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Young Writers Society


Through Nightmare - Part 2



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Tue Jun 07, 2011 4:15 pm
irsyad23 says...



Six
“Greg, check this out!” I said while lifting the book closer to his face. The information in the book I just saw shocked both of us. The book explained every family in the Cheyenne tribe.
“The Moonstar family exists and this proved that I am not only dreaming, she was there for real,” I explained. Greg look puzzled. “Take a look of their home address!” he commanded. I quickly took a view of the small words that printed below the larger word of Moonstar.
“786, Maggie Blue Road, let’s go there” I shouted in excitement. The things that unthinkable and hidden after all of this finally revealed. We have the knowledge of her home and we walked there as the rain was stopped. The village was not so huge that enable us to explore the land easier.
As we arrived there, I saw an old man, sitting on a wooden chair, with pipe on his mouth, silently observing the scenery view, alone at the verandah.
“Excuse us for a moment, sir. We were looking for the Moonstar family,” I politely asked the man.
He didn’t answer for a while, which leave a long silence. Then he sounded, “This is the Moonstar family,”
His eyes were rude and he was like very static. He was wearing a cowboy hat while his face was giving us information that he is an indigenous people. “We were looking for Danielle Moonstar. Is she home right now?” I questioned.
He frowned. “She has leaved the house,” he said. I am so glad that Danielle really exist and that would gave us strong sense of spirit to find her. I saw Greg smile a bit and I know he was thinking like ‘his brother was not crazy’.
“She was scared to the villagers that keep hurting her for her freakiness,” he continued. I am positive that everything she said to me in my dream was true. “I don’t know where she go since I was sleeping at that time,”
“This cannot help us, Greg,” I hissed to him. “At least we know she was alive,” he said. I think about it for a moment. “No we didn’t. Maybe she already dead,” I suggested to him.
“Sir, when was it?” Greg asked the old man. After a long silence he turned out with a mesmerizing answer. “Two years ago,”
Two years ago? How could she possibly… she may have dead. I am starting to lose my hope as the rain suddenly getting heavier.
“She leaves a note to us before she flee,” he said. He moved slowly into the house and brought back a piece of old paper. He gave the paper to me.
Dear mom and dad,
I know you could not read English, so I wanted to made myself clear and I know ever since I were was living with you, I already made so many problems that burdened both of you. I ask thousand of forgiveness. Deep in my heart, I love Both of you so much.
I didn’t Ask to be born this way and I’m tired to see you both suffer of my uncontrollable power. I wanted to live a normal life but I could never. I really don’t have anotheR choice but to leave this village.
Seylen waS mad at me and wanTed me to leave, so I do what I must. I will gO to a hidden place and seeking my luck there and I will stay as long as I can there. I am going to a hidden cave and I’ll rest there and try to control my poWer.
I promise that I will diminishes this ability from my head and I promise to get back there and live like a normal person again. I love you.
With deepest love,
Danielle

The letter touched my heart. She said she was in a cave. So why does she needs my help? Greg was thinking hardly as he saw that letter.
“We could never found out where she is, Greg,” I said. “No, wait… think of it, why would she wrote this letter if she want no one to find her?” he questioned me.
“I don’t know. Maybe she afraid of trapped and she could really count on this letter for someone to find her,” I gave my opinion.
“Look at this unarranged capital letter. It’s everywhere. If we take it and arranged it nicely…,” Greg said as he put the letter together.
“Barstow!” we both gasped. She was somewhere in Barstow. So we thanked the old man and drove to Barstow again with hope. You know what? The first thing that came to my mind was the place that I fell after I accident, in the deep cliff at the recreational place.
So we went there quickly as the rain was getting vigorous, the slippery road made our car drifted a little whenever passing through a corner.
“We must check out my accident area first, I have strong feelings that she’s somewhere there,” I confessed.
Greg understood as he signaled. He raced to the place with cautious. It was already 5 o’clock and it was very late, we should be going home by that time, usually. The recreational park was closed, for safety; they didn’t let anyone racing in the time of heavy rain. So we begged for permission to get in there.
We tip the receptionist and gone through the lobby, directly to the racing place, along with torchlight we brought from home, we raced there.
“Hurry Greg, you know we didn’t have much time. It’s getting pretty late and I wanted to find her fast,” I clarified as I started to jog. Greg followed me behind with the same pace as me. “Are you sure we doesn’t waste our time being here, because you don’t know for sure where is her,” Greg complained. “As far as my instinct said, I know she is somewhere around here,” I made myself confident.
We jogged until we reached where the route of racing split into two. We were already so wet that the coldness runs deep into my skin, made me tingle. I felt myself getting heavier. It was something to do about my shirt getting wet, perhaps. My shoe was flooded with water that I no longer comfortable on it.
“Stop right here!” I heard Greg commanded, so I stop. “Are you sure, this is the place where I had accident?” I asked him in return. He nodded. The broken fence along the road tells us that it was broken because of solid collision with bike.
I stopped right there at the near the edge of the cliff, observing how deep the cliff was. I told you, the cliff was really deep that I couldn’t see the bottom. I
“How do we get in there? Without getting injured?” Greg threw me a question that puzzled me for a while.
Wait, I remember in my dream that Danielle brought me up through somewhere that I remember where it was. I searched for the safe route where I could go down the bottom of the cliff safely and later, I found it. It was great relive to know that it was real.
The bottom was already flooded with rain water that kept falling since morning. It was getting very dark. The cloud was blocking the sunset light from being seen, so it left completely dark, with storm and wind.
The torch that was switched on was very helping as it made the area bright a bit.
“Come on Kurt, there is no way she could be possibly here!” Greg confessed. I ignored what he said.
“She said it was hurry up and there is no time left!” I exclaimed.
“Neither her nor us got time left, Kurt. Look, the water is rising to our knee. We could get drown if we stay here for long,” Greg shouted at me, since it was no use to speak soft because our voice were drown by the noisiness of the storm.
I got some clue from what he had said. That’s it, she was here and I remember that the messages I got from her were mostly about flood.
“Something gives me idea that she is somewhere under is, Greg!” I replied, as I pointed to a small whirlpool next to us. There was a hole on the ground and I just realized that the area was not flooded easily because the water was taken to the—I don’t know, underground cave?
“You want to dig to the whirlpool?” Greg asked me.
“No dude. Are you crazy? That’s only possible for 100 tons digging machine that made from stainless steel! If we do it by hand, it’ll take more than a lifetime!” I said.
Danielle wrote that she was in a cave but, how come there is no entrance to a cave? That question lingered on my mind. So I ask for opinion from Greg, and he got answer.
“We need to find the entrance, Kurt,” Greg sounded. So we search for it by digging everywhere, any luck that the bigger whirlpool will happen and as that happen, we know that it was the only entrance.
The rain was getting heavier and heavier, I never see any rain like that before, I swear. But at last we found the entrance and what shock us most, it was hidden behind a rock after a landslide at the area. Which I think made Danielle trapped inside and she could find way out.
“I’ll go!” I said to him. He look worried, “No, Kurt! You can’t be inside there alone inside the death-trap dungeon! We must seek for help!” he opinioned.
“No, Greg. There is no time left! You get help! I’ll go now!” I shouted and leaving him behind. I cautiously step inside with torchlight on my hand. The water from the bottom of the cliff was getting inside the underground cave through the same way that I pass.
“Danielle! Danielle! Can you hear me?” I shouted, any luck that she could hear me. It was so dark that it made my way harder. The volume of water inside there was fast increase that it already reaches my chest. I hope I meet her fast, if she even there.
As I walk deeper in the cave, the water level got higher. I was no longer walking and I could say that I am swimming.
“Danielle! Danielle!” I shouted again, my voice echoed and it made the word I said blurred. I evaded all the rock in the cave to prevent myself from getting hurt. Then I heard sound that frights me most, the entrance of the cave was blocked again by the lump from landslide! I got nowhere to go now. I’m trapped inside.


******************************************************************************



















Seven
There was no turning back. I’m completely trapped inside. In my head, I only think about death, death and death. Wait… not only dead, but Danielle. I got to find her in here, if she was. If I couldn’t find her here, I’m wasting my life. But I know, that was the only place.
Suddenly, I saw something glow in the dark. It is human shaped! Oh no! It could be Danielle. I swam hardly towards it while I keep pointing the light from the torch to it and it was really her. I saw her face, I am so relieved. I swam closer to her. She was like, already dead, her pale face and blue mouth. She was freezing.
But I wonder where the glow came from? Was it from her body? I touched her cold face and suddenly, the glow disappeared, and gradually, her face was become alive. She opened her eyes, weakly. I put the torch at one edge of rock, so I could lift her up comfortably.
“Kurt…? Is that you…” she said weakly. I am so glad that she was never any of my fake hallucination.
“I’m here Danielle… I’m here” I try to comfort her.
“I thought you’re only a dream,” she murmured to me. “So do I, Danielle,” I replied. You don’t know how happy I am to meet her once again—I mean for the first time, in reality.
“Melissa… is she real too?” she asked me. “Yes, she just…” I unwillingly to continue my words, trying to made her emotion stable.
“How are we going to get out of here?” she asked me question that leave me to horror. We will both dead? I hope Greg get help fast.
Suddenly, the cave trembled; I knew he already got help. That was fast. It was less than 5 minutes, he already got help. Nice job, Greg!
“They’re trying to break this cave! Hold on tightly to this rock!” I demanded as the second hit made. The cave was breaking down and it was a big ‘phew’ to see their torchlight already reaches us.
“Are you guys okay? Hold on!” One unknown person’s voice heard above. The water was getting so high that I could easily brought Danielle to the water surface, but not high enough to reach them. They drop a rope and I tied it on Danielle and they pull it. Later, they pull me up.
I saw the bulldozer. It was amazing, how quick they brought that thing down here. I saw many firefighters were there, trying to help us. I’m so happy to save one’s life. Danielle was later taken to the hospital. My parents and siblings were there too. How come they ended here so fast? I hugged each of them. I am surprise by the presence of Melissa there. She came too.
“You know Kurt; you should really thank this woman. She had saved your life!” Greg said.
“What? Melissa? Why?” I asked with smile.
“She called for help in the first place. I didn’t call for anyone, she did.” Greg said.
“When you told me you’ll go to Barstow, I knew something bad could’ve happened. After I relaxed myself, I realized that I need to do something to help you and I know you’ll check in the cliff first. You know, in this weather, anything could’ve happen and I asked Dr. Simon for your address. It take me long to find your parents and I told them they should really call for lifesavers,” she explained.
My mother was smiling and I could see that she was too happy.
“Thanks Melissa. I know you’ll help me, by anyhow,” I said in smile. By the way, I am freezing and the storm had finished. I was taken to the hospital to check my condition.

-THE END-


Wait… you know this story doesn’t end yet. You don’t even know Danielle’s story and I know you want to know, right?
So when I asked Danielle how does it happen… She said…




Her Story Goes Like This
She was born in Colorado, with the freak ability that you already know. But you don’t know how many ability she got…

So when she reaches the age of 12, she started to be hate because she can’t control her power and she harms children when she plays with them. She felt lost and unwanted. But she knows her parent won’t give me up. She is a talented girl. She could live by herself and she got many things good that any child don’t have. That’s what her mom told me. But she didn’t believe it because she is a freak.
In the age of 16, she realized that her obvious ability is to project nightmare into one’s head. It was really useful when she is in danger that she could use it to protect herself. But it could be really dangerous if it commits to public. So one day, she met Fringe. He was an old man that was like me, a power user. He said he wanted to teach me to control her power, so she meets him at the wood in a planned time. She was happy to learn with him. But one night, something terrible happened.
It was June when her father was coming back from work, late night. He had leaved the village for one month for unknown cases. He knocked the door of her house. It was already 1 o’clock and her mother asked me to get the door.
She doesn’t afraid of burglar, but she am afraid of murderer. So she cautiously opened the door without knowing that it was her father. She accidently triggered her power to her father, and that makes them hate me.
She tried to be patient but her mother later then treated she like a slave. She did give her food and be her guardian. But she could feel that their love for me was faded. They were afraid of her and asked her to leave the house.
She was treated like rubbish and she could no longer be patient. Instead of killing herself, she ran away from home. That’s when she leaved the note with secret and ran to the woods by herself, until she met Fringe.
“Where are you going Danielle?” he asked her. He was meditating.
“I am leaving this place, Fringe! I am no longer happy to be here,” she explained and burst to tear.
“You have never been happy before, Danielle. You’re going to the place I told you? Barstow?” he asked her, referring to a place that he told me few days ago.
“Yes, Fringe… that place will be safe,” she said.
“How can you survive there?” he asked her question that she herself don’t know the answer.
“I’ll stay there for a while, and then I’ll go to live in the city, after I can control her power,” she explained.
“Come on, I’ll teleport you there,” he said and poof, they’re arrived. There’s no way the villagers would find me.
The next morning, the rain fall and it was stormy. She doesn’t know it would be dangerous there and she hid there for longer period. Then the landslide happened, blocking her way out. She couldn’t do anything in the cave; her only friend was her torchlight.
She was trapped there but it didn’t take her longer to activate her second ability, the power of hibernation. She was so weak that her stomach empty and she couldn’t go anywhere. I laid on a high rock and sleep, for as long as I could remember.
The hibernation made her body glow and every system of her body stopped. She was dead, and only human touch could make her awake.
She got the vision of her dead that she saw in her dream was she is going to die drowning. It really scared me but I don’t know when.
She didn’t expect it would be 2 years; in the meantime, the racing park was built, without knowing that she was buried alive underground. That’s her story.














Epilogue

8 Years Later

“Breakfast ready, honey,” Danielle’s voice was heard from the kitchen. Kurt, her husband was still inside the bathroom. It has been 3 days that they moved into the new house that was already furnished at Boston. Kurt had graduated in engineering major, while Danielle turns out to be a businesswoman.
She was no longer dangerous as she had learned to control her ability. They were newly married. Suddenly, the bell of their house rang.
“I got it,” Kurt volunteered. The door was near to the bathroom downstairs. As he opened the door, she was surprised to see a woman.
“Melissa, welcome,” Kurt greeted her in joy.
“Thank god, I’m afraid I ended up in wrong house,” she said and later giggled. Danielle went to the front door to see her. She smiled.
“Melissa, hey come in. I just prepared a breakfast. Come on, join us,” Danielle invited.
“Thanks but, I’m in hurry. I just drop by to send this,” she said while she gave an envelope to Kurt. Kurt opened it up and it was an invitation card, to Melissa’s wedding party.
“Congratulation, my future sister-in-law,” Kurt said. Then they all burst to laugh.

END
If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk then crawl. No matter how hard it is, just keep moving forward.
  





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355 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2099
Reviews: 355
Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:13 pm
LadySpark says...



Hey there! Here to review.

The information in the book I just saw shocked both of us.

Already, second sentance, I can tell your going to be telling, not showing.

The Moonstar family exists and this proved that I am not only dreaming, she was there for real,” I explained. Greg look puzzled. “Take a look of their home address!” he commanded. I quickly took a view of the small words that printed below the larger word of Moonstar.

Okay, lets talk spacing. ^ that is what you don't want.
The Moonstar family exists and this proved that I am not only dreaming, she was there for real,” I explained. > You need to hit the enter button in a spot like this where another person is thinking/speakingGreg look puzzled. “Take a look of their home address!” he commanded. I quickly took a view of the small words that printed below the larger word of Moonstar.


“786, Maggie Blue Road, let’s go therecomma” I shouted in excitement


The things that unthinkable and hidden after all of this finally revealed. We have the knowledge of her home and we walked there as the rain

what?

As we arrived there, I saw an old man, sitting on a wooden chair, with pipe on his mouth, silently observing the scenery view, alone at the verandah.

We need details! How did they get there? What was it like on the trip? How long did it take?

His eyes were rude and he was like very static. He was wearing a cowboy hat while his face was giving us information that he is an indigenous people. “We were looking for Danielle Moonstar. Is she home right now?” I questioned.



I was right! This is first place telling...

“She has leaved the house,”

Maybe you mean left?

‘his brother was not crazy’.

“She was scared to the


What the hell does the bolded part mean?

Okay, thats all I'm going to review, I may come back later and continue.

I think you've got a very interesting plot here, Its just overshadowed by the fact that you told us Everything . The one thing I need you to work on is that telling. Show, Show, Show, Show, Show, SHow ,Show, SHow.

Okay? Thank you for giving me something to reivew!
~The very dramatic Llama named POinte
hush, my sweet
these tornadoes are for you


-Richard Siken


Formerly SparkToFlame
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 2383
Reviews: 67
Sun Jun 26, 2011 7:14 pm
Alliaaryn5665 says...



Hi,

This was okay, but no one wants to read blocks of writing. Break it up into chapters. There were many grammatical errors.

Farewell,
A.
You think you are any different from me,or yourfriends?Or this tree?If you listenhard enough,you canhear every living thingbreathing together.You canfeel everything growing.We are all living togethereven if most folksdon't act like it.We all havethe same roots,and we are allbranches of the sametree.
  








Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
— Abraham Lincoln