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Young Writers Society


Love the Vours part 2



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52 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 447
Reviews: 52
Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:01 am
emoticon220 says...



Reggie stared out at the rain. it had been two months already, two months since she defeated the first vour, two months since she had saved her brother, two months since she had slept a full night. Poor Henry, she thought, it had to be him. her brother was still recovering form drastic hypothermia and from his horrible experences in his fear scape. Her father still didnt believe that he had been trapped in his own body by a fear eating monster. Thank God for the little bookstore reggie worked at. Thank God for her best friend, Aaron. With out them she would be lost and probably still batteling Henrys demons, literally. Luckily she didnt have to deal with school any more, now that it was spring break. Still she couldent help feeling that it would never really be over, dealing with people, henrys night terrors, the vours themselves. She was contemplating her sadness when the phone rang.

"hey Reggie!" said the person on the other line. it was Jared Markos, the new kid at school, in her science class.

"hey Jared." Reggie was Stiff with her reply. she was still paranoid from the Quinn situation.

"i was wondering if you could help me with science. ya know Tutor me? im still tryin' to catch up."

Reggie didnt know how to answer, she didnt want to have to experience a vour again, but, then again Jared didnt seem like a vour.

"yeah sure when?"

"when ya got time" reggie had nothing but time.

"any time except wednesdays 2:30-8:30, working then."

"ok how bout tuesdays at 5?"

"sure see ya."

reggie hung up, she felt like slamming her head against the wall. Aaron and Henry were going to kill her. she shook her head then went to go get henry from hockey.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Adrian, Jared now smiled at himself. The girl was his now. Revenge, he thought to himself, a dish best served fearful.
O thin men of Haddam,/Why do you imagine golden birds?/Do you not see how the blackbird/Walks around the feet/Of the women about you?
-Wallace Stevens
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 15446
Reviews: 136
Wed Mar 03, 2010 11:05 pm
fiction903 says...



I thought part two was good. You definitely built up the suspense at the end. I did notice a few mistakes you need to remember to capitalize the beginning of sentences and remember that "I" is always capitalized.
it had been two months already, two months since she defeated the first vour, two months since she had saved her brother, two months since she had slept a full night.
This is a very long sentence that I would consider revising. you also forgot to capitalize. Have a great night and keep writing.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1312
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Mon Mar 22, 2010 1:32 am
Fallenangel27 says...



Hey! I read a book like this!
But I have no clue who Jared and Adrian are.
Me very confuzzled..... love thsi story though!
Keep up the good work!
~the short psychopath~
People look at you with many thoughts running through their head.
Trouble-maker. Bully. Jerk. Pants on the ground. But me, only 1 thought runs through my head.
Please love me <3
  





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201 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 4013
Reviews: 201
Mon Mar 22, 2010 1:54 am
peanut19 says...



The DeVouring. I love that book and will review this tomorrow.


~peanut~
There is a light in you, a Vision in the making with sorrow enough to extinguish the stars. I can help you.
~And The Light Fades


The people down here are our zombies, who should be dead or not exist but do.
~Away From What We Started


P.S Got YWS?
  





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52 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 447
Reviews: 52
Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:20 pm
emoticon220 says...



@: Meggs! they are charecters i made up for my story.

@: Peanut! thank youz!
O thin men of Haddam,/Why do you imagine golden birds?/Do you not see how the blackbird/Walks around the feet/Of the women about you?
-Wallace Stevens
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1312
Reviews: 2
Thu Mar 25, 2010 12:36 am
Fallenangel27 says...



Ohhh...... sorry i just fnished reading the book 5 days ago.....
teehee!!
-megan,ali,the psyhco!-
People look at you with many thoughts running through their head.
Trouble-maker. Bully. Jerk. Pants on the ground. But me, only 1 thought runs through my head.
Please love me <3
  








No one is perfect; not even your reflection.
— Chalkboard Words