Young Writers Society

Author's Note: Special Thanks To
Wanda Perez(Imaginemymind), for being a good friend and the reason I got inspired to start writing again. Without her there would be no “Book Of Shadows” series because she’s my best critic.

-Prologue

Unlike normal families that pass down jewelry, books, money, etc. The Halliwell passed down magic. Oh yeah a long generation of good witches, but that can change any moment. Many evil demons are after the book of shadows. Its the most important possession of a witch and it holds many content on different spells and the power of 3. The book is a guide to all witches and shall remain this way. But what if the mother of this new generation of witches made the mistake of not telling her daughters about their magic or any period? Marie made this mistake, thinking she was protecting her 3 daughters from evil. Instead she put them that much closer to danger because once a witch always a witch.

Everything , Leah, Liana, & Loretta had thought were fantasies are reality. They felt betrayed by their family for not telling them about magic. Now they only have themselves to figure everything out while kicking some serious demon ass.

Howdy Newbornwriter xD I'm going to review your work today

-Prologue

Unlike normal families that pass down jewelry,I think you mean jewellery books, money, etc. The Halliwell passed down magic. Oh yeah a long generation of good witches, but that can change any moment. Many evil demons are after the book of shadows. Its the most important possession of a witch and it holds many content on different spells and the power of 3.I'm not sure that this sentence entirely makes sense! The book is a guide to all witches and shall remain this way. But what if the mother of this new generation of witches made the mistake of not telling her daughters about their magic or any period?What do you mean by any period? Marie made this mistake, thinking she was protecting her 3 daughters from evil. Instead she put them that much closer to danger because once a witch always a witch.

Everything , Leah, Liana, & Loretta had thought were fantasies are reality. They felt betrayed by their family for not telling them about magic. Now they only have themselves to figure everything out while kicking some serious demon ass.

Overall I think this is good but you just need to sit down and make sure your sentencing makes sense, I understand it is a prologue so you don't want to give anything away, but you have to make sure that your sentences flow enough so that the reader can kind of hint at what your getting at, leaving them intirely clueless only confuses them.
Other than that it is really good, well done XD

Normally writers don't review works where the writer hasn't reviewed anyone elses work...but I'll make a exception.

First Opinion: rushed. This prologue is just a blast of facts and details, and it's actually boring to read. It's like reading a list of someone's chores that you need to do for them: boring, you want to get on with it, but you know that you need to read it. So just slow down!

In-Depth Analysis:

Overal: A pretty good start! Just add a TON more detail and slow things down, and this will be a winner!

- G

Hi there,
While prologues set the scene for the book, and help create the world and situation, it is not a place for an information dump. This prologue was kind of an information dump.

I would take your time with this- the first installment in a book is where you catch the reader's attention. You want to best demonstrate the tone for the rest of the book, your style, how reading the rest of it will be like. You don't want it to be rushed. I would get rid of the phrasing that makes it seem like things are just passing thoughts. "Oh yeah" is an example of that. You want every detail to be important to the reader. It also sounds like the sentence following "Oh yeah" was important- you don't want it overlooked.

All numbers under (at least) ten should be spelled out, rather than using the digit.

I would also pay more attention to your grammar. I saw many instances in which the sentence could be eased up with a comma. Make sure not to overuse them, but they really do help the reader find a good flow.

So, overall, I think that this sounds like a really interesting book, but I would slow down in the prologue. Try transitioning between subjects more. You don't need to give everything away or anything, but take it slow. Description is your friend. Information dumps are not good. Nice write and concept.

-Coral-

(If you have any questions or anything, just ask. I'd be happy to help.)

Hey, Here to review!

Unlike normal families that pass down jewelry, books, money, etc.There shouldn't be a period there. A comma would have worked. BUT I suggest you think of another first sentence.Something that pulls people in and that doesn't just dump info. The Halliwell passed down magic. Oh yeah a long generation of good witches, but that can change any moment I think i understand what you mean but i think you can in coorperate this better. . Many evil demons are after the book of shadows book of shadows should be capatilzed . Its the most important possession of a witch and it holds many content on different spells and the power of 3. NEVER do that. Write the number out. The book is a guide to all witches and shall remain this way. But what if the mother of this new generation of witches made the mistake of not telling her daughters about their magic or any period take out the period, its unneccessary. but i like this sentence ? Marie made this mistake, thinking she was protecting her 3 again spell it out daughters from evil. Instead she put them that much closer to danger because once a witch always a witch Not sure if I understand this.

Everything , Leah, Liana, & Loretta had thought were fantasies are reality I like this. You introduce your characters & in my opinion you did it in a nice way. . They felt betrayed by their family for not telling them about magic. Now they only have themselves to figure everything out while kicking some serious demon ass Big no no. Take out the demon ass part. You want people to take the work seriously.You can say this, but in a better way.

Spelling:
I didn't see many grammical errors, which is always a good thing

OVERALL:
This is too short. Make it longer, I know you can. I hate to say this, but I agree with some of the people before me. You kind of just dumped all the information in there. You can do a WAY better job. Try to think of a way that you can incoorporate all this information in a better manner. BUT, I still think it's good. It has alot of potentical. Plus as everyone knows when it comes to writing theres never a final draft. There's always things that can be fixed. -Imaginemymind..
Keep on writing your very good !

newbornwriter13 wrote:Author's Note: Special Thanks To
Wanda Perez(Imaginemymind), for being a good friend and the reason I got inspired to start writing again. Without her there would be no “Book Of Shadows” series because she’s my best critic.

-Prologue

Unlike normal families that pass down jewelry, books, money, etc. The Halliwell passed down magic. Oh yeah a long generation of good witches, but that can change any moment. Many evil demons are after the book of shadows. Its the most important possession of a witch and it holds many content on different spells and the power of 3. The book is a guide to all witches and shall remain this way. But what if the mother of this new generation of witches made the mistake of not telling her daughters about their magic or any period? Marie made this mistake, thinking she was protecting her 3 daughters from evil. Instead she put them that much closer to danger because once a witch always a witch.

Everything , Leah, Liana, & Loretta had thought were fantasies are reality. They felt betrayed by their family for not telling them about magic. Now they only have themselves to figure everything out while kicking some serious demon ass.

i realy love this idea so continue writing it