May 20, 2009 Day 1
6:30 AM
Zoey’s house
My first thought was someone make it stop. My alarm blared. It was an awful, horrible even ringing sound that pierced my eardrums. It couldn’t just be a gentle soft buzz. It had to be loud and awful. It was like the gladiators screaming as they went into war to warn their enemy that they (and their enemy’s defeats) were approaching.
Or maybe I just wasn’t a morning person.
Could be either one.
I groaned as I finally lurched foreword smashing the snooze button with my fist. I did this every morning. One day it would break on me. It just hadn’t yet. I hated mornings.
Or did I just hate this morning? I knew it was just that I hated this morning. I grabbed my phone. I wouldn’t have my normal ‘good morning! Love you, Logan XOXO’ text from Logan. Not after last night. I didn’t want to look. I was torn. Part of me wanted him to text me and say he was sorry and beg for me back. But that was the naïve boy crazy part of me. The logical part wanted him to leave me alone. The logical part was winning after last night.
I opened it anyway. One new message it read. I sucked in a breath and then read it.
I know you wanted me to give you space. I understand that. But I’m sorry. One more shot Zoey? Please? Love you, Logan XOXO.
One more shot. Great wording Logan. Idiot. You mean a shot at love with me or a shot at my face? Idiot.
I remembered my stance. I’m not going to be a statistic about physical abuse. I won’t. I don’t care if he can be sweet or cute or… crap I’ll miss that. No. I’m not going back with him.
I hit reply then typed.
I gave you a second chance you moron. You screwed yourself. I’m not sorry about it either. Just stay out of my life.
I debated whether or not to hit send and then sent it. I took a deep sigh. Why was I doing this? I closed my eyes and laid back down. I grabbed my sheets and pulling them over my head.
What happened last night? I thought to myself. How did we get there? Well I guess it had always been there in a way. Logan had always hated Ben. Ben Kurt that is, my friend since…well forever. Logan was extremely jealous of Ben. I always reminded him that I was with him, not Ben. But that made no difference to him. None at all.
I guess it started at the Christmas dance. I had gotten into a fight with Logan. He then went and danced with Shelly Thompson a cheerleader who would do anyone without a second thought. I got so angry. I don’t remember exactly what the fight was about, but I remember I was in the right.
I ran into the hallway crying because I heard they had gone behind the bleachers. Logan was supposedly hooking up with Shelly Thompson. I was angry. I hated public emotional displays. I didn’t like with Logan would grab my waist in the mall or would try to make out with me in the movie theater. Something about them was just so…humiliating.
I like being seen as strong. Strength is one of my few good traits. Ben Kurt came to me.
“You alright?” He had asked.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” I said wiping a tear as he sat down beside me. “It’s just he’s my first boyfriend. And I really…really like him.”
“You really…really like the cheating bastard?” He said mocking me. I playfully pushed him.
“I can’t help it. He’s so sweet to me.”
“Or possessive.”
“What?”
“He’s so controlling. Always calling to see where you are, getting angry when you’re with your friends…it’s not healthy.”
“And you know all about good relationships?” I mocked him back. His dating history was actually more colorful than mine.
“Well I never have good relationships because the girl I actually like doesn’t like me back.” He said staring at me.
“You never said anything.”
“I get shy.” He chuckled.
“You should have said something.” I said. He then leaned in and kissed me. It was soft, nice.
“You’re sweet Ben.” I said. Then I kissed him.
“Zoey! Dammit! What the hell are you doing!?” Logan screamed.
Crap. “Crap.” I looked up at Logan. Logan then stormed off towards the football field. “Logan! Come back!” I yelled after him.
It was all downhill from there. It seemed to get worse everyday. Then last night happened. I was in the car with Logan and we had started to fight. All I had done was switch the radio station. Somehow that had escaladed into me being a horrible person.
“You’re such a whore Zoey.” Logan said. I grabbed the door and opened it. I undid my seatbelt and walked out.
“Where are you going!?” He yelled chasing after me.
“Away from you. You should be glad the whore is leaving!” I screamed without turning around.
“C’mon Zoey!” He groaned. “Just get back in the car!”
“No way.”
“Get back in the car!”
“No.”
“Get back in the damn car Zoey! Right now!”
“No!”
“I’m ordering you to get in the car!”
I faked a laugh. “Ordering?! Sorry I didn’t realize you were God! My stupid mistake!”
Then I felt a pain. It was on my arm. I was then yanked backwards. Logan had managed to catch up with me and had grabbed my arm. Tight.
“Logan let go of my arm. You’re hurting me Logan. Just let go.” I said regaining my balance. “Logan. I mean it. Let. Go.” I said again.
“You listen Zoey. And you listen good. Now if you can’t just grow up and start respecting me” He tighten his grip. “We’ll have some problems. Got that? Good. I am the man here.”
“You’re the jackass here!” I yelled correcting him. That set him off. He then used his other hand to grab my face. More like smash it and make me look at him. And I didn’t see Logan my loving yet crazy boyfriend, I saw Logan the monster.
“Listen you little bitch. You are going to get back into that car. Right. Now. And you will never call me that again.”
“Logan!” I started. As soon as I started to speak I saw him flinch. A spark of rage hit his eyes. He raised his hand, balled it into a fist and punched me across the face.
“Don’t you dare interrupt me!” He yelled through clenched teeth. “You got that? Good because”
“Logan just calm down.” I said trying to hide my anger. He then threw his fist at me again. I stared at the ground.
“Why won’t you even shut the hell up Zoey?! You irritate me to no end. With all your useless babble and how you think your sexy. You’re not even pretty. You’re not even normal. The only good thing about you is the fact that you’ll sleep with anyone.”
“I’m a virgin!” I yelled at him. Only to receive another punch.
“Yeah. Right.” He said sarcastic. “I can’t even look at you. You are a pathetic excuse for a girl. You’re lucky I’ll even look at you twice…no look at you at all.” Each word was like a knife into my heart. I bit my lip to stifle the tears.
“Logan I want to go home.” I managed to say.
“I don’t care what you want. You’re getting back into the car. Now!” He yanked me towards it. He made his grip a bit looser. Just loose enough for me to leave.
I started to storm off. But he grabbed me again.
“You’re my girlfriend and you will do as I say!” He yelled as he pulled me to him.
“Not anymore!” I yelled at him finally looking him in the eye. He gasped. His eyes widened, and they filled to the brim. He looked as though he couldn’t breathe. Guess he could see the damage now.
“Zoey, Zoey I’m I’m sorry.” He murmured. “I swear baby it’ll never”
“What it’ll never happen again!? Huh!?” I yanked my arm out. “I believed you! I AM AN IDIOT! OF COURSE IT’LL HAPPEN AGAIN! BECAUSE IT’S ALL A GAME TO YOU! WELL I’M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!” I gathered myself. “It’s over.” I finally said.
“Zoey please.” He started to beg. He started crying dropping to my feet. “Zoey I can’t lose you. I love you; you’re everything to me! I’ll change! I’ll change I promise! Zoey please!”
“Stay away from me Logan. Stay out of my life.” I then turned and stormed away. Then I let myself cry.
And since I allowed it I continued to cry. The whole way home. And then some once I was there. And I was ashamed. What were the drivers and the passengers of the cars zooming past me thinking? What did they think when they saw what I was reduced to? Were they filled with laughter at my expense or horror? Or even pity? Which did I fear the most?
Mostly I was ashamed to have given Logan a second chance. But crying on the side of the freeway was pretty horrific too. And then on top of all that it started to rain.
All I could think on the way home was how much I hated my life. But I could think of someone I hated more.
Logan. But could I say that I really hated him? No I couldn’t. I hated the monster who took over him. I hated how he treated me.
But I didn’t hate him.
That’s why I cried. What kind of self respecting girl still loves someone who does this to her? They don’t, do they? Did I even have my self respect anymore? Had Logan’s words and actions stolen something I cherished so much? Had he not only stolen my childhood innocence but my self respect as well?
Had I allowed him to do it? Was I at fault?
I finally rolled out of bed and trudged downstairs. I looked around wondering if anyone was up. It was a Saturday morning. I was the only one strange enough in my house to set an alarm clock on a Saturday morning.
I walked into the kitchen. No one was there thank God. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone at all. I just wanted to fade into the back round. Into the wall.
I didn’t want to admit that I had been stupid enough to stay with Logan for as long as I did. And since no one was there, I didn’t have to. I poured my cereal in silence then quickly ate it. I ran back upstairs, grabbed my iPod and hurriedly changed into my shorts and a tank top. I ran out of the house and went straight to the track at my high school.
I ran five miles. I was a runner. There was something about the wind flying through your hair. As escape. With music blaring in your ear you don’t think about your troubles. All you think about is half a mile to go. It’s calming.
When that’s all done and over with I trudged back home. It was still early, around eight, so they might still be asleep. I stood on my front porch trying to find the nerve to open the door.
But I didn’t find it. Not at all. So I decided to go on a walk. So I walked down the stairs and started towards the vacant fields.
The vacant fields were a few very large collections of just that which all spread into the next one. It went on for miles. The fields had once been used for baseball games run by church organizations. But eventually those fell apart and grass seeds were planted on the dirt fields. The majority of the place was uncut with some grass growing higher than others. The first field still served somewhat a purpose as nowadays it was used for 4th of July fireworks. Most people complain about it no longer being at the high school but personally I like it better here. That field was still somewhat cared for.
The further inward you walk in the field the better it looks. Or worse as most people would say. I like it further back though. It’s more natural. Like it was never touched at all. The trees were tall, the glasses high. It was the most natural place in the world.
I dropped down into a swat. I cleared my mind. No thoughts. No Logan. Nothing.
Then I heard something. It was a russet. Like a man’s foot crumpling leaves. I stood up.
“Hello?!” I yelled.
I heard it again. Closer now.
“Hello!? Is anybody here?!”
And again. I looked at the ground and saw shoes. Men shoes. Black and white Adias. They walked very carefully towards me. Trying not to let me know he was there.
And then I got a feeling.
I didn’t know who this man was but he wanted to hurt me. Paranoia can be helpful. I cursed myself for coming back here.
“Zoey!” I couldn’t recognize the voice. Not with my freaking out. Yet it did sound familiar.
Then I took off.
“Zoey! Get back here bitch!” He yelled after me. I ran faster and faster. I ran diagonally through the wood using every twist and turn I knew. No one knew these fields better than I did.
I kept running; I never stopped. I ended up at my house. I closed the front door and locked it.
“Zoey?” I jumped spinning around. There stood my mom. She was a petite woman, standing only about 4 feet ten inches tall. Her thin gray hair barely hit her chin.
My mom was old when she had me…adopted me actually. She waited until she was forty four to decide that she wasn’t going to meet Mr. Right and wanted to have her family. With a stable job as a pediatrician and a squeaky clean criminal record; she was quickly granted the authority to adopt. A teenager, about my age, decided that she wasn’t ready to become a parent but couldn’t have an abortion. Nine months later I entered the world and was offered up to my newlywed mother; who ironically fell in love and married my father about six months before.
My father is a delivery man. At thirty six, he met my mother when she ordered some penicillin. He spent the next year or so proving his worth to her, secretly pinning away by himself. He’s a lot different than my mother, a high school drop out; but that didn’t intimidate him.
Now fourteen years later, they’re still happily married.
“Mom! God you scared me!” I yelled.
“I think you’re a little scarier right now, what happened?” She asked sensing my distraught.
“Nothing.” I lied. “I broke up with Logan last night; I’m just a little on edge.”
“Aw, what happened?” She asked. What happened? I can never answer that question again.
“Nothing. He just got a little too possessive. I didn’t like it, so I dumped him. End of Story.” I answered quickly.
“Okay. I guess you don’t want to talk. Do you want any breakfast? I’m making eggs.” I nodded.
“Sure.” I then walked up my stairs. I sat on my bed and pulled out my cell phone. There was a text from Logan.
I’m never giving up on you. Never.
I went under my sheets then replied.
Logan, just stop okay? You’re just making this harder. So stop, please.
I inhaled. Maybe that would get to him. My ringer toned.
No. I love you. I need you. I’m a screw up. But I can change.
My annoyance was growing rapidly.
No, Logan, you cannot change. You always say you will. But you never do. I’m tired of waiting. I won’t wait anymore. Okay? I’m done.
I wonder if I think it hard enough, Logan will get the idea. My phone ring proved me wrong.
You might be done for now. But I’m not.
Talking to Logan was like talking to a brick wall. It just doesn’t make any sense. I stopped replying. But he didn’t. My ringer kept going off and off until I shut off my phone. I just couldn’t take it anymore.
I slid off my bed and grabbed my laptop. I logged on Facebook. I mindlessly scrolled the News Feed until I saw a status update from Logan.
I’m so heartbroken right now. I don’t my eyes can cry anymore. What’s the point?
I almost laughed. It hurt me to see him so sad, but t also made me happy. Like a vengeance had been made. Does that make me a bad person?
I clicked on my profile knowing what I had to do. I clicked on relationship status.
My house phone then rang. I picked it up and answered. “Hello?”
“Hey Zoey. It’s Ben. You busy today?”
“No.”
“You want to come to my game? After that, you can come chill at my place. My mom is making pasta.” He offered. I smiled. Ben’s house is like my second home.
I selected edit status. Ben continued to talk. “Unless Logan would have a heart attack or something.”
“I broke up with Logan. Couldn’t take the drama anymore.”
“He has worse mood swings than my menopausal mom.” He joked. “I’m glad.”
“When’s the game?”
“Twelve thirty.”
“I’d love to come.” I said. I watched with wide eyes as my new status update hit the News Feed.
Zoey Michaels’ relationship status changed from in a relationship with Logan Havana to Single.
I smiled as the likes rolled on.
Ben Kurt likes your changed relationship status.
Heather Taylor likes your changed relationship status.
Luke Powers likes your changed relationship status.
Sammy Strickland likes your changed relationship status.
Yolanda Euler likes your changed relationship status.
Kim Brown likes your changed relationship status.
Johnny Brown likes your changed relationship status.
The comments came even faster than the likes.
“FINALLY!”
“Is there a LOVE button?”
“Ready to be single again?!:]”
“Time for the mall!”
“Let’s be single together!”
“You can do so much better!”
I smiled widely. This made me feel powerful. So many people disliked Logan; correction they hated Logan. I loved it. I clicked on status updates a put a status of my own up.
Heading up to school to watch Ben Kurt’s baseball game. Let’s go JV baseball!:]
I hit the submit button and logged off. I am done with Logan Havana.
My first nitpick is merely technical, you don't appear to hav inserted lone breaks between your paragraphs and this makes it harder to read and less appealing.
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