Young Writers Society

Chapter One

“For death begins with life’s first breath and life begins with at the touch of death.”

The first thing Madara noticed was the colors. They danced around him, taunting him with such beauty. It made him angry that they could do that to him. He jerked up, trying to reach them, only to be restrained by some rope. He growled and tore at his restraints, planning to rip apart whoever had captured him. He was the great Uchiha, the head of the clan, and not one to be captured so easily. He would show whoever it was the true power of Madara Uchiha, and that would be the last of them.

“It seems you have awakened, Uchiha-sama.”

Madara twisted his head in order to see who spoke. The colors began take form and shape into objects around the room. The room was shaded, so he could see everything better. As the objects became clear around him in his eye, he jerked his head and hissed at the man standing in the doorway. He looked like a regular punk, piercings all over his face and his hair dyed orange and spiked.

“Who the fuck are you?” Madara hissed with disgust.

The teenager only stared at him emotionless. “I am Pein.”

Madara snorted, a name he gave himself most likely. He decided that this guy was just another weak disrespectful brat and he would tear him limb from limb once he was freed.

Pein went on as if he hadn’t heard that. “I have recalled you from the dead, Uchiha-sama. You are one of the most powerful criminals-”

“Criminal? I’m not a criminal; I am a gift to the world!” Madara protested.

“As I was saying,” Pein continued, “You are one of the most powerful people the world has ever seen-”

“One of the? I’m the most powerful the world has seen and will see,” he muttered, interrupting yet again to the aggravation of the teenager.

“Yes, you’re the most powerful person in the world. May I continue?” Pein didn’t disguise his annoyance with the man, something that pleased him.

Madara flaunted a smile. “Gladly. Please go on.”

Pein muttered to himself before going on. “You are the most powerful man on Earth and I have resurrected you. Now that I have done that, I wish to make a request from you.”

“Well spit it out, boy. I got places to be, things to do, people to kill,” Madara said.

Pein let out a sigh before continuing. “I wish for you to start an organization with me. I want to bring peace to the world and I can only do that with your power,” he finished, finally getting to the point of this.

“My power? You’ll use my power in order to bring peace,” Madara said, letting out a cackle.”You will not use me because I don’t work with brats!”

Pein looked unaffected by his outburst, letting the older man go on.

“I am Madara Uchiha! Do you know what that means?! That means that I could rip out your heart right now and you couldn’t do a thing to stop me. Don’t you dare tell me what to do, you brat. I shall show you the true meaning of pain, and not the way you use as your name. You little fucker, you can’t control me.”

Pein waited a moment before replying. “Sir, you want to rule the world, correct? I am able to give you that power which you seek. The organization will bring peace to the world, and you and I will be in charge of it.”

“No deal,” he said, turning his head away to look at the wall beside him. “I want all the power, not just some.”

Pein rubbed his temple, regretting bringing Madara back to life. “You may have all of the power, if you wish, as long as my goal is realized,” he hesitantly said.

Madara looked at Pein suspiciously. “Why do you want to bring peace to the world so badly? It’s only a place full of pain and sorrow. There’s nothing that will change that.”

Pein’s expression began to change into something full of sorrow. “So it is impossible. I understand sir; I will allow you to die then.”

“Wait a second, whippersnapper! I never said I could not do it!” Madara laughed nervously at this. “I want my life. Give me my life and power, and I shall have you realize your dream.”

Light returned to Pein’s silver eyes and he nodded. “It is agreed then.” He moved to untie the man, freeing him from many things that had restrained him.

Madara flexed his wrist, red from the rope burn. “Thank you, thank you,” he muttered, a twisted grin coming over his face. “Thank you, Pein. Now we both can realize our goals.”

A/N: Enjoy! Review please and you don't need to t=know the show to really enjoy fanfiction. This is an AU so the refrences won't be made.

You, paperbackheart, have just made a prologue which makes me crave for more. I hope to see more of your novel. You are the best at what you do: creating entertaining writings which are simplistic in it's language yet complex in emotion. Your novel is going to be awesome, I can feel it. Part one of my own novel is up, but it probably isn't as good as this. Tell me what you think of it. It would be awesome to get advice from an awesome person.

I could recognize the Uchiha part from Naruto but I could be wrong. I like your story and it's a great story. Too bad it ended so keep writing please because that was amazing. Now I have one thing to say though:

Wait a second, whippersnapper!

NO NO NO. This Uchiha character was menacing until that whippersnapper part........and it kinda ruined it. Please change that.

You should've used a word like "brat" which he refers to this Pein as or "runt" or whatever. Whippersnapper just ruined his mojo. haha. But other than that good start. Good luck

First off, great plot! But you need a little help on the writing part. your story was very choppy, and it was hard for me to keep up.
[quote="paperbackheart"]Chapter One

“For death begins with life’s first breath and life begins with at the touch of death.”

The first thing Madara noticed was the colors. They danced around him, taunting him with such beauty.Try exchanging 'such' with 'their' It made him angry that they could do that to him.Okay, this sentence makes absolutely no sense. What are the lights? Are they pretty, glowy, orby lights or bright hospital lights or what? HeThis would be a good spot to use his name again jerked up, trying to reach themtry 'he jerked up, reaching out, but was restrained by the rope around his limbs, only to be restrained by some rope. He growled and tore at his restraints, planning to rip apart whoever had captured him. He needs some dialouge, like 'who's done this,' madra growled, pulling at his restraints 'i'll rip you to shreds' See, doesn't that help?b] He was the great Uchiha, the head of the clan[b]What is the name of the clan, there are many clans out there you know, and not one to be captured so easily' how about 'he was not to be captured so easily'?. He would show whoever it was the true power of Madara Uchiha, and that would be the last of them. get rid of 'whoever it was' and use something like, 'he would show his capture his true power, and that would be the end of that' or something of the sort

“It seems you have awakened, Uchiha-sama.”okay, which one of them is Japanese?

Madara twisted his head in order to see who spoke.'Madara twisted his head to catch a glimpse of his captor' The colors began take form and shape into objects around the room.We are long past the colors. That boat has sailed[b]] The room was shaded, so he could see everything better.[b]unless you describe the room in detail(which you should) do not use this[b][/b] As the objects became clear around him in his eyein his eye?, he jerked his head and hissed at the man standing in the doorway. He looked like a regular punk, piercings all over his face and his hair dyed orange and spiked.

Okay, I didn't edit the whole thing, only a little so you could get the idea. You just end more description and to take your time. Your speeding so quickly through your prologue i don't even have time to realize whats happening! I hope this helped!