HIYA! I liked how your prolouge left readers wanting more. You started it off with two people talking and left us wondering where exactly is she going? overall I like it and want to see where exactly this is going. you have alot of grammer mistakes like you might want to add 'the' before mirror.
p.s I find it funny that your only 14 but you rated it 18 or older. you might want to change the rating to 13 and older
Um, sort of interesting, but kind of redundant. He continually kisses her neck over and over again, which seems sort of like a time filler. If some guy kissed my neck over and over again after each sentence, I'd push him off and tell him to quit it. It poses a question sort of similar to what happens in my book, but either way, too much kissing and not enough stuff happening. Also, pay attention to grammar.
Wow why stop there? I say keep writing! Leaving the story hanging like that keeps me and other readers wanting more. Grammar, spelling was great. There would only be one thing I'd change. Use quotes when people talk but when your characters think, use maybe italics to show that. Other than that, I say keep going no matter what. Keep up the good work and ill be waiting for the next part to come.
Remember who you are. You are my son, the one true king. Remember!X)
First thing's first! Uhm, you forgot some words, but, hey, it happens. Kind of choppy to me but that's just me. I think it was really good. Though, I do have some questions.Who is she talking to? What's his name? I think some of the things in this should be played into maybe a tad bit mpre. It was mostly well-written.
Farewell, A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.
Gender:
Points: 300
Reviews: 0