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Young Writers Society


would someone give me some feedback on what i have written?



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Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:09 am
dallascow222 says...



Removed.
  





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Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:29 am
dasiamari says...



The moon was shining as bright as its sister, the sun, had just a few hours before. Calisan moved up a little bit closer to the antiquated oak tree. He leaned in closer to firmly press his ear to the trunk. The bark smelled of fire. There were no leaves just dead branches. Calisan looked up at the sky. It had an eerie taste to it tonight. A score of stars were visible in just this tiny window of light. It was not usual for this many stars to be shining at once. At that moment he saw something run across a fallen tree directly to his left. He slowly turned his head with extreme attentiveness. He did this because he has heard of stories of strange beasts that lurk the woods of Starrowyn Forest
He pulled out an arrow out of his back, his ears slowly twitching in the wind. His eyes widened at the sight of what he saw.


Okay so if he was attentive why didn't he see this arrow shooting person?

So other than that, I think I saw a few places with a need of commas. I really do like the direction of your story and I think that you should continue.
Know that she's back in the atmosphere I'm afraid that she'll think of me as a plain old Jain told a story 'bout a man who was to afraid to fly so he never did land. ~Train
  





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Mon Jan 02, 2012 7:31 am
dallascow222 says...



he was the person that was shooting the arrow. now that i actaully re read what i have written i can go back and add or take out some words.
  








I always prefer to believe the best of everybody; it saves so much trouble.
— Rudyard Kipling