Young Writers Society

Malvera Town, 1890.
The moon shone brighter than ever. Two men, tall with muscular figure strolled quietly beside the moonlit lane. They’ve expected no one would notice them. The ‘Secret Meeting’ must be done within the night.
Another man came from opposite direction. His hands were in his pocket, walking steadily towards the rest, as if they were unrelated. The two men could never guess what was hidden under his long-black coat which looked protective. They knew him well. The Hunter, the cunning one
“You already know your job, don’t you?” a shorter man asked to the hunter as they were close enough with him. They stared closely at his slender frame. The dark situation and a black hat overshadowed him, which made them hard to see him, or to recognize him, yet.
“I know. The witch, right?” he asked in return. From his husky voice, they knew it was him, the one they always asked for service. That was the Hunter’s job. Paid then hunt.
“You’re smarter than ever.” The other man said with a snigger.
As the hunter rose his head up to meet his client eyes, he knew they understood what the meaning was. He agreed. Killing was his hobby. He trained himself well to be strong and to fight off enemies.
“I know you know that I want more perks this time.” He assumed. The two men nodded. They wanted nothing more than protection from him from the evil witch.

***

“Rufus, are you there!?” a loud cracking voice heard from outside of his room. He was busy preparing to leave.
“I am here, mom!” he shouted back after he tied his bag. He rose and reached for the door. He didn’t expect his mom to come over to his room on late night.
“What?” he said, opening the door half, showing only his face to his waist. Grey eyes, brown-wavy hair, tall and slim.
“Where are you going, Rufus?” her mother asked demandingly. She was a lot shorter than he was, with graying hair, in her nightgown.
“I’m leaving, mom. I wanted to find Tom.” He confessed, thought he wasn’t certain if Tom was still alive or not.
“Tom’s dead, Rufus. You should accept the fact. His body was found in Oakley.” His mother reassured him. His heart didn’t change for even a slightest chance. He was determined to find his young brother.
He moved back to the things he’d packed. Every time he feels the atmosphere in his small bedroom, he remembers the memories with Tom, even after a month had passed. In the small room too, they broke into fight, which was the factor Tom left and never come home anymore.
“It is all my fault.” He regretted.
“I’m not going to lose you too, Rufus.” Her mother pleaded.
“I’ll be back mom. I promise,” he assured her. For a moment, they stood in silence, listening to nothingness. He noticed a tear fell from his mother’s eye.

***

The Hunter walked warily through the forest. He had spotted the witch. It was easy for him to hear the ugly creature murmuring their curse words because he was used to it.
He reached for his shotgun, positioned nicely in the holster on his waist. He didn’t notice there was another witch, surging towards him from above.
“Die!” she screamed as she lunged upon him. A pulsating ripple, strong enough to kill him, echoed in between them. He leapt backward to elude from the deadly wave, a common witch spell.
He pointed his gun to her. Her long black hair unfurled, creating a tough shield around her, blocking the bullet. One thing the witch overlooked was the fact that the bullet was specially design to break her spell. Lionfang bullet.
Her hair scattered away and the impulse made her thrown backward.
Human.
He heard the witch thought. He tried not to be panic. There was a human nearby, which was very dangerous. The witches always seek for human soul to perform a ritual, to steal their lives thus confirming immortality to the themselves.
The Hunter turned aside and dashed to the direction of the human, ignoring the witch. She jumped to the same direction, trying to outrun her.
A moment later, he saw the human. Grey eye, brown-wavy hair, tall and slim.
“Stay away from here!” he warned.

This was a great read!

Every time he felt the atmosphere in his small bedroom, he remembered the memories with Tom, even after a month had passed.

Only thing (grammar wise) that really bugged me was that this sentence seemed to be in present tense while the rest was in past. So, just some minor adjustments

Other then that, I didn't catch anything else (I'm not really one to nit-pick all of the little details, so I'll leave that to somebody else).

I really love the idea, and I hope you put out another chapter soon!

Hi there!

Alright, I clicked on this because I thought it'd be about the dreadful witch trials. I guess this is set kind of around that time, but more near the end of it since it's the late 1800s. Anyway, instead I ended up reading something completely different than what I'd originally thought. Either way. Here's a review just for you!

I found most of it really confusing and perhaps that is due to how rushed the whole thing felt. Remember, it's one chapter to a novel and thus don't feel obliged to write everything in a short form. The chapter definitely has room to be longer and you, as the writer, definitely have room to write much more! There are few details here and when there is description, it's not in the write placing. Tackle all five human senses (touch, smell, hearing, taste and sight - sight being one of the most crucial ones to use in creative writing) which will really bring out the exemplary points in a piece of fiction. Describe the setting and feel of the places your characters go to, the smells, the sounds (is it an eerie silence of whistling grasses?). It can really personalize a story for whoever is reading it and creates really vivid images in the mind.

Second, keep in mind of the era: 1890. When Rufus is talking to his mother, the word 'mom' was hardly ever used if not ever. More commonly used were the words 'mum' and 'mother'. 'Mom' is rather informal, even if the speaker comes from a low-income family household. It was much more formal in the 1800s and early 1900s.

Also, I think that the ending of the chapter is rushed and since the audience know nothing about the Hunter's motivations or reasons to kill this witch, it seems weird to write. One must know the motives to feel in line with what is going on within the story. That also leads into writing longer, less rushed chapters.

I thought it was a good start, but I'm a bit confused about where this is going. It's like a short story in the fact that a plot has already been sort of resolved.

Yours,
Lavvie

Midnight is interesting from the first couple of paragrphs. It captures the readers attention and makes them want to know more. There is a good amount of detail which creates the setting in the readers mind which is important when writing. The changing between characters shows that there is a link between them and that there may be some significant event that goes on. The events that doi occur, such as the attempt to kill the witches, were well written and interesting. That captured my attentiong and drew me into the story all the more.
I believe that the chapter's ending shouldn't be so sudden because the reader will be left in a suspense that they may not like or apprectiate, although some may like the suspense. It was really good and really interesting. Good lob, I can't wait to read the rest.

Great opening!

I thought I wouldn't enjoy it because it's quite simple, but I really did. You set the scene quickly and gave just enough information to do so. It's quite difficult to paint a vivid picture without it getting cluttered, so I think I could learna lesson or two from you.

My advice though, as much as I like the quick start, don't make it such a quick finish. Jumping across scenes so quickly is disrupting to your reader. It's the kind of thing you can get away with in movies because you have much more visual imput at once, but in writing you have to pace yourself much more, and take a little more time getting into your readers head.

For the beginning of a novel at least you need to focus on one or two particular characters, and then introduce the others later in time. I think Rufus and his mother would be best. He seems like the main character a YA audiance would be able to relate to most. Introduce the strangers later.

Now, on to Chapter Two.

Great story!
It was packed with action, and although I cannot relate the characters, I really liked it! I did feel a bit out of place when you talk about Rufus, but well. I just want to point out a few mistakes that you did:

The Hunter, the cunning one dot

The dark situation and a black hat overshadowed him,

I didn't understand this.

Every time he felt the atmosphere in his small bedroom, he remembered the memories with Tom, even after a month had passed.In the small room too, they broke into a fight, which was the factor(reason, maybe) Tom left and never came home anymore.

He noticed a tear fall

Noticed is already in past, so there is no need to write fall in past too.

The witches always seek for human soul to perform a ritual, to steal their lives thus confirming immortality to the themselves.

You have to write either a human soul, or human souls.

trying to outrun her.

Is the Hunter a she now?

Grey eye, brown-wavy hair, tall and slim.

Does he have only one eye?
Anyway, that was really good. Keep it up!