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The Diamond Fist: Prologue
Gender:
Points: 573
Reviews: 39
Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:30 pm
HHemayed
says...
Hi!This is excellent!
I think it's a bit long, but I'm no expert.
I didn't notice anything wrong or mysterious, but there's one thing:
(around neck)
I think you ought to say: (around my neck)
Good luck with everything. Keep writing.
To be alive is not to breathe, eat or drink. It's your ability to prove your existence.
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"He looks like a turtle who's been through the Vietnam war."
— SirenCymbaline the Kiwi
Gender:
Points: 573
Reviews: 39