Young Writers Society

************taken out for makeover********

I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. I walked to school. I took the alley way to school. I felt an erie feeling. I walked around corner. The feeling got stronger. Something grabbed my waist and pulled me away from the next turn. There was a force holding me to the wall.

UM........ yeah so not a big fan of how you phrased this instead you could of said

I rolled my eyes and walked out the door. As I took the alley way to school I couldnt help but feel erie. Walking around the corner it only got stronger. Something grabbed my waist and forced me against the brick walls.

then again thats just my oponion. I also though it was a little too short for a chapter and on the last line you spelled dying wrong.

If it was longer with a little improvement and proper grammer I think it would have been a lot better.

Hi,

Grammar alert! Have you forgetten the rules of English? I do that sometimes too. There are some serious spelling errors!
You spelled dying wrong and a few other things if I remember correctly. That was WAY too short to be a chapter. If you put it all together it could be, maybe, a paragraph. It would have been better if you could have played into where the mother was going and why. What's her school's name? Maybe even what time it was. Then again this is just my opinion. Oh, and the first "paragraph" was sooo choppy. You repeated a word that you didn't need to. You could have blended the sentences together for better sentence structure and flow. It needs some work and length but overall, I liked it.

Farewell,
A.

Dudes sorry i would have a beta thing but i am this from a phone since we cant get a computer.....so bye we cant even aford these phones so ya bye see you in four years when. I have graduated high school. And can afford a phone ...and stuff. BYE!!!!!!