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Young Writers Society


The Life, Love, and Adventure of Veronica Riddle



Do you want more?

Poll ended at Sun Feb 20, 2011 8:29 am

Yes, more of this story!
2
40%
Sure.
2
40%
Maybe.
1
20%
Not really.
0
No votes
Not at all.
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 5


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Fri Jan 21, 2011 8:29 am
AsanteVilicia says...



1
The Girl


The smell of the steam pumping out of the scarlet train filled the noses of everyone on platform 9 and ¾. There were parents saying their farewells to their children before they went onto the train; old friends chatting each other up about their summer break; children dashing about. The hoots of owls, the few croaks of toads, and purrs of cats were amongst the talk of all the people.
There was a young man of fourteen and another of fifteen, standing tall talking to their parents. “James,” said a woman nearing forty. She was looking at the older and taller one, with the hazel-brown eyes. “James, if you keep acting up I will take you from the school myself.” The boy sighed and rolled his eyes offhandedly, and looked at his mother with a smirk plastered on his face. “Fine, I won’t do anything to get into trouble,” he said, the smirk never wavering, not even a little bit. For only if his mother knew that he had fingers sneakily crossed behind his back. “I’m gonna go and talk to Chris. See ya.” James walked away to teenager around his age farther down the platform. “Albus,” the woman was speaking to the other boy now. “Watch out for your sister, okay?”
“Ginny, Lily’s old enough to look after herself,” said the man with glasses. He glanced over at girl with flaming red hair chatting away with some second year girls.
“It doesn’t matter, he’s her older brother. He should be protective of her.” Albus rolled his eyes and shook his head in annoyance. His mother was about to talk to him again, when he was saved by the voice of his uncle, Ron. “Harry.” Harry and Ron hugged for a very short moment, and then Hermione, Ron’s wife, hugged him. “Hey, Albus!” exclaimed his cousin, Rose Weasley.
“Hey, Rose,” Albus said to his cousin. “How was your summer break?” He seemed really bored and uninterested, and just wanted to make some conversation. Rose noticed his demeanour, but just answered him anyways.
“It was good,” she told him. “We went skiing in the Alps. What about you?” Albus did not reply for a moment for so, looking around the platform. “I didn’t do anything, since my parents told me I was grounded for what I did last term.” He sent a look of annoyance at his father. Hearing the talk about how his family went to Grimmauld Place, leaving him behind with his cousin Victoire, and her fiancé Teddy Lupin. “I’m gonna go talk to Spencer,” Albus said, leaving his parents with his aunt and uncle, and Rose. He dragged his trunk with him and went onto the train. “Well, wait for me!” Rose called to him, and she went after him and got on the train.
Lily Potter was laughing at a joke made by her friend, Denise Rogers, when she saw something odd. “Hey, who’s that?” She pointed at a girl strolling down the platform. She was, most definitely, not someone from the year before; Lily would have known if she was. “Denise, do you know she is?” She looked back at her friend, hoping she would know who she was. “Do you?” Denise shook her head and shrugged. Lily looked back at the girl. She would have remembered that shiny, black hair, those serene, taupe eyes. Lily gawked at her for another couple of minutes until she went onto the train, with her black cat in tow. I wonder who she is… Lily thought to herself.
A shrill sound went through the air. “Lily, time to get on the train,” said her mother as she came toward her.

‡‡‡


It was an hour into the train ride, the white-grey steam continued to pour out of the train. The compartments were filled with the long-lost laughter and talk with their friends. The trolley had come round, and students had bought their treats. Chocolate frogs, pumpkin pasties, sweets and treats of kinds were on the trolley, and in the mouths of the students.
Scorpius was talking to his friends, Joshua Goyle and Seth Smyth, in his compartment. “Ugh, another year with those Potters,” he said them. “I can’t stand them, acting all high-and-mighty.”
“Yeah, the Mudbloods,” said Seth, “They’re just stupid. I’d wish I could just turn them into toad.”
“A toad?” asked Joshua. Joshua looked at Seth, who was sitting on Scorpius’s left side. “A toad is that all you got? I could turn them into dog.” Their competitiveness had been going on ever since they had met each other on the train first year. Their friendship was a strong one, but it could easily turn on them. “Well, it wouldn’t matter what you guys could do,” said a voice of a girl. The girl came sauntering into the compartment, and sat right down next to Scorpius. Her green and silver headband fixed right at the root of her bangs of her blonde hair. “Hey, Pandora,” Seth said to her, slightly leaning over Scorpius to see her.
“Hi!” she said quickly. “So, Scorpius,” she swiftly went off to start a conversation with him. “What was going on before I got here?” She was so interested in hearing Scorpius, than the others that when Seth tried to tell her, she gave him a shhh! to quiet him. “We were just talking about how the Potters are just Mudbloods, and what they would turn them into,” Scorpius finally told her. “Now, go back to your friends before they miss you.” Pandora got up and left the compartment, with a little glee. “Bye!” The door slid closed with a clatter.

‡‡‡


The sky was dark with clouds. Lightning cracked the sound of the incessant clapping of the Hufflepuff table. The deputy headmistress, Professor Leitich, picked up the four-legged stool and clutched the tattered Sorting Hat in her hands.
“That is the —” Professor Leitich started, but was cut off. The large oak doors creaked open. A figure of a girl was standing in the doorway. She had long, shiny black hair ending halfway down her arms. She was dressed in black fishnet stockings, black dress, and dark trench coat; this was very odd compared to all the students sitting along the sides of the four long tables, whom of which were clad in black robes. Her shoes clacked against the floor as she walked down the middle of the Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw tables.
Everything was silent; no one talked, not even to whisper; the lightning even quieted, as though wondering what was going to happen. Professor McGonagall, who has been the Headmistress of Hogwarts for the past twenty-two years, slowly stood up. Her eyes fixated on the girl walking toward the High Table.
Professor Leitich moved out the way of the mysterious girl, letting her walked straight up to the table. “Hello,” the girl said with an accent that was, recognisably, from a Londoner. “I have rethought my decision of coming here.” Professor McGonagall gazed as her with a look of, what seemed to be, perplexity.
“And,” she continued, unaware of the looks she was getting, “I’d like to attend this school now.” The professor gawked at her, mouth ajar. “You’d like to attend now?” The sheer idea of it was ridiculous. You could not just rethink a decision of going to Hogwarts. You either came at the start of term, or did not at all. "You can't attend...not now." Professor McGonagall's voice had roughened over her reign of Headmistress. "I don't think you can."
“But,” the girl said, “You sent me this letter.” She had up a rather old looking envelope, green seal broken.
“Yes, but that was —”
“Three years ago. Yes, I know,” the girl stated. “But, as I said, I’ve changed my mind. I would like to attend now.” She looked down to put the envelope back into her coat pocket. Hushed conversations were held between students.
“Who’s that girl?” Albus Potter asked his fellow fourth year, Rose Weasley. “What does she want?” Albus was not the only one who wondered that question. The hushed discussions grew steadily louder as more and more students began to talk about their mysterious predicament. “We shall continue this in my office,” Professor McGonagall told the girl, who was staring up at her.
"Sorry, Professor," the girl said, progressing the conversation longer. "I would like to finish this now, if you don't mind." Professor McGonagall's eyes stared at the girl with a mixture of irritation and coolness. "Fine," she sighed.
"I," the headmistress said. The banter between the students stopped almost immediately. All of the other teachers and staff members looked at the Headmistress in bewilderment. What is the old bat thinking? thought the Potions master. "I think we have one more student to place." Looks of absolute shock went across everyone's faces. "Professor Leitich," Professor McGonagall said. The deputy headmistress came out of her state of shock to stumbled forward and set down the stool. The girl smirked up at the professor, and went to go sit on the stool, in font of every Hogwarts student, staff member, and House ghost. Professor Leitich set the Sorting Hat on top of the girl’s head.
“Ahhh,” it moaned in a raspy voice, “Another to sort out, eh?
“Hmmm...”
Everyone was staring intently at the girl, watching her every breath and move.
Minutes passed and only imminent silence filled it. “Hmm,” the Sorting Hat hummed again. “You have some dark family history, no doubt. Dark—sinister family history.”
“Are you meaning my grandfather?” the girl asked. Her mouth moved without words, for what it seemed, to everyone sitting at the House tables. Which House would she be in? thought James Potter. Which one, indeed, was the question on everyone’s mind.
Hufflepuff?
Ravenclaw?
Slytherin?
Gryffindor?
“Who is your grandfather?” the Sorting Hat asked, with its raspy voice.
“Uh, Tom Riddle… I think you might know him…although… he didn’t go by his name. I think you might know him as… hmmm…” The girl bit her lower lip as she pondered something. She was thinking of the name of her grandfather. The name everybody in the wizarding world knew. The name people still, like in the time of his reign, dare not speak. After twenty-two years of freedom, the name everyone feared and—
“Ah! Yes, it’s Lord Voldemort!”
Her last two words were heard by everyone, even though they couldn’t hear whatever else she said. An explosion of gasping, talk, and—
“SILENCE!” Professor McGonagall shrieked.
Stillness fell immediately. “Well, it seems as though you’re destined to join Slytherin,” the Hat groaned, as though the Dark Lord’s name wasn’t even spoken, “And I would be most obliged to do it, but… but there’s something about you…something different…”
The Great Hall was quiet. The conversation was the only thing in the Great Hall that wasn’t disturbed by the eerie silence. The students’ ears, perked and alert, were strained to hear the conversation the Sorting Hat and the girl were having. They were all silently wishing under their breaths and in their minds that this mysterious, and what some thought, evil, girl wouldn’t join their House.
Not our House! Not Gryffindor! Albus Potter frantically thought . His gaze never broke away from the girl sitting on the four-legged stool. Then his mantra was broken by what the Sorting Hat yelled out next.
“GRYFFINDOR!”
  





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Sat Jan 22, 2011 7:50 am
Eniarrol says...



Okay, I really liked this story and the plot of it all. I would really like to hear more from this novel.
Now nerdy nit-picks, first Voldermort didn't have any children that I am aware of but as it is it is Fan-Fiction so creative licence I guess.
Also it can be a bit confusing at the start unless you have read/watched Harry Potter.
This is very good would love to hear more from this. :D
A hero isn’t defined by winning. Loads of heroes die in the effort. Most of them never get any recognition. No, a hero is just somebody who does the right thing when it would be far, far easier to do nothing.


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Mon Jan 24, 2011 1:14 am
pointe2mikko says...



nice! if you continue this, let me know!
All your scars won't heal till you let go
You're perfectly worth it, forget your mistakes.
If you wanna fly, leave this world with me
We'll touch the sky, let's defy this gravity.


SparkOfDoubt and Mikko's joint account!
  





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Thu Jan 27, 2011 11:51 am
AsanteVilicia says...



pointe2mikko wrote:nice! if you continue this, let me know!


I will be continuing it.
고맙습니다!

〜AsanteVilicia
  





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Sun Jan 30, 2011 9:18 pm
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Kiwisatsuma says...



Hi! :)

I really like the way premise of this, and bringing in a descendant of Voldemort to be a student of Hogwarts is a great idea for Harry Potter fanfic. And I love how you're setting it up with Scorpio and his friends as the rival type kids. Still, I do think there are a few things you could change.

To me it felt like the first scene with everyone at the station was a bit unnecessary. It seemed like you were trying to fit in all the next-gen characters into one short scene. We recognize all of them, so to be honest I think readers would assume that whole gang was going to be included, so long as you mentioned a couple of them.This is just my personal opinion of course, but I think it might be better if you introduced the characters more gradually, instead of cramming them all in a few short paragraphs.

I do think Veronica has the potential to be a really awesome character, but still, you should take care that she doesn't turn into a Mary Sue. Having unusual coloured eyes and hair, being really pretty, dressing differently from everyone else in the school, being put in Griffindor even - these are all things that could add up to her becoming one of those characters who's perfect and everyone wants to get to know, who's more unique and brilliant than anyone else at Hogwarts. The thing is, it's much more interesting to read about someone who you can see as a real person, who has flaws and who you can empathise with.

Like I say, I think Veronica seems like a character who has the potential to be pretty awesome, but all the same I think you should take care in future chapters to avoid making her into someone who's unrealistically perfect.

I hope you post more of this, because I'd definitely like to read on. :D PM me if you have any questions or anything! :)
  





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Mon Jul 11, 2011 4:19 pm
LadySpark says...



Hi! Here to review!!!!

9 and ¾.

Should be nine and three-quarters

I wonder who she is… Lily thought to herself

It should be in italics

“Hey, Pandora,” Seth said to her, slightly leaning over Scorpius to see her.

“Hi!” she said quickly. “So, Scorpius,” she swiftly went off to start a conversation with him. “What was going on before I got here?”


I notice you are kind of creating a pattern of the original HP. Pandora/Pansy in love with Scorpius/Draco? Really?
They should have made their OWN friendship patterns.


Minutes passed and only imminent silence filled it. “Hmm,” the Sorting Hat hummed again. “You have some dark family history, no doubt. Dark—sinister family history.”




technically, the sorting hat isn't talking to everyone. Only her.

Like I said, I think its a tad to... predictable. I knew what was going to happen before it did. You don't want the reader to feel that way. So, try to throw some curveballs. PLEASE. I'm just a tad bored. Good start though.


~Drama
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Mon Sep 05, 2011 12:13 am
Rocklobster says...



WONDERFUL. This isn't like all the other HP fanfiction, because you've created a completely new character, and I think that's fantastic. Please please please write more! I was on the edge of my seat by the end, it was such a cliffhanger! If there was anything wrong with it, I didn't notice because it was such a fabulous idea and continuation of the Harry Potter series.
when i was five, i was asked what i wanted to be when i grew up.
i said happy.
they said i didn't understand the question.
i said they didn't understand life. --john lennon <3
  








while she was studying the ways of pasta he was studying the ways of the sword
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