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Fire and Shadow: Prologue



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Tue Nov 08, 2011 3:48 am
Starhunter says...



[This is set roughly four years before Fire and Shadow: Part 1. It's still the same story though.]

No one had visited the grotto for centuries. Nothing had disturbed it except the rising and ebbing tides, leaving hundreds of seashells scattered across the worn stone floor. Even the roaring surf seemed quieter here, as if the sea too was afraid that it might break the tranquility of the grotto. A cool blue light illuminated the place, reflecting from the waves outside the narrow cave mouth and the dark stone walls, creating an atmosphere that was like the sea: both beautiful and dangerous. The tension in the air tipped the scale, though; the cave was silent in anticipation. The calm before the storm.

It was low tide. Iulia stood at the edge of the water, and the waves splashed close to her feet, getting closer with each try. Iulia smiled- it was a sign. That the gods were on her side, there could be no doubt. The tide was turning.

She held up her long black satin skirt as she slipped out of her shoes and carelessly kicked them back toward the old stone stairs she had come down. They landed with a clatter that reverberated around the grotto, growing louder in an angry, menacing way before fading. Iulia felt her heart stop as a large ripple disturbed the pool in the center of the grotto. She paused, waiting, as it moved across the pool and until it splashed weakly against the sides. Nothing happened. Iulia breathed again, and stepped closer, carefully, to the pool.

The cave was almost a perfect circle, and now, at low tide, a crescent of smooth stone was the only beach. It divided the sea from the pool that made up the rest of the grotto, which Iulia now approached. It was deep- deeper, Iulia knew, than the sea immediately outside. It appeared bottomless, fading from the warm turquoise water of the sea, to a deep blue, and then a fathomless black. The pool was also unexplainably still. It was not disturbed by the wind the sea brought with it as it lapped onto the stone beach or by the dripping stalactites that hung above it.

Iulia stepped to the edge of the pool and took a long, deep breath. She closed her eyes, draining her mind of all thoughts and letting it fill with the one feeling, the one emotion that had brought her here. She felt it flicker, coldly, in her mind, and she fed it enthusiastically, until she felt it burning like a cold fire all over her body. Slowly, Iulia let her breath out in a satisfied sigh and smiled, basking in her cool flames as if it were the warmest sunshine. She opened her eyes and drew the small knife from her pocket. She ran a finger along its cool steel blade, so much warmer than the flames that she felt. It was time.

With a quick motion, Iulia cut her palm with the knife and held it extended over the pool. Blood ran down her fingers and formed droplets at the tips, like drops of water hanging from a stalactite. Then, with a flick of her fingers, Iulia sent them falling into the pool like rain, where they stained the water as they sank. Iulia brought her hand back and waited.

It didn’t take long. Moments after the blood dissolved into the pool, something moved. It was hard to tell exactly what it was- a dark shape writhed in the depths of the pool. Iulia frowned as she tried to pick it out, but even as she watched it was obscured further by the ripples that now shook the surface of the pool. She leaned further over the pool, then moved quickly back, alarmed, as the water boiled. The water bubbled up, splashing up aggressively, as if the pool was trying to spread. Iulia retreated backwards toward the sea until her feet here covered in the cold seawater. Her eyes were riveted on the roiling waters of the pool.

Then, suddenly, everything stopped. The last waves died away on the edges of the pool, leaving it as calm as before. Iulia watched closely, not convinced by the sudden stillness. The pool had lost all its color, becoming completely black. The grotto seemed dimmer, as if the waters had absorbed some of its light, making it hard to see. Iulia frowned and leaned closer, stepping out of the seawater and back onto the stone beach.

“Why don’t you come closer, earth daughter?” the voice boomed suddenly through the cave, echoing loudly as it spoke. Iulia jumped, startled, and instinctively began to put her hands over her ears. She kept her hands at her sides, though, and looked around the dim grotto for the source, but saw nothing.

“Where are you?” she called, squinting as the light seemed to fade further. The far end of the pool was invisible in the darkness now, but as she watched, Iulia saw a flicker of movement, and heard a splash. “I command you, show yourself!”

For a moment, nothing but the quiet lapping of the sea could be heard. Then a deep laugh echoed through the cave, shaking water droplets from the stalactites.

“You cannot command me, earth daughter,” the voice answered, “but you have called me with your blood. And so I came, to see what one with so much life in her veins wished to say to me.”

Iulia’s eyes began to adjust to the darkness, and she began to pick out a long, lithe shape on the far end of the pool. It seemed almost serpentine- one end flicked back and forth like a tail, and the other sat higher from the pool, erect, like a head. Iulia tucked her chin and smiled knowingly to herself. It was just what she had been waiting for.

“You cannot fool me, Jumaris,” she said, speaking confidently now. “I know you, and your secret name. And I believe you know that, else you would not have come. It intrigues you, doesn’t it?” she teased, dangling her information like bait on a hook. “You have been long forgotten by we children of earth.”

“I wished to be forgotten, and left alone,” the voice hissed, not sounding as powerful now. It sounded somehow hollower, as if its words were echoing inside itself before being released into the grotto. Iulia smiled again.

“I still do not believe you,” she said. “I think you came for another reason- in fact, you already told me. The magic of fresh blood is too tempting, hmmm?” she mused. “And magic as potent as mine could not be passed up.”

The creature on the far side of the pool said nothing, but Iulia heard a splash and saw ripples in the water as it thrashed its tail irritably. “I hunger,” it said, and Iulia could hear strong yearning in its hollow voice. “It has been many years since I have tasted life-magic. And many more since I have tasted that of earth.” The voice sounded wistful, almost. It waited for her reply.

“I understand your hunger,” she responded, “for I feel it too. You crave the magic you can only find in living beings- not fish and creatures of the sea, but the living magic of the earth. I crave something too,” her eyes darkened, and the feeling of cold flames on her skin grew stronger as she thought. “But what I crave, only you can give me. So,” she said, raising her head, “I propose a deal.”

The voice scoffed. “Deal?” it asked. But then its voice became more interested. “What is this deal?”
Iulia smiled. “When the stars align in the summer sky, I will cast a spell that will allow you to leave this pool. I will give you an entire city, brimming with life, ripe to be taken,” she whispered.

The shape in the darkness shuddered, and a barely concealed excitement crept into its voice. “A city,” it mused. “And what must I do in return?”

“Destroy it. Bring the sea with you, and swallow the place whole. It will be your new kingdom, and mankind will know your name once again. And all that life, all that magic, will be yours to take as you will.”

The creature seemed to think it over, but Iulia already knew what it would say. However, its next words surprised her.
“Why do such a thing?” it asked, sounding curious. “Among my people, it is forbidden to act in such a way against another.” It thrashed its tail, sending ripples through the pool, then added, “Not that I protest, of course.”

Iulia’s face grew dark again and she stepped involuntarily backward, into the seawater. “Because it is what they deserve,” she said, after a moment. “It is justice to deal out punishment to those who deserve it. I offered something beyond measure to the King of that place, and he spurned it with such malice that he-” she stopped speaking and bit her lip, trying to resume control as her skin and the air around her grew cold. She breathed slowly in and out, eyes closed, and her breath at first came out as a cloud of steam into the wintry air around her. The grotto was silent.

The creature splashed into the water and floated closer to her. “I accept this deal,” it said. “When will it occur? I have not seen the stars in a long time.”

Iulia nodded, and breathed slowly out one last time before answering. “In fifteen summers,” she said, her voice and face devoid of any emotion. “When the stars of the sea are the strongest.”

The creature approached the end of the pool closest to Iulia and rose up out of the water in front of her. In the dim light, she could make out a scaly reptilian face before her, with two bright green eyes that scrutinized her face. “Put out your hand, daughter of earth,” it said, extending a clawed foot at her.

Cautiously, Iulia stepped forward and put out her hand to meet its claw. The creature moved forward, pressing a smooth, round object into her hand. She closed her fingers firmly around it, and the creature’s claw drew back.

“Cast that into the water when it is time,” it said, retreating back into the pool. “I will come to it.” Silently, the creature slipped back into the pool with barely a ripple, causing only a small splash with its tail. Then it was gone, and slowly, the light became brighter in the grotto, and once again Iulia could hear the lapping of the waves at her feet. The tide was coming in.

Iulia walked slowly back to the stairs, going carefully over the events of the last few minutes in her mind. Finally, satisfied, she began to smile to herself, and she opened her hand, revealing what the creature had given her.

A pearl, flawless in shape and color, lay in her hand. It was so perfectly white that it seemed to glow with its own luminescence. From it came the scent of the sea. Iulia’s smile widened and she placed the pearl in the pocket of her dress. A sea dragon’s pearl.

As she went up the stairs to the Miirsti outpost, Iulia began to hum, and then sing happily. She hadn’t felt so good in a long time.
Why do we fall?
So we can learn to pick ourselves up.


If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it!
Wanna change the world?
There's nothing to it.
  





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136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Tue Nov 08, 2011 4:16 am
Leahweird says...



This is an epic prologue. You've managed to put us right into the scene without it feeling abrubt or leaving us wondering what is going on. In fact, you gave us a ton of information about the world you've created. I really liked the level of description too.

Some of the things you mentioned about part one make more sense now too. Like "witchling". I'm still not going to make too many assumptions, but I like where this is going. I wonder what is says about me that I really like Jumaris...

Anyways, this does everything a good prologue is supposed to do. It draws the reader in, established what kind of story this is going to be, and gives us just enough information that we won't be lost during the meat of the story. Awesome.
  





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Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:28 am
MariaRowlands says...



That was very interesting. I believe that you could add two things, those are the descriptions for the young girl and the serpent. You have done very well in writing this story and I believe that you can go far. I hope to see more of this story. I will be waiting paitently for the rest of this novel. Please continue. This is a very good story.
May The Blood of my Enemies Flow Like Rivers to the Sea
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 1648
Reviews: 27
Thu Nov 10, 2011 2:42 am
Starhunter says...



Thanks people for your input! :)
Do you have any ideas for how I could fit in descriptions, while still being subtle? I mean, the story is being presented from Iulia's point of view, so she wouldn't be describing herself. And she really can't see Jumaris, which is why I left those pretty much alone. I'm keeping Jumaris on the DL right now, 'til I get a few more things worked out.
Ha, well, I'm doing my best posting bits, but I did right quite a bit chunk that now has to be changed since I changed something in the past (if you know what I mean.) Like I said before, this story is from more than one point of view- there is still a second main character you haven't met yet! (Unfortunatly, it's her part that needs the changes, so it may be a while.)
Why do we fall?
So we can learn to pick ourselves up.


If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it!
Wanna change the world?
There's nothing to it.
  





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136 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 2952
Reviews: 136
Thu Nov 10, 2011 3:04 am
Leahweird says...



Not to cause dissent or anything, but I'm a believer in leaving out descriptions of things unless they add to the story. The word "serpent" is pretty evocative, so we can guess a lot about what he looks like, and what Iulia looks like doesn't actually affect out perception of the scene (or, I don't think it does, I could be alone in this). Unless it comes up in context, I don't think you need to add anything. It's a matter of balance, and you already have a lot of really good description.

Sorry about the miniature rant, but this is an issue of mine. The tactic of leaving out information that isn't germain to the subject was recommended to me by one of my favourite authors (Canadian writer Kelly Armstrong) and her books are amazing because of it. Feel free to ignore me however.
  





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Sat Nov 19, 2011 12:03 am
keeleybeaver says...



Very interesting! I feel like I've been reading this book for a week, not just a couple of minutes. You manage to draw the reader in without leaving anything out. The setting seems very interesting! You're an amazing writer, and I will enjoy reading the rest of this and your other works of amazing, talented art.
  





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Mon Nov 28, 2011 3:33 pm
TinyDancer says...



Hey there, I've come to return the favor for your review on Inferno.

I loved this piece! It was very informative and descriptive, but not suffocatingly so. I like to be slowly introduced to the characters instead of just stuff like "This is Jane. She has brown hair. She likes the color blue." You did a good job of not doing this! There's not much else to say that hasn't already been said, so good job and when I get time, I will be reading the other parts of this novel! Keep up the good work! (Oh, and sorry this isn't a very long review :/ )
`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•

“The circus arrives without warning.
No announcements precede it.
It is simply there,
When yesterday it was not.”

`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•`•.¸¸.•´´¯`••._.•
  





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27 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1648
Reviews: 27
Mon Nov 28, 2011 5:07 pm
Starhunter says...



Thanks everybody for the input! I really appreciate it! :)
Why do we fall?
So we can learn to pick ourselves up.


If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it!
Wanna change the world?
There's nothing to it.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 906
Reviews: 3
Sat Dec 10, 2011 8:06 pm
Boogie97 says...



wow. I would love to buy this as a published hard back book one day. the detail and the feeling i get when i read this is amazing. You have a very interesting prologue and when i get more time i am going to read and review the other chatpers:) I hope you continue to write this story.
  








"The adventures I enjoy are usually of a literary nature."
— Henry Winchester