Young Writers Society

I know the hill I stand on is naturally a bright, flourishing green, but in the predawn light it looks black. I guess that could be considered appropriate, given the circumstances. It is not a battlefield, not yet, but I can picture the carnage that is about to come so clearly.

From my perch, I can see almost everything.

It has always been my curse, that I could never be blinded to the truth. With the knowledge I carry, the filmy veil of glory and honour was never enough to hide the decay from my eyes. There was a time when my entire being longed to tear the curtain away. Yet here we stand, completely exposed, and a part of me wishes I could take it back.

Everyone would be shocked if they only knew how petrified I am right now. The men who are willing to fight and die for my sake must never know how much I detest what I am about to make them do, but it’s not really a secret that my armour is only gleaming because I’ve never worn it into battle before.

It’s not as though I don’t have blood on my hands. It’s the means and the scale that are different. My fear of death, both for myself and my followers, has suddenly doused the flames that have driven me to this point. I’m not sure anymore whether I can follow through. After all, haven’t I already achieved my goal? Whatever happens after this, an irrevocable change has occurred.

The waving grass around me is far too much like the ocean. Did he stand like this? Staring out of the dark water? I can picture him, standing on a beach with an infant in his arms, raging at destiny for forcing him to make such a decision, and yet still bracing himself to commit the greatest atrocity of his life just trying and defy fate.

He and I are much more alike than he will ever admit. Perhaps that is why he always hated me. I am his antithesis, his shadow self. I am what he so easily could have become.

I was not the one who brought us here. This was never what I wanted. Yet we are following the path to destruction plotted for us despite our struggles. I know this, but I cannot stop it. I have lost too much already to turn back now.

Today I will fulfil a terrible prophecy.

When true dawn breaks, I am going to kill my father.

wow! that is so dramatic it's brilliant! i love the way the plot is let out the bag at the end and reader is left asking why? I think that the plot is going to be good for this novel and I hope that you are going to continue on and write about what blood this character has on his hands and also why he is going to kill his father and also the events that have lead him to this spot. I read your description and it said something about this being based on a king (i'm really sorry i don't remember which king ) but i think the best way to improve this story would be to introduce a bit about him which is historically correct but in a separate chapter to this. Just for the sake of people who a bit history dunce like me but overall i love it because it is really gripping and i look forward to reading more

Thank you for your comments! It's good to know I've succeeded in my prelimnary goal, which was to create a dark atmosphere and get people interested in what happened, why, and who these people are. The rest of the story will ansert those questions.

I intentionally left who the character is vague at this point, so only the die-hard mythology fans (like me) will be able to guess the context, at least for now. I'm hoping to create something thats as interesting for people who know nothing about King Arthur as it is for people who know everything. Here's hoping!

Hi Leah,

I'm truly impressed by your writing and I have to be honest, it's far better than anything I've read in this site for a long time. Your use of the intermixed complex and simple words, the smooth flow from the start to the end of a paragraph, I could go on and on about the wonderfulness of this, but I'll stop there and make the review.

Mistakes

standing of a beach with an infant in his arms

Standing "on"

raging at destiny for forcing him to make such a choice

I'd say "decision" is better than "choice"

Plot

Cannot say much about the prologue other than the fact that it seems intricately thought out and I'm positing that it'll turn out to be something great and unique in it's own right. The prologue is intriguing enough, and it drew me in with the first few sentences. Since this is the prologue, I believe that you would add the back-story of the main character and fill us in on the facts described in this. Great job on the prologue.

Looking forward to reading your other chapters.

Good luck

-C-

I am so flattered, Chirantha, you made my day! I have fixed that typo (special thanks for catching it, typos are the bane of my existance) and changed that word.

I also posted the first real chapter if anyone's interested *shameless self promotion*

Wow, this is truly amazing. I can't wait to read the rest of this, you've totally got me hooked. As long as you keep posting, I'll keep reading. Great job and keep writing <3

Wow! You are an amazing writer. I would happily read more.