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Young Writers Society


The Diamond Fist: Prologue



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39 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 573
Reviews: 39
Mon Jan 23, 2012 5:30 pm
HHemayed says...



Hi!This is excellent!
I think it's a bit long, but I'm no expert.

I didn't notice anything wrong or mysterious, but there's one thing:
(around neck)
I think you ought to say: (around my neck)

Good luck with everything. Keep writing. :D
To be alive is not to breathe, eat or drink. It's your ability to prove your existence.
  








It had a perfectly round door like a porthole, painted green, with a shiny yellow brass knob in the exact middle. The door opened on to a tube-shaped hall like a tunnel: a very comfortable tunnel without smoke, with panelled walls, and floors tiled and carpeted, provided with polished chairs, and lots and lots of pegs for hats and coats—the hobbit was fond of visitors. The tunnel wound on and on, going fairly but not quite straight into the side of the hill —The Hill, as all the people for many miles round called it—and many little round doors opened out of it, first on one side and then on another.
— JRR Tolkien