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Whales (Unfinished Comedy Essay)



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Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:21 am
ninja200640 says...



When we talk about Whales we must first define what “Whale” we are referring to. In today’s society many things can be labeled as Whale, Whalish, or just plane Whaley a lot of these things stem from the lack of tolerance people have for one the environment and something that hits us Americans right at home and that’s obesity. The Whales I will touch base on in this article will go from Humpback to what the fuck is that. My intentions are to better educate you on the ever growing threat of the Whale and us and our whaling society. So come with me and embark on a marvelous journey into the majestic seas of the Arctic and into the mouths minds and stomachs of today’s people.

Let’s begin with talking about Whales as a creature and not as analogy for the morbidly obese. Whales like all mammals breath air, have hair, have warm blood and a four chambered heart. As you can clearly see a Whale is no different from any other aquatic creature , yes it has its special quality’s that keep it in our minds but does it really deserve the special treatment it gets. Many believe the Whale (Whale of any kind) to be an endangered species and we won’t see it in 10 years. This is untrue there are 300,000 on the Florida coast alone , Whales are not coming out and not showing there faces to our world and this is a problem. These Whales fall under the category of a solitary Whale , this is most commonly known as the wild card who doesn’t play by the rules of the Whale society , going off on his own and not thinking about the others , I full heartily believe this to be a crime among nature itself . All Whales alike Blue Whale to Balooga Whale need to be monitored and tagged and ill tell you why on page 3. This species seems to be ultimately friendly but they are hitting us more close to home then ever. The averages Whale kills 22 humans a year and sinks 3 oil tankers. If I am not mistaken we had an oil rig spill recently, common accident or direct strike at America?

Now that I have told you about Whales as a creature let us discuss the undeniable discrimination our society puts on the over weight while relating them to these majestic creatures. As I stated earlier there are 300,000 Whales on the coast of Florida alone, Its doesn’t take a fool that monkey see monkey do, what I mean by this is that a lot of us model ourselves after what we grew up around and I think it is in reason to mention that Florida is 39th most obese state in American alone. It’s also notable to reference the fact that Florida wasn’t discovered until 1513 and sense that time obscenity has had a steady rise from that time up. The point I am getting at is that we definitely need stricter regulations on where and when are children can see these creatures. This brings up the question, when should our children be allowed to see such majestic creatures? Well the answer is simple and that age is 21. 21 are the suitable age for anyone to, without reasonable doubt, is able to look at these creatures and make a correct and logical assumption on how they want to live their lives. This again brings up more questions such as, What about the Whales on the picture box? This again has a simple solution; we need to censor all images animations of any sort that relate of look like whales. For those of you who think this are terrible you have not yet seen the good side of this. The good side being the side where BULLYING is dramatically reduced by 42%, now the obese do not have to worry about the harsh criticism of their peers.

We human beings have to be subject to the Whales persuasive acts of glory. These acts include their massive suicide pacts they have (proving yet another reason to ban their image from the world) done from coast to coast. Recently in 1928 a large group of South African Whales beached themselves along the coast. Later to be ripped apart by the indigenous wild life leaving quite the mess for us humans to pick up. This is what i am talking about; the whales are setting bad examples for the children and the people of today’s trendy society. We can’t have our children running around thinking that suicide is going to get them anymore attention then they were getting before. The impact that these so called majestic creatures are putting onto todays society is just uncanny. Now earlier I gave you one example of their little suicide pacts , well November 29th of 2008 over 150 Whales killed themselves on the shores of Tasmania. This only proves once again that these monsters are trying to attack , but this attack is aimed right at the hearts of our children. A lot of people have made the argument saying these suicides aren’t obvious threats to the human race but obvious “signs” to the human race . People state that its clear the animals want out or are trying to escape some kind of threat, News weakly states “ Whales running from Godzilla like monster or trying to piss Tasmanians off?” , this was mearly days after the “attack” on Tasmania. This is a feeble attempt of these “activist” to try and get the Whales into the lime light, now I will let you decide activist or terrorist? Everything said in just this paragraph should tell you that all these Whales should be cencored and taken out of the lime light before its to late.

Most people are baffled on the reasons that Whaleing happens , we associate Whalers with people such as Charles Manson , scum of the earth. Almost all the time this is because of the fact that we loved them when they were prominent and now that they are scarce we are afraid. The real question is , were Whales ever actually a prominent species? As far as we can date back we can only show a increase of 200 , going from the 1840’s which was counted to have 2400 on record into the 1960’s where the count raised to 2600 .
  





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Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:13 pm
GryphonFledgling says...



Hey-oh!

I had a dream about whales last night. A sign? Also, if you look at the word "whale" long enough, it begins to look misspelled. 'Tis strange.

All righty, let's dig right in:

Why is this in "Fanfiction Novels"? It seems to me it should be in "Non-Fiction".

"Whale", "whaling" and "whalers" don't need to be capitalized. They aren't being used as proper nouns, so they can stay lowercase.

Also, the paragraphs in this sucker are huge. I think you could break them up a bit. You have such dense information in them that throwing this big brick of a paragraph at us gets really hard on the eyes, especially on the computer screen.

abeled as Whale, Whalish, or just plane Whaley

These terms, being used as examples, should probably be put in quotes to make it clear that they are examples. Also, "whaley"? I've never heard that before. How would you use it?

In today’s society many things can be labeled as Whale, Whalish, or just plane Whaley a lot of these things stem from the lack of tolerance people have for one the environment and something that hits us Americans right at home and that’s obesity.

Holy smokes, that's a long sentence. I think there's supposed to be a period between "whaley" and "a lot" to break this up, but even then the second half is a long sentence and doesn't make much sense. How is labeling something as "whalish" (and my spellcheck insists that's not a word) showing intolerance for the environment. I can see the argument a bit about obesity, but that sentence seems so incoherent, I'm not sure.

The Whales I will touch base on in this article will go from Humpback to what the fuck is that.

This sentence is equally confusing. I'm sort of getting what you mean, but it just doesn't flow very well. Also, the profanity doesn't do much for you here. You say this is to be a comedic essay. I'd try and go for humor in word play and juxtaposition like you do a bit later on, since profanity in and of itself is usually not funny. The way I would recommend you work humor is in to fake out the reader into thinking this is a strictly no nonsense essay by treating everything, even the absurd, as completely serious. The profanity throws that off immediately and just seems rather unnecessarily crude.

My intentions are to better educate you on the ever growing threat of the Whale and us and our whaling society.

Of the whale or to the whale? Or do you mean the concept of "whale"? I'm so confused by this sentence. I mean, how can the whale be threatening anyone in increasing magnitude? I mean, sure, some people get killed by whales, but it's not like a growing problem (though did I mention that in my dream, the whales were bent on world domination? >.> <.<). Explain a bit more?

special quality’s

qualities

but does it really deserve the special treatment it gets

This is a question. Needs to end in a question mark.

This is untrue there are 300,000 on the Florida coast alone , Whales are not coming out and not showing there faces to our world and this is a problem.

Aieeee! There's like three sentences in this! Also, I'd reword the last bit. "This is untrue. There are 300,000 on the Florida coast alone. The problem is that whales are not coming out and showing their faces to the world."

These Whales fall under the category of a solitary Whale , this is most commonly known as the wild card who doesn’t play by the rules of the Whale society , going off on his own and not thinking about the others , I full heartily believe this to be a crime among nature itself .

Gah, more sentence-cramming! This needs to be broken up with periods rather than commas. Also, I'm confused: how does the natural behavior of these solitary whales violate nature? I mean, isn't that how they naturally live? And don't they get into pods for migration and mating and stuff? If you're going for humor here, it's more confusing than anything. What exactly is whale society and how does this violate that behavior? It might explain a bit more.

All Whales alike Blue Whale to Balooga Whale need to be monitored and tagged and ill tell you why on page 3.

"Beluga" and "I'll". And why do you have to wait until page three to tell us why they should be tagged? Also, you do realize that Beluga whales are social, travelling in pods? And yet they are mentioned with the "solitary" Blue Whale. I'm confused as to what you are trying to say here.

I'm a bit confused as to the nature of your essay here now. Are you going for pro-whale or anti-whale? I think it'd be kinda funny to read an anti-whale essay, in contrast to all the pro-whale stuff I've read, but you're swinging around wildly here. At the beginning of the second paragraph, you call whales "majestic creatures", but by the end of the same paragraph, the tone of the essay treats them like terrorists or something. Consistency, m'dear.

The averages Whale kills 22 humans a year and sinks 3 oil tankers. If I am not mistaken we had an oil rig spill recently, common accident or direct strike at America?

Erm, where'd you get this information? If that were true, it seems like what with 300,000 whales off the coast of Florida alone, there wouldn't be any oil tankers left in the world. Also, again you're swinging pretty crazily with the pro- or anti-whale sentiments. Terrorist whales? I'm confused.

Now that I have told you about Whales as a creature let us discuss the undeniable discrimination our society puts on the over weight while relating them to these majestic creatures.

Again, calling them majestic and talking about discrimination right after accusing them of killing people purposely. Wha?

Its doesn’t take a fool that monkey see monkey do, what I mean by this is that a lot of us model ourselves after what we grew up around and I think it is in reason to mention that Florida is 39th most obese state in American alone.

And yet, the first time you mentioned the 300,000 whales, you said that they never show their faces. I can kinda see you trying to make an amusing and nonsensical link between whales and obesity, but instead, you're just contradicting yourself.

sense that time obscenity has had a steady rise from that time up

"since that time, obesity has been on a steady rise"

Actually, I find the whole rant about not being able to see whales until 21 to be kinda funny. Again, though, you are calling them "majestic" but then talking about their negative influence. Calling them "majestic" implies a favorable view. If that's not what you mean, don't use words with that connotation.

where BULLYING is dramatically

Why is "bullying" in all-caps?

Recently in 1928

I'm pretty sure there have been mass beachings since 1928. Also, why are you calling 1928 "recent"? If you are going for humor, it sort of falls flat because of the fact that beachings have happened since then.

so called majestic creatures

If the earlier instances of "majestic" were supposed to be ironic, then I would have put them in quotes or something.

This is kind of funny, treating whales negatively rather than positively as is the typical practice. The problem is the uneasiness caused by the use of words like "majestic" (which is a bit overused throughout the peace). If you mean it to be cynical, it needs to be more clear. Very clearly paint the whale as a villain early on, rather than the confusing mish-mash of early on.

~GryphonFledgling
I am reminded of the babe by you.
  





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Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:18 pm
ninja200640 says...



Despite all my spelling mistakes my goal was this. I wanted to find the one thing that was the stupidest and most uninteresting to write about it. Yes its suppose to be radical in a comedic sesne, because NONE OF THIS INFO MAKES SENSE, now sure most of the humor does fall flat. The goal was to see how well i could do freeballing my first ever comedic writeing , whilest writeing about something i have no interest in, kind of a onion story type thing.
  








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