Young Writers Society

Chapter 1: The Forgotten Memory

"Emma are you okay?" I asked the redheaded girl.
"Yeah." She said. I held her waist gently as she stood up grasping her ribs. I helped her as she half walked half limped to a tree.
"What about Rebecca?" I asked.She looked in the direction of the blonde headed girl. She was unconsious. I put my two fingers to her neck.
"Her pulse is fast." I said I gently picked her up. "Her arm is broken." I said gently I did not want to wake her up. "Chrisropher?"
"huh?"
"C-Christopher? I dont remeber what happen. Do you?"She asked me.
"No" I tried to stay focoused on everyone else as my body started to feel hevy.
"How are you ribs" I asked.
"They have healed."She said.
"Good I am going to try to heal Rebecca" I kept my mind off of my weakness I walked to the shaded area, and set her down gently. I focused and tried putting all my power into my hands. A pain shot through my head.
"My powers aren't working." I said. The pain returned, and I grasped my head.
"Christopher..."Emma said. My body felt heavier ,and the pain got worse.
"Christopher!"I herd a scream.It wasn't Emma. I couldnt concentrate, and my vision was blurry. I felt a tug on my shirt. "Christopher!"the voice screamed again. Another pain shot through my head but it was worser than any other pain I ever felt in my three years in this new life.
"Christopher!"another voice screamed.
"W-what is happening"i thought.
"Christopher!" The scream wasnt like the first,this time it was Emma. My vision came back and Emma was infront of me her shirt was stained with blood. Rebecca was grasping her arm she wasnt bleeding. I tasted blood in my mouth. "Christopher?"Emma said.
"What happ-"I grasped my head "Happen?"
I stood up still grasping my head.
"Er..you should sit back down chris."
"I am so sorry!" Rebecca cried.
I looked at her confused. I still had the taste of blood in my mouth. "What happen?" I rubbed my head. I walked slowly only ending up on the ground.
"Chris!"she bent down next to me. I grasped my head the pain was not as worse ,but the dizziness got to me.
"I am sor-" Rebecca fell to ground.
She had her hands to her eyes.
"Your arm!" Emma mentioned"They've healed"
"I am sorry"Rebecca looked at me.
"Why?"i asked.
"I blocked your powers and messed with your mind" she cried "I almost killed you"tears ran down her face. I looked at Emma.
"No it wasnt you. I already felt like this." I reasured her.
"No I put a block on myself,and it hurt you!"she cried.
"No!You didnt do this! I already felt weak okay" I grabbed her shoulders.
I grasped my head the pain was returning and for sure it wasnt Rebecca.
"See you didnt do it" I grunted. My vision went blurry again.
"Chris? You okay?"Emma layed her hand on my shoulder.The pain got worse I wanted to scream ,but I didnt want to scare the Rebecca and Emma.
"Christopher?" Emma asked. Her hand touched my forehead.
"You have a fever." She said in a concerned voice. "You should lay down for a while"she mentioned.
"No I am fi-" the pain was getting more worse. I definaly was not fine. My vision was still blurry I felt Emma's hand on my shoulder. My stomache was turning,it felt like the world was spining. "Chr-"the voice.was cut off. I couldn't help but fall into a pit of darkness.
"He still has a fever and I am to weak to carry him on my own." I heard a low voice. My vision was not blurry it was just dark.
"Am I a still unconsious?" I tried to force myself to wake up.
"Might as well stop there is no way you can wake up while going through the change" A familiar voice said. I turned around ,but there was no one there.
When I tuned back around I felt my "body" go back.
I fell back on the "ground". I saw myself. Myself standing right above me.
"The change when you become more powerful." ' I ' said. The exact clone stood above me. The clone wore the plaid red shirt I wore, the jeans I wore,and the shoes I wore. The clone had the same bluish blackish hair,the same green eyes I had, and the same scar on my arm. The clone held the same bow and arrow I had.
"The change in which you see who YOU become ,and all you have to so is fight me." The clone said. He pulled out and arrow and attached it to his bow. He pulled it back towards his ear ,and pointed at me.

I think this story is a good start. You need to fix the grammer in the story.

"Yeah." I held her waist gently as she stood up grasping her ribs. I helped her as she half walked half limped to a tree.
"What about Rebecca?"She looked in the direction of the blonde headed girl. She was unconsious. I put my two fingers to her neck.

I assume Emma is talking, but I am not sure. Try to mention who is talking.

"Christopher..."Emma said. My body felt hevier ,and the pain got worse.

It is spelled heavier. This sentence is strange.

Another pain shot through my head but it was worser than any other pain I ever felt. I felt a tug on my sholder.

I don't know about this sentence.

Other than that, I like your story. I like how you described the emotions. You don't have to make changes if you don't want to. I just notice some mistakes.

We all make grammer mistakes, including I.

Yeah i am so sorry about the typo I meant to spell "Heavier", but I guess I missed a letter. Doing this on a phone is hard.I wish there was a better way that I could afford, But thanks for pointing out the mistakes. I will fix them!
Your new friend,
Name!

Serious grammatical errrors. They are very distracting. HOwever, that being said, this is an excellent idea so far, and if you work a bit at showing rather than telling, it will enhance your writer's voice a lot more. As it is, you voice is very good, but with a little work, it could be AWESOME! (you want to be awesome, right?) You have a lot of skill with word choice as well. You have good verbs, although you need to use less helping verbs. But anyways, overall it's an excellent start. Keep writing!

TS