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A Medicine Cat's Loyalty (A Warrior Cats Fanfiction)



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Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:38 am
NovemberNovelist says...



Prologue

A cat was silently crawling through a dark forest. Its sleek dark pelt allowed it to pass through unseen. The type of mission this cat was on was one where it absolutely could not fail. The mission was simple: murder.

Revenge was the main motive, as it is for many missions in the Clans of the warriors. As any Clan cat could tell you, revenge has its price. This cat cared not about the price of revenge and the dark times it would bring. If a cat is wounded by another does it not hurt more to fight back? This cat cared not and was determined to deliver a blow more painful that its own wound. The mission was not just murder, but one cat going to destroy something precious. This cat had been wounded so deeply that revenge was viewed as a necessity. This cat couldn’t just let it go and accept the pain.

The forest territory of LightningClan was proving to be easier than expected to navigate. The cat pounced silently onto a rock that allowed it to cross the mighty river in its path. “Fools,” it thought, “They don’t even know I’m coming.”

The cat was nearing the LightningClan camp. It knew there was an unknown gap it could enter the camp through. “At least there was one good thing about that accursed battle,” the cat thought as it crawled nearer and nearer to the gap. It entered a garden of herbs and the sharp scent of them filled the cat’s senses. The cat had already covered itself with the scent of them in its own camp, but decided to mask its own scent again. The cat brushed up against several herbs.

The cat then continued crawling through the dark garden. The moon was a sliver of light in the sky and clouds covered up most of the stars. Only a few shone through. Several tail lengths away was a small gap in the bushes that could be used to get into camp. Knowing silence was imperative, the cat slowly crept up to the hole and peered through it. The only cat out in the camp was standing guard at the other end, near the main entrance. The cat smiled at the foolishness of LightningClan. “What incompetence!”

The cat slowly made its way through the gap. Once it was completely in the camp it held it’s breathe. The cat wanted to be heard or seen by no one. It slowly stalked to the entrance of the medicine cat’s den. It heard a soft breathing coming from the guard sitting in front of the main entrance. “The guard they assigned is asleep! Ha, do they want intruders traipsing around their camp at night?”

The cat cautiously walked up to the entrance of the medicine cat’s den. A crack in the roof of the shallow cave allowed what little light there was to seep through to the den. Sitting in the middle of the den was a young, silver she-cat, intent on her task. She was sorting through herbs in what little light she had and was relying more on scent than sight to complete her task. Her intentness on the herbs was why she didn’t immediately notice the scent of another cat under the herb’s sharp smell.

As she was going through the healing medicine the she-cat suddenly felt that something was not right. She stopped sorting her herbs and her fur bristled.

The cat knew it had to attack now, before the silver she-cat in the den could fight back. It lunged for her. The cat landed on her shoulders and delivered the killing bite before she could do anything. The she-cat tried to yowl, but her yowls came out sounding mangled because of her wound. She swiped at her attacker with her right paw. The cat was hit by the blow, but they both knew the blow was too weak to do any serious damage and it was too late for the she-cat to fight back. There was nothing that she could do now. As the cat was about to leave it realized its fur was between the claws of its victim’s right paw. The cat quickly went back and removed the fur. It heard movement at the entrance of the camp before it could figure out what to do with the fur. “Curses!” the cat thought. It quickly shoved the fur in a crack in the back of the den that appeared not to have been touched in many moons.

Earlier in the evening, in front of the main entrance of the camp, a young warrior had nodded off whilst on guard duty. She had volunteered to go on the dawn patrol, forgetting it was her turn to guard the camp that night. She had then agreed to going on a hunting patrol around sun high and had given her apprentice battle training after patrolling. After sunset, as she was about to crawl into her nest for some well-earned sleep, the clan deputy reminded her that it was her turn to guard camp. Pride had prevented her from asking to switch nights, so she sat at the front of camp and promptly fell asleep.

Later that night the warrior found her dreams interrupted by a mangled yowling. It took her several seconds to realize a cat in the medicine den was in some sort of serious pain. No patients were residing in the den currently, so some cat must have been injured that night. She bolted towards the den, intent on investigating, only to see a dark shape running through a gap in the back of camp and smell sharp herbs with a faint tang of NightClan scent around her. Instinct told her to charge after the intruder, but something in her heart told her check the medicine cat’s den.

The young warrior peered into the den. The faint glow of moonlight revealed a silver cat lying motionlessly on the ground. This cat had been the target of a murder. The warrior felt as if the death blow had been given to her instead of the lifeless cat in front of her. She let out a wail of anguish, mourning the death of her medicine cat and even more the death of her sister.

Most of the camp was alerted by this cry and some warriors also got up to investigate. The warriors climbing out of their dens saw a young she-cat running out of camp, appearing to give chase to something.

As all of this was taking place, the cat with the dark pelt was running through the forest. “NightClan fox-dung! LightningClan will not forget this!” was the cry the cat heard being shouted from behind, as a young warrior chased it.
The cat charged ahead onto its own territory, pleased that it’s had gotten its revenge. “Let’s see how well LightningClan fairs without a medicine cat. Their warriors will die and every cat left will experience my grief!”



During the same night, in the medicine cat’s den within the NightClan camp, a small medicine cat with white and gray fur was having a dream of darkness. This was not ordinary darkness, like one would find in a dreamless sleep, but a choking darkness that threatened to drown all in its path. The medicine cat woke up breathing heavily. He stepped outside to look at the stars for a sign of reassurance, or at least gain some comfort from the ancestors he knew to be up there. When he looked up he realized he couldn’t see any stars, except for one which became covered up by clouds as soon as he noticed it. All he could see was the faint light of the moon. He stared at them moon and realized a breeze was blowing a cloud that would eventually cover it. The breeze didn’t seem gentle, but it was not a strong wind. It blew past him. He turned around to see where the breeze was going. He realized that the breeze had blown into the medicine cats den and scattered his herbs everywhere. As he turned back he saw the moon was gone. The medicine cat looked at the darkness in fear, when a wind stronger than anything he had ever experienced in his life blew through the camp and the sky. After watching breathlessly for some time the wind had subsided and the clouds had all been blown away. The medicine cat nervously walked back to his den to clean up the herbs. He realized what he had seen was an omen. As he thought about the meaning, he cowered in fear at the dark events that he knew were to come.
  





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Wed Jan 26, 2011 8:04 pm
Jetpack says...



I'm not a huge Warriors fan, since I lack the perseverence to get through a series with endless instalments, but as you haven't had any reviews yet, I guess I'll give this a shot.

You've started with a prologue, just as they do in the books, and I think the style's pretty similar too - short, and anonymous. I like the way you've managed to integrate three perspectives at once, which is quite hard to do. I assume that's not going to be a permanent feature; I think it would be really difficult to maintain, though it works quite well here.

He stared at them moon and realized a breeze was blowing a cloud that would eventually cover it.


Just a typo I spotted there! These are easy to miss even without proof-reading, but if you read aloud, they're much easier to pick up on.

Actually, that leads on nicely to the main point of this review. Sometimes, your sentences get a little repetitive. It's particularly apparent during the fight scene, where you tend to tell us what's happening without building up an effective picture. You'll probably hear it a lot on this site, but show, don't tell! It's difficult to explain that completely, but I'll link you to a few articles which might help: click here.

You'll notice there are a lot of short sentences; this tends to detach the reader from the story and interrupts the flow of the piece. If you read your story aloud, you'll pick up on it more easily. It's a lot harder to see flow issues while you're writing, I find. Anyway, I'm not much for writing fight scenes, but as a reader, I didn't engage with this, even though you've got a lot of good build-up in the first few paragraphs. Have a look at this article on effective action scenes. It may not apply completely, but hopefully there should be a few points which overlap.

Other than that, I've very little to say. I'd consider looking at the unnamed cat's thoughts again (the one that comes back to me now is "Curses!", which sounds so James Bond), and possibly reconsider renaming the Clans, as they draw fairly apparent parallels as far as I can tell. As I said before, you set the story up just as the writers of Warriors do in most of the books. Hope my review helps you to polish it, because you have a potentially very good introduction on your hands.

- Jet.
  





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Wed Jul 20, 2011 11:02 pm
GeneralKaseyDaBomd says...



Very descriptive writing! A great Warriors fan fiction, but the Clans seem to resemble the four Warriors Clan in name to closely. LightningClan=ThunderClan and NightClan=ShadowClan. This isn't a big issue, but would make your fan fiction more unique and have a little more creativity within the writing. The plot is very good either way. Great job with the piece!
  








The very worst use of time is to do very well what need not be done at all.
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