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Shadowdancer's: Legend of the Queen ( Prologue )



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Wed Jul 29, 2009 2:27 pm
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DakotaK says...



The Legend

One, two, three, four,
Together we are so much more,
Water, air, fire, earth,
Once a moon they show their mirth,

We all are good, we all are mean,
But none shall rise above the Queen,
She’ll save us all when hope is not,
And redeem that which was long forgot,

Upon a silver moon a foreigner will lay,
And bring our Queen to us one day,
Remember, so she’ll be received by all,
Or she might disappear, and you’ll surely fall

An inherited traveler, she’ll wander far,
And gain a mark, a lonely scar,
Her coat will blend with the sky,
The brilliant moon, up oh so high,

Brave, beautiful, small yet strong,
The cry of adventure is her song,
She’ll conquer the elements all four,
And come unite with us once more,

She’ll soar through the clouds with a fearful heart,
And cross many waters in an adventurous start,
The earth will swallow her into caverns of dark,
Through flaming fire she’ll gain her mark,

The Queen she’ll have a friend of gold,
Together they’ll unravel this Legend of old,
In realization that they are those,
He’ll break the fall, the gates of death he’ll close.


❧Prologue❧





The night was young but cold, the last rays of the sun had disappeared only an hour ago, yet it was pitch black. No moon shown down tonight, to guide the young she-cat through the blustering palms. A storm was not far off, the she-cat could tell from the salty sea driven wind that penetrated her pale-sleek-but thin coat.
Her breath was ragged, her paws were sore, but she knew the message she’d been given was much too important to stop and worry about such things. Her small frame stiffened as she came to an abrupt halt. She relaxed a little when she realized that it was only an old stale scent of badger, though she still remained cautious. She headed on, light and quick.
The she-cat stopped once again. Up ahead the scenery changed, palm forest to pine, sandy floors to damp earth. She trembled at what was up ahead: A different clan’s boundaries. She knew she was about to break the Shadowdancer's oath, the one she’d been striving so hard to keep. If she got caught . . . Then she remembered the message she had to deliver. She listened quietly then gracefully leapt to the other side of a knot of ferns.

“ Ddaawwnncclloouudd.” An eerie voice blew to her on the wind.
Dawncloud, heart pounding, spun around, her hackles raised in aggression, ready to fight whatever creature dare interrupted her important mission. The wind was in her favor though, it told her that it was only Nightblossom, a former Ocean Clan Shadowdancer who had been sentenced into exile, and had left in disgrace.
Nightblossom and Dawncloud had trained to become loyal Ocean Clan Shadowdancer's together. When Nightblossom had betrayed her clan by giving personal clan information, to her secret mate in Hurricane Clan, she had immediately been exiled.
It was a disgrace to cross another clan’s boundary, let alone have a mate from another clan. It did happen every few years though and the clans learned to accept it without too much contradiction. When the information ‘stealing’ had been found out, though, both had been exiled. When her mate had died (no one knew why) she had come and joined Volcano Clan.
Dawncloud felt little sorrow for her old friend and was worried that Nightblossom would report her to Volcano Clans leaders. Nightblossom, who still missed her friend though, didn’t even think of turning her in and asked meekly, “What in the world are you doing here?”

Dawncloud, relieved at Nightblossoms acceptance of her being there, replied, “Nightblossom, I need to see your healer, Tinystream.” Seeing Nightblossoms look of distrust, she hastily added, “It’s an important message from Cocobud. Please Nightblossom, for old time's sake.”
“Cocobud . . .” Nightblossoms eyes wondered off as if the name took her back to so many good memories, the few that hadn’t been replaced with all the bad ones. She looked at Dawncloud, her eyes shining with sorrow and she whispered, “Peace go with you Dawncloud, on whatever daring adventure you’re going on this time. If I could do it all over again, I would be you with right now, supporting your every move.” Nightblossom let out a sigh, “But since things are not like that right now, I’ll help you the only way I can.” She flicked her tail toward a small path of to her right. “The Healers den is down there. It’s some ways from the camp so you shouldn’t have any problems.”
After one last look at Dawncloud, Nightblossoms small jet black form disappeared into the chilly night.
Dawncloud shivered as the now even colder wind whipped around her, chilling her thoroughly to the bone. She braced her small slender form against the raging wind and the clinging fear that was becoming stronger and stronger. She again reminded herself of the importance of the message and started along the path as the first drops of icy rain descended upon her already shivering frame.
At the end of the small path lay a curious heap of leaves, twigs and other such things. It was an old badger set. Dawncloud knew it was uninhabited by a badger now though, for the odd scents of herbs that came from the small hole in it was a dead giveaway. It was the smell of the herbs that only medicine cats knew how to use.
The young she-cat took a tentative step into the heap, but found no courage to take another. She was shaking all over from fatigue, coldness, and paralyzing fear that had at last taken its final step.
Dawncloud almost collapsed from fright when a husky voice said, “Dawncloud, how surprising! Do come in and warm your self. You know what; you’re a very pathetic example of an Ocean Clan Shadowdancer right now.” Tinystream's words chased away some of the notorious fear that had refused to subside, and Dawncloud went in deeper, guided only by her whiskers it was so dark.
Dawncloud had never before been inside Volcano Clans medicine cats’ den, for it was completely against the oath to cross boundaries, but as she entered the small cavern it took her breath away. She was amazed with everything in the den.
She noticed it was much lighter than in the hallway, and as she looked around she saw there were bugs covering the cavernous ceiling and walls. Some were even flying though the air. The bugs let off a lot of blinking light with so many of them. It gave the den the air of a reverent place to sit in awe and quietness.
The quietness that was there was soon shattered though, when Tinystream said, “You’ll dry off quickly down here, it’s quite warm.” Then noticing Dawncloud's point of attention she chuckled, “Those are my little firefly friends that like the sweet nectar that I leave out . . . Well I do add a little this and that to it but when I leave it out, instant light.”
So far Dawncloud liked this humorous little cat and thought on the little bit she knew about her.
Tinystream was Volcano Clans medicine cat. She was a pretty little off-white she-cat. Her size though was that of apprentices, thus giving her, her name. Never the less she was a very loyal and tidy clan member, who served her clan to the best of her ability.
Tinystream was sitting in a nest of moss, ferns, feathers, and other such things, directly in the middle of the floor. She motioned for Dawncloud to come and sit before her. When Dawncloud had done this, Tinystream got up, stretched her sore limbs then started walking around, making sure everything was in place, just how it should be.
“I really aught to get me an apprentice.” mumbled Tinystream to herself, “I was thinking that Pebblekit looked promising but his mother Hollyberry is set on seeing him become a Shadowdancer.”
Tinystream turned and looked at Dawncloud then returned to sniffing and prodding different piles of herbs.
“Why are you here Dawncloud?” Tinystream sneezed as she took another sniff at a pile of dried berry’s that were letting off some sweet smelling pollen.
“Tinystream, I know I am breaking the oath by coming here, but Cocobud said you would understand once I gave you the message.” Dawncloud mewed, shaking droplets of water everywhere.
“Cocobud? Why did she send you instead of that mouse brained apprentice of hers?” Tinystream scoffed, her mood had taken an extreme turn around the corner.
“Cherryshadow is no mouse brain!” Dawncloud hissed savagely, “She only made a mistake once, and every cat makes mistakes in his or her life. She is still learning and the pressure of being a medicine cat is harsh.” Dawncloud fixed Tinystream with a look of ice, “I’m sure you can relate...
“Besides, I am more skilled and could get here easier than Cherryshadow. Cocobud trusts me, I am her sister.”
“Well?" At this Tinystream settled back down into her cozy nest opposite Dawncloud and fixed her piercing blue eyes on her.
Dawncloud sat up quickly as a bolt of lightning sounded, sending shivers of excitement coursing through her veins. A perfect start to such an odd tale as this, thought Dawncloud as she returned Tinystream's gaze and began the strange message Cocobud had given her,
“It all started two suns ago, Cocobud was acting strange and muttering to herself, she refused to eat or drink anything. She didn’t even sleep, she later told me shamefully that she had been afraid of what the ancestors would reveal to her if she slept. She went on like this for the whole day. The next day was the same if not worse. It was like she was in a horrifying trance. She was terribly distraught, and I was getting worried about her, when she suddenly left without a warning this morning. Later she told me she had gone to the Star Stone. She never explained why she had left without telling anyone, not even Cherryshadow. It hurt Cherryshadow deeply.
“When she got home tonight, she found me, then immediately sent me to you.
“She told me that on the nights before her distracted state she had received unusual and frightening messages from our ancestors. The dreams had deeply confused and scared her. Even though she was calmer, she wasn’t her usual cheery self. She told me that her visit to the Star Stone had revealed much and cleared her head. She said that you were the only other cat who practiced the ‘old ways’, and that you must know at once.
“I do not understand the ‘old ways’ . . . I was wondering if you could explain?”
Tinystream sat there for a minute thinking. While she did, a firefly landed on her back, but she quickly disposed of it with a willful shake. “I can’t tell you much for it lie's only with Healers. The ‘old ways’ as cats now call them were the medical techniques that our ancestors used. They called it the ‘golden way’. Medicine cats from generation to generation passed it on, but it got changed, messed with, so called ‘improved’. Ocean Clan and Volcano Clan have kept the golden way flowing strongly between themselves though. Medicine cats have a strange connection with the ancestors that lets them help their clan, with the golden way the connection is stronger and ‘cleaner’ than the new and ‘improved’ way. We can understand things clearer.” Tinystream paused as a lightning bolt struck nearby.
As she gazed at Dawncloud, she saw lines of worry on her face. She had sensed Dawncloud's worries as soon as she had entered and trying to comfort her, she mewed, “Don’t worry yourself over such things, Dawncloud, you are a loyal Shadowdancer, no one doubts that. You did not break your oath by coming here tonight Dawncloud, you only obeyed a request from a Healer, who are allowed to cross. You did no wrong, let yourself not have a guilty conscience.
“Well, do finish Dawncloud” Tinystream smiled, her good humor back.
Dawncloud felt better when Tinystream had confronted her worry and told her that she had not disobeyed anyone. With a sigh of relief she nestled down and continued her story to Tinystream,
“Cocobud said ‘There is no way to prepare Tinystream for what you are going to tell her.’ Then her tone turned harsh and she added, ‘You have no idea of the importance of the message. You, I’m sad to say will never have any idea of the meaning of what you are going to tell Tinystream. While preparing her for your message, you best prepare yourself for Tinystream.’”
Here Dawncloud paused and looked at Tinystream. The she-cat was lying deathly still, but what scared Dawncloud was her eyes. They were glazed over, staring at nothing. Had the she-cat gone to the Ancestors? It terrified Dawncloud at the very thought. She tried to whisper but all that came out was a squeak like that of a terrified kitten, which was what she felt like right then.
“Tinystream?” she finally managed to mew.
“Go on. I’m listening.” The she-cat mewed calmly, but not even her lips seemed to move and the glazed look stayed.
Dawncloud quickly looked away, relieved she wasn’t dead, but still concerned. She wet her rapidly drying nose and continued,
“ It wasn’t very exciting, all my sister told me was; “Tell her the moon, the silver moon, it shall rise within a fortnight, tell her we will meet at the Star Stone tomorrow to discuss the Legend, yes tell her that, Little Dawncloud, then leave, leave quickly and quietly.”
Dawncloud opened here eyes to see Tinystream on here feet, harsh tremors shook her small frame, cruelly as if the unnatural force could shake the small she-cat to pieces. The glazed look was gone and her piecing blue eyes wide as she gasped for the breath that the convulsion was making for difficult intake. A look of horror and excitement passed across her once pretty face, now scrunched into a
pleading look for the tremors to pass. She turned her gaze back toward Dawncloud. The look she gave Dawncloud sent cold chills down her back like lightning to the very core of her soul.
Tinystream wrenched her gaze away from the horrified Dawncloud then turned and stiffly limped toward a tunnel at the back of the large tunnel.

“Leave!”
Dawncloud had no need or want to be given a second invitation. Having heard and seen enough bizarre things to last a proper cat a life time, she sped down the dark passage, tripping often, but was relieved to finally inhale some fresh air as she burst forth from the badgers set.

Only when she had tasted the air outside did she realize how stale the air in the badger set actually was, and some of her admiration for the den disappeared. Wounded cats needed fresh air to recover. Oh well, all she could think about right then, though, was escaping Volcano Clans boundaries. She bunched her muscles and took a flying leap down the path, she shot through the underbrush, over the knot of ferns and ran through the late night's chilly air, only slightly slowed by her swollen belly. She ran until her feet felt like they were ablaze in the quiet night. She ran until she was within Ocean Clan’s safe and welcoming border.
She stopped her journey back to camp, only long enough to catch her breath and think everything over. She had stopped in a small grove of palm trees, the fresh clean scent left behind from the subsiding storm tickled her nose and the soft wind ruffled her coat slightly, showing the truly beautiful cat beneath all the dust and other things her coat had acquired since the start of the unusual journey to Volcano Clans territory. She started cleaning her face as she let her
mind drift through the evenings events. She was pulled from her thought when Thunderpelts and her kits moved in her belly. She purred as she sat there thinking about her kittens futures and hoping they would be bright.



✰✰✰



Dawncloud could never have guessed that one of her kittens, a headstrong young female, had some how heard her mothers message and had pleaded with the ancestors to explain. After they had told the little kitten, one ancestor had decided she would fit perfectly, why had he not thought of her before, ‘a friend of gold’.
The nosey little kit had no idea that her meddling had earned her a life of trial, her every move would be watched by the ancestors. What had she got herself into? Only the ancestors truly knew as they spoke softly in the star soaked sky, Everything was perfect, now where had their little Queenling gone, it was time to prepare her.
The time of the Legend was at hand. Soon. Soon.



✰✰✰
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

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Sun Aug 02, 2009 5:39 am
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TaylaChase says...



Hi,
This was really good! I liked a lot and was intrigued. I'm not a very good reviewer, but I'll do my best.

Her breath was ragged, her paws were sore, but she knew the message she’d been


This sentence doesn't flow very smoothly. I think it would sound better if you used an 'and' after 'ragged'.

Then she remembered the message she had to deliver. She listened quietly then gracefully leapt to the other side of a knot of ferns.


First, it's 'gracefully leaped'. Second, I think it would be better to use 'and' after 'quietly', instead of 'then', considering that you just used 'then in the last sentence. I, personally, think it sounds better as well.

ready to fight whatever creature dare interrupted her


Here you use two different 'tense's'. You say 'dare', but then 'interrupted'. You should either put 'dared to interrupt her' or 'dare interrupt her'.

clan by giving personal clan information, to her secret mate in Hurricane Clan, she had immediately


No need to use a comma after 'information'.

her eyes shining with sorrow and she whispered


This sentence is fine how it is, but I would change it to 'her eyes shining with sorrow as she whispered'. (But that's just my opinion. It's entirely up to you.)

Dawncloud went in deeper, guided only by her whiskers it was so dark.


Here I would change it to, 'Dawncloud went in deeper, guided only by her whiskers in the darkness.'

of a reverent place to sit in awe and quietness.
The quietness that was there was soon shattered


It's a bit repetitive to use quietness twice so close together. Using 'silence' in the second sentence would fix it.

stretched her sore limbs then started walking around, making sure everything was in place, just how it should be.


Again, I would use 'and' instead of 'then'.

Dawncloud, you are a loyal Shadowdancer, no one doubts that. You did not break your oath by coming here tonight Dawncloud, you only obeyed a request


Take out the second 'Dawncloud'. Using twice so close together is repetitive.

As she gazed at Dawncloud, she saw lines of worry on her face. She had sensed Dawncloud's worries as soon as she had entered and trying to comfort her, she mewed, “Don’t worry yourself over such things, Dawncloud, you are a loyal Shadowdancer, no one doubts that. You did not break your oath by coming here tonight Dawncloud, you only obeyed a request from a Healer, who are allowed to cross. You did no wrong, let yourself not have a guilty conscience.
“Well, do finish Dawncloud” Tinystream smiled, her good humor back.


Here Tinystream changes the subject too fast. She's telling Dawncloud she didn't do anything wrong and then she just tells her to finish what she was saying. It moves to fast and I don't really think it sounds right.

knew as they spoke softly in the star soaked sky, Everything was perfect,


There needs to be a period after 'sky'.

Overall I think it was really good! I enjoyed reading it and want to read more! Keep it up!

~Tayla:)
Last edited by TaylaChase on Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:51 am
wolf4 says...



Cool! A Warriors fanfic! I was wondering if they would have one of these on here.

I believe that TaylaChase got all the nitpicks, but there was just one thing that bothered me. I think the name Dawnflower was already used in the new super edition Bluestar's Prophecy.

Other than that, good job and keep writing! :)

~Wolfy (or my warrior name- Silvercloud)
Don't follow in my footsteps. I run into walls.

Sometimes, it's best not to question your friends. Just help them dump the body into the river.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have pretty good ideas.

Writing isn't an excuse for insanity. It's a reason.
  





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Fri Aug 28, 2009 3:53 pm
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DakotaK says...



Thanks for posting Silvercloud,
I hadn't even read Bluestar's Prophecy before writing this. (I've already changed like 10 names in the story.) Anyways, it was Moonflower in Bluestar's Prophecy, not Dawnflower. It's always nice to hear from a fellow Warrior's fan.

~Dakota
What is important is to know fear and yet take a step forward.
Rosette Christopher

Looking for peeps to review my novel:)

novel.php?id=1142
  





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Fri Jun 11, 2010 2:55 pm
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Stori says...



Hey, Dakota! I found a few errors here.

The night was young but cold, the last rays of the sun had disappeared only an hour ago, yet it was pitch black


This sentence is a bit unwieldy,I think. Something more like "The night was still
young, but cold as a deep cavern. It was pitch black." (Yeah, I know the simile isn't great.)

No moon shown down tonight, to guide the young she-cat through the blustering palms.


Two small mistakes here. First, 'shown' is really 'shone.' Second, that comma isn't really needed. I guess that's about all. Edit: what was there a patch of near Tinystream's den?
  








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