Young Writers Society

This is a great story, I have to say. I wasn't necessarily checking for grammatical errors more than I was reading to see how compelling the story is, and I have to say, it was very enjoyable to read, especially being that of a Gorillaz fan myself. I think you very accurately portrayed Murdoc in this story, and I certainly look forward to more. I might also re-read and check for any other errors, but from what I've read, it's good to go. Good work, and I look forward to seeing more from you in the future.

Thank you for your review! Chapter Two is currently in the works.

Hey,
Thanks for requesting review. I generally point out grammatical errors. First thing I noticed though was towards the end you don't have a line of space between your dialogue for example:

Yours looks like this:

I love you.
I love you too.
Really, great!
Lets get married.

It should look like this because it's easier to read:

I love you.

I love you too.

Really, great!

Lets get married.

Make sense?

Anywho, on to the meat of your review:

2D had gotten on his nerves, so that had set him in a foul mood (he had actually gotten up relatively contented, for once).

I don't think the use of parenthesis is right here, so try to make that its own sentence instead of forcing it into parenthesis.

So he lay on his alcohol-stained bed,

Try to keep from switching tenses it confuses your readers. Lay is a present tense verb, but later on you use the verb was which is a past tense verb.

two hours sleep was adequate.

This would sound better if you put the word of after hours

With all the details in the beginning I felt a little bored. Your readers do have an imagination; let them use it a little. Overall it was ok. I can't quite put my finger on what needs work, but maybe that's because I don't know what you are writing you fanfiction about. Keep up the good work. If you have any questions or need another review just ask!

Have a great day,
Tiffany

Thanks for the review. I'll edit the points you brought up and keep the ones you suggested in mind.

Hey i loved the story you have really good description, the only thing i noticed was that twice in the story you wrote that Murdoc "Was amused by her boldness" Try to switch it up a little. Other then that it was great, i'm looking forward to a sequel!

Oh, did I? XD Thanks.