Young Writers Society

Author's Note: I was introduced to the X-Men, and I am obsessed. So now this is my first attempt at fanfiction. Crates are welcome, sorry it's so short!!


Preface-Fights and Split Ups

"I do not care what you think I did you're wrong! I am a Spaniard a good wife and a loving mother! I would never stray from my religon, and that you would even think that is beyond my understanding!" Katerina's mother screamed at her father. Katerina  winced. They'd been going at it for hours now. {Not that they would care to stop. Ever since Pappa found Mamma in the arms of that soldier, another war began.} "Then what were you doing? You would care to explain why your body was pressed upon him in such a way that would have the church shun you should they know?" Her father answered back. Katerina winced. Pappa's voice was low and laced with venom. "There are many things that the church would shun us for," Theresa retorted. "Such as the knowledge our only child is an......" The voice became muffled, and soon a slap and a cry of pain could be heard. "Never speak Katerina that way. She is still our daughter, for all her faults." Her mother must be glaring at her father, Kitty realised. A deep, mournful sigh escaped Theresa's lips. "You know that she is not truly our daughter." she stated. 

Katerina  backed away from the door frame, her hand clamped over her mouth to stifle the cry that would escape had she not stopped it. {Not their daughter? But how, why, who???} Her thoughts wouldn't settled. As quietly as she could, she stood up and walked away from the door of her parents sleeping chamber. "I can no longer stay here." she whispered. "I do not belong, nor do they want me. And what if they turn me in? What then? No, I must go." Her choice made, she grabbed what few belongings she truly cared about, and put them in a sack. She shouldered her pack, and without a second glance back, walked strait through the wall. 

Several hours later, her parents discovered she was gone. The town was roused and the men searched through the night, but no trace could be found of 
Katerina. The conclusion was that she had been found by Indian scouts, but her parents knew better. They knew she was gone. 

Two Days Later

BAM!! BAM!! BAM!!
Theresa opened the door and stared at the knocker through tear stained eyes. "What do you need sir?" She asked. He stared at her for a moment. "Wat I lef' here fou'teen years ago." She knew enough English to understand him, and she reeled back, shocked. "Matthew!" she shrieked. "What is it, Theresa? Is Katerina home?" He shouted as he came pounding down the stairs. Matthew ground to a halt when he saw the stranger. "Who are you?" he asked warily. 

The stranger did not bother to answer, his eyes had gone wide at Matthew's statement, it appeared he understood Spanish. "She is not here?!?" He hissed in horror. Theresa shook her head. "She left two days ago." The stranger glared at them for a moment, then turned on his heel. "Who are you?!" Matthew shouted at his back. "Someone who's goin' ta make yer life hell if I can' find ma sister 'for they do!" He threw over his shoulder. Kitty's parents stared after him in shock, for when he looked back at them, they had seen his eyes, bright red on black. "Wait sirrr! Who be they?" Theresa shouted in mangled English, but he didn't turn back. 



A/N: Things are slightly different. Kitty (Katerina) has some more powers and different parents. It's for the plot in later chapters, so for those who hate me I'm sorry. If you see something that is like, totally bogus just know I'm on writers block, and this was very hard to piece together, which is also why it's so short. Let me know if I should keep it up!

The first sentence is kind of does not make sense, it seems contradictory. Her thoughts seem a little bit short and choppy. I like how the stranger talks it gives him some character. This is the first fan-fiction I've read and it seems like you did a pretty good job with it, there really weren't very many mistakes.
"Never speak Katerina that way. She is still our daughter, for all her faults." Her mother must be glaring at her father, Kitty realised. A deep, mournful sigh escaped Theresa's lips. "You know that she is not truly our daughter." she stated.

I think it should be "Never speak TO Katerina that way." Also I would take out or change "she stated." because it seems a little un-needed and out of place since we know who talking from the sigh, and stated doesn't really fit.
"but no trace could be found of

Katerina. " There should not be a line in between "found of" and "Katerina"
Well I hope I helped a little bit. By the way I liked your quote at the bottom

Hey,
I don't know much about X-Men, so I'm going to approach this as though it was regular fiction. Maybe I'll help, maybe not. We'll see.

"I am a Spaniard a good wife and a loving mother!
Because you have a list over two items long, you need a comma after each item, so one comma after Spaniard and one after wife.

I would never stray from my religon, and that you would even think that is beyond my understanding!" Katerina's mother screamed at her father. Katerina winced. They'd been going at it for hours now. {Not that they would care to stop. Ever since Pappa found Mamma in the arms of that soldier, another war began.} "Then what were you doing? You would care to explain why your body was pressed upon him in such a way that would have the church shun you should they know?" Her father answered back. Katerina winced. Pappa's voice was low and laced with venom. "There are many things that the church would shun us for," Theresa retorted. "Such as the knowledge our only child is an......" The voice became muffled, and soon a slap and a cry of pain could be heard. "Never speak Katerina that way. She is still our daughter, for all her faults." Her mother must be glaring at her father, Kitty realised. A deep, mournful sigh escaped Theresa's lips. "You know that she is not truly our daughter." she stated.
You need to start a new paragraph when a different person start to talk. So Theresa start talking, and then you start a new paragraph, and then Pappa can talk.

But how, why, who???}
Only one punctuation mark is needed. Having more than one is a little tiresome. Get her deseperation and shock, or whatever she's feeling through her actions.

"I can no longer stay here." she whispered. "I do not belong, nor do they want me. And what if they turn me in? What then? No, I must go."
This sounds stiff and formal, too much so for someone talking to themselves.

She walked strait through the wall.
Strait is like a geographical word meaning the water way between two landmasses. The word you want is spelled straight.
The town was roused and the men searched through the night, but no trace could be found of
Okay, when you have two independant clauses connected by a conjunction you have to have a comma before the conjunction.

The stranger did not bother to answer, his eyes had gone wide at Matthew's statement, it appeared he understood Spanish.
Where both of the commas in this sentence are, you need a period or a semicolon. This is just a gigantic run-on sentence otherwise.

He threw over his shoulder.
What did he throw over his shoulder?

I thought this was interesting. It made me wonder what was coming next. Um... because I have no connection to the characters with movies or comic books, I found them a little flat. You have to make sure you don't let the supposed knowledge the reader has on the character keep you from making him/her dimensional. Otherwise, it was a good beginning, making me want to know what happens next.
If you need a review, just PM me or post on my wall.
Keep writing,
Megsug.