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The Union Chapter 1: resistance



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Thu Mar 10, 2011 8:10 pm
JackCarey says...



The Union
Chapter 1: Resistance

Dawn broke over the city, sunbeams shined through the buildings. Litter and disused waste was scattered by the wind and fluttered across the empty streets. Nikolai woke and breathed in the stale air. He coughed and staggered to his feet. Grunting he walked towards the broken window, wiping off the grime so he could look out. Another glorious day he thought, a small recollection of a smile spread across his rugged face. A rumble of engines came into earshot, Nikolai quickly got out of view hiding below the rotten window.

He peeked out momentarily. A large red tank rumbled lethargically down the road flanked by a dozen faded crimson armoured soldiers. “Bugger” whispered Nikolai, he ran towards his makeshift bed brushing aside empty food cans and packing items into a rattan bag. He tossed the bag onto his back and hurried out. He pushed passed a decayed door dust flying into the air. The rumble of the tank got closer. Nikolai crept down a broken flight of stairs, sunlight hitting his face from the large cavity in the wall.
He quickly ducked into cover as tall armoured soldier marched into view, light reflecting of its golden visor. He continued down the stairs, his foot slipped on a small rock sending him head first, he hit the bottom with a crunch. They must have heard that thought Nikolai panicking. He crawled into a spot of darkness tucking his legs in as he hide behind some debris. Seconds later he could hear a slow clump of footsteps as an armoured soldier investigated the noise. It approached the staircase. Cocking its head quizzically as a sharp blue beam of light shot out of its helmet surveying the staircase then sweeping the entire building.
The light beam reseeded back into the soldier’s helmet and he moved on. He was almost a metre away from Nikolai. The blue beam shot out again scanning the environment. A series of machine like grunts came from the soldier as if he was unhappy of what the scanner had found. Nikolai held his breath waiting for the inevitable. The soldiers slowly made his way towards the debris where Nikolai was hiding. He could hear machine like grunts and squeaks emanating from the helmet of the soldier. A whole number of curse words massed inside Nikolai’s head, why was he here he is such an idiot.
The soldier towered to the side of Nikolai. If it turned round for a second it would see him. A small gust of wind sent pieces of mortar onto the floor in front of Nikolai. The soldier turned round a metallic roar bleared out of its helmet, Nikolai swore. The soldier picked him up by the scruff shining the blue scanner beam into his face. How had he got himself into this, Christ he was dead now. It had been three years since the “Red army” had taken over all of Europe and the world had been thrown into disarray. The soldier growled in a metallic tone signalling Nikolai to approach the tank.
Two red army soldiers approached Nikolai. The one holding him barked some orders and they backed off, one ran to the tank and opened the back hatch. Nikolai was hurled in the tank, with a thud. It was dark and damp. Hunch over figures half starved to death lay crouched in the corner. Nikolai slumped to the floor, it was wet and dirty. “Hey you “a dry voice cried out, Nikolai turned one of the hunched figures, an old women stood up in the far corner. “Yes” replied Nikolai, “got any food” said the old women. Nikolai dug around in his bag, “yeah I got some protein bar crap “he said tossing the old women the bar. “Thank you” she said licking her lips. He went back to his thoughts. They were probably going to put them into a slave camp or a gulag or worse. He felt like punching himself , he had kept to himself for two years and now he was stuck in a tank with a hungry old women been driven to god knows where.
The journey lasted two hours. They were then pulled out of the tank kicking and screaming in some cases outside. There were three people besides him that were in the tank. A small blonde headed boy named Sasha who clung to the old women, Named Manya, and a tall young man who was silent and hadn’t spoken a word. The group were lead into a large compound surrounded by tall wire mesh fences. There they saw many other people being herded like cattle into single file lines .Nikolai tapped the man in front of him on the back “what the hell is going on here”, the man turned around “All people who don’t sign up for this citizenship thing are taken to compounds and …” the man trailed off. Any person who broke ranks was beaten wildly by red army soldiers. Up a head Nikolai could see a large wall with bullet holes and red splatters across it. The guards dragged the people at the front of the lines and pushed them up against the wall. He could hear one of the people being dragged off “please I’ll do anything oh god help me please”. They drew small submachine guns. The lines erupted in screaming as the soldiers fired. People started clawing at the guards hitting them feebly. Some scaled the wire fences only to be shot by soldiers. Amongst the anarchy Nikolai noticed the silent man from the tank pull a silver knife from his pocket that glinted in the harsh sunlight.
Nikolai watched as he stealthily advanced towards a red army soldier attempting to manage a group of rioters clawing at the fence. The man raised the knife and plunged it into the soldiers clavicle, he immediately span round and grasped the man by the throat. The soldier lifted the man up in the air wrenching his neck with a spine chilling crack. He dropped the man he laid on the floor his neck twisted in an unnatural angle. Nikolai heard increased amount of gunfire as the soldiers attempted to control the tide of people trying to escape their deaths. He decided to run since the guards were caught up with the riot he would be able to sneak off. He weaved in an out the turmoil, guards struggled with rioters who hit them over the head with rocks and stones. A young woman grabbed his shoulder “take me with you please “she cried Nikolai batted her hand a way. He had to get out of here.
Nikolai belly crawled underneath a gap in the wire fence. He began to run his adrenaline pumping faster than his heart. A helicopter zoomed overhead and hovered above the compound, a torrent of machine gun fire spewed from the helicopters guns. Screams and moans rang out “Jesus” thought Nikolai he kept running. A bullet whizzed past him slamming into a nearby tree he glanced back. A group of soldiers were pursuing him machine guns firing. Nikolai stumbled as a bullet impacted on his left leg sending him to the floor. He crawled hopelessly through the dirt and mud tears running down his face. The pain was too much he blacked out. He drifted in and out consciousness, he saw red army soldiers rushing towards him, but were cut down by mysterious bullet fire from behind him. He felt a sharp tug as masked man in military fatigues dragged him along the ground. He was suddenly lifted onto what he believed to be a truck. He could see the compound in the distance, he heard muffled shouting and the truck jolted and began to move. Nikolai drifted in and out of a hazy world where everything went at a snail’s pace and voices were distorted and faces blurred. A man’s face was thrust in front of him, he was shouting something.
The man seemed to give up and let Nikolai slump back onto the floor of the truck. Nikolai could see the compound it sat on the horizon perfectly, before bursting into an inferno. The shockwave rocked the truck, Nicolai’s mind seemed too imploded and he closed his eyes. He was woken by the sound of arguing. Two men in scruffy military fatigues were shouting at each other, “listen her you coward we stay here, and wait for our orders” spat a man with a long scar running down his face. “You are a fool Sergei, there aren’t any orders your living a lie and those commies are upping there patrols your dead here!” replied the other man, “leave if you want take your stink with you fine by me “roared Sergei. The man gave Sergei a dirty look before exiting through a door, “anyone else who doesn’t want to wait for orders now’s your chance I won’t hold it against you” Sergei cried out cupping his hands round his mouth. More men solemnly moved and left through the door, Nikolai hadn’t realized they were there in the room with him. The door slammed behind the last man , Sergei exhaled loudly and sat down his head in his hands “ they were good men Sergei why’d you let them go, fool!” muttered Sergei throwing a nearby empty can at the floor . Nikolai sat up “where am I “, Sergei apparently only just noticing Nikolai and walked over. “Why you’re in good hands” smiled Sergei, “what happened back there” enquired Nikolai “well that compound you were in was a priority target for the resistance, we just came across you by chance and picked you up “replied Sergei. “What resistance” grunted Nikolai “what resistance, what cheek!” laughed Sergei.

“So are you a part of this resistance huh “smirked Nikolai, Sergei’s face darkened and a silence fell over the room. “You must be hungry my friend” said Sergei dismissing Nikolai’s question,” Alexandria will fix you up some grub”. Sergei signalled for Nikolai to proceed down a poorly lit corridor. The corridor smelt like sweat and off food, Nikolai trudged through it coming to a door, he breathed in and entered. The room was a menagerie of items, two assault rifles were propped up next to a disused chair, pots and pans covered in grime and scum were scattered everywhere. “Hello” said Nikolai meekly, “hi what can I do you for” came I voice from behind what looked like an old cooker. “Sergei told me that this where I could get food” replied Nikolai “that’s me “ a sleek blonde headed girl popped up from behind the cooker, “you must be Alexandria” said Nikolai outstretching his hand “please call me Axel only Sergei calls me Alexandria “ she spat her name like it tasted wrong in her mouth. She reached over to a nearby pot and poured some brown soup like substance into a nearby bowl, “Here you go “she said giving the bowl to Nikolai, he wolfed it down. Suddenly Sergei burst into the room, listen up we got a squad of red soldiers coming this way get into position while I see what they want. Axel grabbed the two assault rifles and threw Nikolai one, “follow me “she said sprinting down the corridor. Nikolai and Axel crouched at opposite ends of the main door, “listen if something goes wrong take e’m out” said Sergei opening the door and walking out. A tall soldier in a black trench coat and an officer’s hat stood outside his golden visor shimmering, in the dim light. A small military jeep was parked a way up the road the engine still on the driver waiting. Nikolai could hear the harsh sound of the officer’s gasmask like breathing grate. “What do you want” said Sergei, “we have reason to believe that you are harbouring a red army compound prisoner” replied the officer in a neutral voice. “Well your wrong we haven’t got any fugitives we have no idea what you’re on about “Sergei said acting dumb. “Well a quick check of your shack, sorry I mean house will clarify everything” smirked the officer from behind the gasmask. The officer gestured for the driver to follow him inside. The driver quickly scurried to his side like a lap dog. Axel leaned over “make yourself scarce. “Nikolai got up and scuttled out of sight behind a pile of old crates and soiled furniture. He could hear the officer enter the house. “Quite a nice place here Mr?” enquired the officer “Sergei just call me Sergei “. “Well I’ll just have a look around I’m sure this is just a whole miss understanding “said the officer, Sergei could picture the smug grin behind the helmet.
The officer proceeded to look around the house he carried a pocket sized scanner like the one Nikolai had seen the soldiers use. The entire time the officer carried this out, the driver stood at the door like a sentry. The officer came across the assault rifles in the kitchen “who do these belong to “shouted the officer. “Those are mine “said Axel the officer stalked towards her “I see what you use these for my sweet “snarled the officer inches from Axels face, “mainly self-defence things of that nature”. The officer withdrew “good good” he laughed “well Sergei no need to worry your house is ship shape no one here that shouldn’t be, I bide you farewell”, the officer opened the door and was about to leave “one more thing, could I interest you in coming along to our leaders speech in Moscow city anyone can go citizen or not”. “We will try and attend what is the nature of the speech?” asked Sergei. “ I cannot tell you at the current time but have these” the officer said producing a flyer and booklet. “Good day”. Nikolai Sergei and Axel watched as the jeep pulled away and disappeared into the horizon.
Sergei stared at the booklet and flyer. “what does it say” asked Axel , “it says” Sergei took a breath in “that all citizens and non-citizens of the UNITED COMMUNIST STATES OF EUROPE are invited to a celebration marking the 5 years of the 2011 revolution, the president Alexi Dragovski will give a speech etcetera etcetera!” moaned Sergei . “What else” pressed Nikolai, “we shall continue the discussion at dinner” proclaimed Sergei marching out of the room. Soon after the three sat at a grotty table, drinking gone off beer and strange meat, Sergei was the first to talk. “So Nikolai do you know what has actually happening of the last 5 years or in fact what has happened?” “No I haven’t, I know there were large riots that started in Russian and expanded throughout Europe then after months of riots and deaths this Dragovski shows up and takes everything over, then next thing the streets are empty only citizens are allowed into major cities “ said Nikolai. Sergei smiled “you are partly true my friend, the whole of Europe was in mass riot but Dragovski did not take over to some he brought peace to Europe and unified it, but Europe has been sealed off from the other countries sure we can trade with them but no one is allowed out or in” finished Sergei relaxing into his chair.
Nikolai could just make out a hint of pride or proudness on Sergei’s face, in the low light of the one candle that lit the room. “Earlier I asked if you were part of this resistance, you were talking about” said Nikolai taking a mouthful of the meat. Sergei cracked his knuckles “we are not part of the resistance as such in fact we were only near that compound we picked you up by chance, thing is we listen in to resistance reports we were waiting for some orders to be broadcast so we could go and help”.
“I see” said Nikolai. There was no talk for the rest of the meal and they went to bed shortly after, Axel had made a makeshift bed on the floor and Nikolai happily lay down. The moon seeped through the windows and Nikolai closed his eyes. He was awoken by a knocking on the front door, a frantic crazy knock. He got up Sergei was already at the door, a stocky man stood at the door dressed in presentable military clothes but had a rugged weathered look about him “who the hell are you” said Sergei half awake. “My name is not of any concern right now, are you aware of the impending Speech and celebration in Moscow “quizzed the man “yes we are “replied Sergei wiping the sleep from his eyes, “good that saves five minutes my good sir I am about to give you the opportunity to overthrow the UCSE in one swift blow and to join the resistance” cried the man mellow dramatically.
Sergei’s eyes widened “yes sir “, “good soldier we are holding a debriefing seminar at o six hundred tomorrow in the city hall, if you have any weapons could you bring them as well as supplies and essential’s” ended the man, “hopefully see I will see you there”. It took a good two minutes for Sergei to come over the news “pack your things let’s get ready, come move it, Nikolai help Alexandria with the packing we’re part of the resistance now”. The entire day consisted of packing items and checking what had been pack and soon on, Nikolai wondered it was time to get back at these commies and maybe escape the nightmare which was the future.
By the mourning everything was packed and ready. Axel sat on a heap of backpacks and supplies Sergei paced back and forth mentally checking everything and going over their root. “So that’s everything then Nikolai help Alexandria loaded up the truck” said Sergei after a silence of about ten minutes. Nikolai carried the supplies to the truck and dumped them in the back. He stared at the empty farmland that surrounded the house, he watched as the sun crept over the horizon, he felt a slap round the back of his head “concentrate” said Sergei , Axel chuckled as she got in the passenger seat.
Nikolai sat in the back and took point with the assault rifle. The truck slowly drove away from the house. Soon the barren farmland turned into deserted cityscape. Nikolai swept his gaze from building to building a rusted sign read “Welcome to Tver” a chill went down Nikolai’s spine this place used to be a big time city with people bustling and pushing their way to work. “The city hall is just up ahead get ready you guys” shouted Sergei over the trucks engine. Nikolai tensed his muscles his finger gripping the trigger of the gun.
The trucks stopped outside a decrepit city hall, red army propaganda poster were pasted all over it. The three got out of the jeep “this is it “mumbled Axel, they unloaded the truck and trudged towards the city hall. They approached the doors, Sergei was about to knock when the door swung open. “Welcome to the resistance” declared a man in a balaclava and a shotgun slung over his shoulder. Nikolai entered a large open room the only light was of dappled sunlight bleeding through the rafters. People in militaristic clothes buzzed around like ants carry crates and munitions. A young boy was up a ladder raising a banner. A skull with two crossed sickles. The balaclava wearing man ushered them in, the man who had visited them yesterday strode towards them a smile on his face “you came brilliant we need all the men …and women we need please this way” beamed the man. Axel Nikolai and Sergei followed the man, they passed a group of resistance soldiers one smiled at Axel, she smiled back “don’t get any ideas” said Sergei bluntly noticing what was happening.
They were lead into a big open room. The room was packed with people, a load voice rose above the general dull chatter “quiet please my friends, this is the resistance you are the resistance , in a few days’ time we will end this reign of oppression we will kill Vladimir Dragovski” the room erupted with cheering. The speech came from a tall man in a black suit and salt and pepper hair, he soaked up the applause and cheering before continuing “all of you in this room will overthrow this vile dictator we will hang our flag from the kremlin and free the people” this was followed by more applause. Nikolai waded through the crowd and waited on the outskirts, he sat down on a nearby chair. The man droned on about patriotism and dying for the greater good, after what seemed a lifetime the speech ended.
Nikolai got up and followed the crowd catching up with Sergei. “So you buying into this Sergei “laughed Nikolai , Sergei span round and gripped Nikolai by each shoulder “listen here this is the first time we can fight back , don’t mock what this is” he relaxed his grip. Nikolai stood there momentarily stunned by Sergei’s passion for this resistance movement, Axel shook him from behind “don’t mind him, he’s had his mind set on this since he started listening to their broadcasts” said Axel and walked off. He was about to go after her when a shudder rocked the building. The sound of the main doors splintering echoed through the building a resistance fighter shouted “Red’s!” before an iron clawed hand pulled him away. Everyone fell silent, Nikolai looked around nervously. It felt like something was moving around inside the building, every time there was a slight creaked or groan people’s heads turned and guns pointed. “What was that “said a resistances fighter close to Nikolai “I don’t know “said another. Their answer came as the body of the missing resistance fighter was casually thrown at the group of people as if to entice them. Women screamed and covered their children’s eyes. A man stepped towards the body. Everyone just stay calm….” His sentence was cut short as a bullet tore through his mid-section. A great black hulking figure seamed to materialize from the shadows. It reared its head, it was similar to that of the red soldiers helms but this one had six multiple eye like optics spanning its head and a large breathing grate at the front. The room exploded with gunfire as the resistance fighters fired on the hulking giant. In the confusion Nikolai was knocked to the floor. He watched as this giant mechanical beast brushed aside men like ragdolls and tossed them into the air. On each hand it had large clawed fingers which it used like scythes cutting through people like butter.
Nikolai attempted to get to his feet but was again knocked back down by fleeing people. A nearby man was gutted by the scythe like claws his blood spraying the walls a dark crimson. “Dear god mercy” cried Nikolai. Amidst the death and confusion the giant rose up to its full height. Nikolai could see the words KGB77 on its shoulder pad. He heard of traveller’s talk of colossal creatures that stole away people in the night and had claws like bears, he had classed these stories as old wives tales, how wrong he was. He snapped back to the present, the KGB or whatever it was, had been severely wounded by resistance fire. Its arm was bullet ridden, and it began to slink away melting away into the shadows. Nikolai surveyed the destruction he got up avoiding the entrails strewn across the floor. He slowly walked across the hall he held in a retch as he saw a resistance fighter cleanly sliced in half.
He suddenly felt dizzy, he open the main doors and tumbled into the street. He looked back at the city hall. He had lost Sergei and Axel. Nikolai stared up the road he could see a sign saying “Moscow 25 miles”. He looked at the sky. The sun was retreating into the horizon. He pulled out a sleeping bag he and Axel had packed from the truck, and fell asleep in the passenger seat. He woke up to the clamouring of tools, he looked around. Hooded figures were unfastening parts of the jeep and scurry away with them. “Hey “Nikolai shouted, the figures turn round and began to work faster. Nikolai got out of the truck “what the hell are you doing” screamed Nikolai , the closest figure to him turned an old revolver in his hand “back off man” said the figure ,he was a man in his late fifties , Nikolai stepped back his glance fixed on an assault rifle in the back of the truck . “This truck is ours you hear, so get the hell outta here now” roared the man his hand shaking slightly making the revolver rattle. Nikolai went to grab the assault rifle which was nestled between to duffle bags , “what do you think you’re doing “ said the man in a panicking tone “ just getting some supplies , you can have everything just let me get some food and medicine , and I’ll go “ replied Nikolai calmly , “fine” said the man keeping the gun trained on Nikolai. In one quick movement Nikolai grabbed the gun and fired a burst at the man, he doubled over. His revolver dropped to the floor with a clang, another man shouted “hey are you alright “sticking his head out from behind the bonnet of the truck, Nikolai replied with a burst of fire. There was a muffled slump and a limp arm came into view. Nikolai peered round the truck, it was silent. He stepped back to fathom the damage to the truck, the engine had been gutted its contents scattered across the floor like the entrails of a mechanical beast.
Nikolai swore, he picked up the dead man’s revolver and stuffed it into his waist band, he gazed down the road he decided at that point he would travel to Moscow, he thought to himself. Was that a decision he would regret.
  





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Thu Mar 24, 2011 7:01 pm
IcyFlame says...



JackCarey wrote:sunbeams shined through the buildings
Unless they are transparent the sun will not shine 'through' them.
The whole of the forst paragraph consists of short sentences; I suggest you add some long ones to vary the structure.
JackCarey wrote:“Bugger”

this should be a new paragraph
JackCarey wrote:He tossed the bag onto his back and hurried out. He pushed passed a decayed door dust flying into the air. The rumble of the tank got closer. Nikolai crept down a broken flight of stairs, sunlight hitting his face from the large cavity in the wall.
This is again, very list-like - add in some commas or connectives.
JackCarey wrote:have heard that commathought

JackCarey wrote:It approached the staircase. Cocking its head quizzically as a sharp blue beam of light shot out of its helmet surveying the staircase then sweeping the entire building.
'It ' is not usually used to describe people. Make it a personal pronoun for people.
JackCarey wrote:reseeded

I assume you meant receded here :)

A lot more of my comments would be to do with your sentence structure, so I'm going to leave it at this. Be sure to go over all your punctuation and each time a new person speaks you need to begin a new paragraph. Contact me if you need advice :)
Oh and one last nitpick:..........
JackCarey wrote:Was that a decision he would regretquestion mark


Punctuation saves lives!! :D
  








Today I bent the truth to be kind, and I have no regret, for I am far surer of what is kind than I am of what is true.
— Robert Brault