Young Writers Society

Nick's POV:
My name is Nicholas Jerry Jonas. I go to school at Wycoff High as a straight A student. I'm a junior. I wear glasses, so if you called me nerdy, I really wouldn't mind. I really only have a few friends, and...one person with whom I really want to be friends with again. Oh, and um....I'm gay, too. But Joseph Adam Young is not. [Owl City fan? Then you'll understand why Joe's name is funny. ^^] Joseph is the one I WANT to be friends with again. Shall I explain more? Okay, here goes...

Joe and I were the best of friends for the longest time. Until about...January 14, 2008. When we were in the 8th grade, I told Joe I was gay and that I had feelings for him. He called me a faggot, punched in the stomach and told the entire school about it. A few days afterward, my mom and dad died in a car crash. So I was sent to live with my Uncle Kevin. Uncle Kev is a psychiatrist, so know can always go to him for advice. Almost instantly, I told him about what happened a few days before with Joe.

One day in school I was walking in the hall, just trying to get to class.Trying to be avoided. By a stroke of luck--at this point, I'm still not sure weather it was good or bad luck-- someone in the hall pushed me from behind while I was walking. Joe was coming from the other direction and didn't see me. When I was shoved by that person, it made something happen: It made me and Joe kiss. It lasted for about three seconds, probably because he didn't realize what was going on. I, for one, felt sparks and electric currents and... everyone's eyes burning on us. Joe pulled away, he stared at me for a moment, shook his head, then slapped me. And I ran away. I'm such a damn wimp because that's what I am and always will be. Now I'm lying on my bed crying my eyes out. My entire body is shaking from sobbing so hard when Uncle Kevin comes in.
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This part written by themeankittyrulez, Uploaded by shortstories101
Hope you enjoyed the first ep!

Edited/Added by EssenceOfShadowNinJ (Jackie )

themeankittyrulez, shortstories101, EssenceOfShadowNinJ. (YouTubers)

Insest??? Or owl city??? pushing that aside. This wasn't to bad. But I felt like a young girl was writing it not a older boy. In general the piece was a little to much, tell not show. You spoon feed it to me.

It made me and Joe kiss.

Grammar.

then slapped me

since when did boys slap?

One day in school I was walking in the hal

Some more comma's please!

Anyway keep up the good work! But remember even though a boy is gay he is still a boy full of testosterone ( unless he's a transvestite of some sort).

Adam Young! Yeah Owl City! Anyway...
It's not bad, but it was very rushed! If you took some time to really explain some things like Joe's features, how Nick felt when his parents died. And yeah, I agree, it sounds too much like a girl.
I thought that you needed some editing in here:

punched me in the stomach and told the entire school about it. A few days afterward, my mom and dad died in a car crash. So I was sent to live with my Uncle Kevin. Uncle Kev is a psychiatrist, so I know can always go to him for advice.

Apart from that, just try to explain more instead of moving from scene to scene. And though it hurts me to think of two brothers as gay (I know this is only fanfiction but I can really picture them kissing), I think that this can become a good piece!

Keep writing!

Thank you so much for the comments on this. I really do appericeate (sp?) them. I really haven't had too many people review my stories before, I'm extremely thankful that people are actually reading. I promise it will get more descriptive later. I just need to get more points so I can post. If you want to read the rest on YouTube and send me a message with your comments, go right ahead. My user name for this is JoickJonas2118. Yes. It's the same for here. ^^

Alright. Um, I'm a little confused with this. Is it supposed to be about Nick Jonas and Adam Young? Because if it is, I'm sorry but it doesn't make sense. Now, if it has nothing to do with that, then bravo! It's a little rusty, but I like the idea of it.

Well...Im not a big fan of this type of thing. Not the gay thing. Its just too real for me. But it was a good piece. All I could find was in the second para. it needs to say " I know I can..." but thats all i found. Other then that it was good. And get a bit more discriptive. What was he feeling when his friend hit him, how did his uncle feel about him being gay, that sort of thing. But its a good piece.