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Young Writers Society


Lilly evans' diary



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63 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1072
Reviews: 63
Mon Dec 13, 2010 8:19 pm
Charlii101 says...



Dear diary
A funny thing happened today, me and petunia were just sitting on the swings. so i got bored of just swinging backwards and fourth and i think Petunia knew what i was going to do because, before i did anything she shouted Lilly don't do it, so i simply jumped and kind of flown through the air and landed lightly on the ground. Should have seen petunia's face she was in shock horror. When i tuned around to look at her she was saying something about mummy not liking it at all, well i just laughed at her face. She looked to funny trying to be all strict and serious so i thought i would creep her out some more. i called her over and to a near by bush and picked up a flower. i opened my palm and forced it's petals to open and close of course Petunia shrieked and asked me how i did it when i dropped it, which was when the funny thing happened! a skinny black haired boy wearing short jeans, a shabby over large coat and a odd smock like top jumped out of know where and said he knew how i could do this 'magic' stuff he called me a witch and he said his mum was one and he was a wizard, how ever Petunia fell about laughing coldly and said she knew him he was the Snape boy who lived down spinners lane by the river. Apparently he had been spying on me and Petunia his cheeks went very red when Petunia asked him why, he turned around and called her a muggle. What is that? And how did he know me?
Love Lilly Evans
Last edited by Charlii101 on Tue Dec 14, 2010 4:16 pm, edited 1 time in total.
  





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120 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 444
Reviews: 120
Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:01 pm
Emmzziee says...



this is really sweet, yet... very mysterious too :)
It leaves a lot to the imagination and I like that.
..."Love Lilly Evans."
I don't know why but that sounds really spooky and mystical..!
It's awesome :D xxxx
I want to play a game.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1103
Reviews: 3
Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:07 pm
Rachymare says...



I like it :) Im guessing the spelling mistakes were on purpose?
It made it more, young and mystical tbh :)
I like how you play it out, and leave it on somthing that leaves the mind wondering :)
Really nice, keep writing :)
  





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57 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1682
Reviews: 57
Mon Dec 13, 2010 9:41 pm
Lunasol21 says...



*has spaz attack and falls on floor* I LOOVVVEEE HARRY POTTER ~
Okay, I'm done. haha
I really like it, but the grammar should be fixed (unless it is on purpose, which I get since this takes place when Lily and Petunia are young). Also, perhaps using more imagery would add to the diary aspect of the piece.
Major props for playing off of Harry Potter!
"Let other pens dwell on guilt and misery!" - Jane Austen
  





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152 Reviews



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Points: 2634
Reviews: 152
Fri Dec 17, 2010 8:40 pm
Mikko says...



Wow! I love this! Especially how you portray Lily and Petunia as little girls before they came into contact with the real magical world!
when she needs to shelter from reality she takes a dip in my daydreams
  





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82 Reviews



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Reviews: 82
Sat Jan 22, 2011 3:38 pm
Celticmusicgirl says...



This is an interesting piece you have here. I noticed a few grammar mistakes like the pronoun "I" not being capitalized and in the first couple of sentences I notice you accidently didn't capitalize Petunia. From what I gather some of these were probably on purpose. It is a bit hard to picture the characters though. This could use just a bit more description. What color hair do Lilly and Petunia have? What were they wearing? Stuff like that would help the readers picture the characters a bit better.
Overall, I thought it was really cute. Petunia seems almost like an overprotective parent which is kinda cute. Lily is of course an average kid just doing what kids do.
Probably my fave part was the part where the little boy called Petunia a muggle and Lilly is like what is that?
"No life is forever. We found and fought here. We loved and died here... The crops whither and the bones of hunger walk the sunken roads... The land has failed us... In dance and song we gift and mourn our children. They carry us over the ocean in dance and song.
-American Wake by Riverdance
  





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378 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1276
Reviews: 378
Thu Apr 14, 2011 3:14 am
Soulkana says...



Epicness haha good luck and i'll read more when my laptop isn't on reserve battery. Bye bye good luck and happy writing!!!!!
Soulkana<3
May the gentle moon take you into peaceful dreams. May the mighty sun brighten your new days.
  








Don't be pushed around by the fears in your mind. Be led by the dreams in your heart.
— Roy T. Bennett