shook my head. Nothing made sense, but what else was new?

“Landon, are you going to introduce yourself?” Payton asked me. I sighed, and said, “Hi. I’m Landon Maxfield. How are you?” My voice was flat and dull.

“There. That is proper,” Payton said, satisfied. Bart laughed.

“Proper? Since when have werewolves been proper?” Bart roared. His voice was deep, and terrifying.

“Ever since I have become civilized!” Payton threw back. There was silence for a moment, and then the two adult werewolves burst out laughing.

I rolled my eyes. Stupid werewolves.

Well, it turns out that Bart was heading towards this big werewolf council thingy. Sounds interesting right? Not really.

“I am the head of the Enforcers. My job is to keep control of the amount of werewolves that we obtain each year. If we get too populated, we have a big council like the one that we are doing in a few days to decide who will sacrifice themselves. It’s not a pretty job. Lot’s of death and killing. But that’s us. We live to kill!” Bart told me. Everything that I was learning each day was not helping my point of view of the werewolves!

Night was approaching. I could feel my snout growing in, and the other two men quickly slid out of their clothes, and I saw their fur start growing. As soon as Bart looked at me, he gasped.

“He’s white!” he cried. I smiled, or at least tried to. I can’t do a lot of things with a snout.

“Yeah, that is my only main concern with him. I have never seen white fur before,” Payton replied. Bart eyed me until we were all fully transformed in our soft, warm fur, and then headed for Fort Wolfgang.

It is a ton easier to see in the dark now. I couldn’t even believe it! The forest seemed to light up, and we could quickly navigate ourselves through the forest. Our feet could carry our bodies through anything also! The mountains were hard to get through, but in a matter of hours, we emerged through a bush, and there it was. Fort Wolfgang was up on a hill, completely covered by brush and trees. It would only have been visible if you were in a helicopter, flying dangerously low.

Payton’s cold nose nudged me, and he directed me over to a large gate. I could see a brightly lit fire, and could almost feel its warmth. Bart leaped up and pressed a hidden button that I could not for the life of me see, and the gate slowly and silently lifted up.


As soon as we got in, there were two big men walking towards us. I looked at them, and they looked back at me. One of them had his eyes raised, staring at my white fur, while the other was talking to Bart and Payton. We were still in our werewolf form, so we couldn’t reply back. They lead us to another big doorway, and suddenly, I heard Payton’s voice, “Landon, we can now transform back.”

I jumped and looked at my teacher. He was now walking on two feet, his snout shrinking fast. I nodded and tried my best to grow back. The fur went shorter and I suddenly grew fingers, but that was as far as I could go. I didn’t know how to transform!

Payton walked over to me, still in the process of transforming, told me what to do, and I followed his instructions. He told me to think about my objective A.K.A. transforming, and let it fill me up. He said that it always worked for him.

Surprisingly enough, it did work. I thanked him for the tip, and when I transformed completely, I was naked. Again.

Sometimes – no wait, all the time – that really bugs me. Why can’t we at least keep our boxers on?

The guards took us to the clothing station, and gave us a pair of really ugly black tee shirts and some jeans. One guard, that I found out that his name was Joel, told us the way to the showers and then to our rooms.

Payton had instructed that we should not be in the same room, so I had a room all to myself for once! I was so freaking happy, that I about hugged Payton. He laughed and told me to get dressed and meet him outside of his room, just down the hall.
Fort Wolfgang was huge! I mean huge! The walls, the rooms, just everything about it was double its normal height!




________________
To be continued.

Thanks everyone for commenting! I love them!
Just write -- the rest of life will follow.

Would love help on this.
  





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Reviews: 135
Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:10 am
cat4prowl says...



Another awesome chapter! The only thing i noticed was that some of the sentences were awkward. i had to read them a couple of times. Revise, revise, blah blah blah...
Yah so these are some of the ones i noticed:

Animals you would see, scurried their way through the dense forest, probably being chased by a predator.

that one seems like two different thoughts: you saw animals and they were probably getting chased.

When we did come across one though, Payton through expert hands cupped his hands and dipped it in the water. When his hands were full of the river water, his scooped it up and carefully placed it on his lips. He opened his mouth and slowly drank. The water trickled out of his cupped hands and down his shirt, and he drank as much as he could. When he was finished, he would wipe his face with the back of his hand and continue on.

i like the descriptions but i already know how people drink water, if you're going to give that much detail, make something about the way he drinks unique.

From the moment that we had left the taxi and Payton had paid, my English teacher quickly ran up the long path that had been created by eager travelers. Once up there, the path turned right, and Payton stopped.

this is an awkward paragraph. first of all, if he left the taxi then of course he had paid and second of all, where did the taxi stop? what did it look like?

Slowly, I ran as fast and hard as I could.

ha ha i loved that sentence! so oxymoronic! (love that word)

How could he have made it up so fast, without even breaking a sweat, I had no clue.

take out the first he and it'll make sense

It all came out as noises by the end

of course it came out as noise, descriptions



there are a couple more but not too bad. overall, this chapter seemed a little rushed. i mean, i want you to write as quickly as possible but i can exercise a LITTLE patience. not much though. so basically, i would suggest printing up all your chapters and reading through them. You will definitely find some mistakes.

However, just because this was rushed does not mean i like it any less. I liked the surprise witch bear and i still really like the way you write. keep writing!

your #1 fan!
  





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Wed Nov 07, 2007 7:09 am
Kim says...



you did it again bear. it is great.
i did notice this one seemed more rushed also . the content was great, and you have kept the sense of humour. the only thing i would change , is to add alittle more ( I know blah huh). but add a little bit more , and slowly move to the next subject.
i loved this , the hags intrigued me. i like how you are adding more characters in each chapter.
it keeps it very intersting. Kudo's to you

kim
  








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