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Young Writers Society


Chapter 5- Two World Collide



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Mon Nov 21, 2011 5:43 am
katngo73 says...



Susan sat on the warm, green couch. She turned, feeling the comfy rubber brush against her pale skin. She smiled, her face lighting up with rosy color as she turned to face Ruan. Ruan frowned, the corners of her blood red lips turning downwards. Susan thought to herself and all the new possibilities she had to choose from. Ruan was inviting her, warmly, to stay at the castle in Amgola. Amgola....That's where Daddy lives. Susan thought, her eyebrows knitting together.

"Are you all right, Susan?" Ruan snickered, her sparkling eyes glinting evilly.
"Fine, fine. I'm just thinking about.......my father."
"Your-your father?"
"My aunt said that he lives in Amgola." Susan sighed, bowing her tiny head so that her beautiful black hair covered her face.
"Amgola?"
"Yes."

Ruan leaned back, pressing herself into the disgusting green couch. She held her nose in disgust, her eyes squeezing shut. Why would a beautiful twin like Susan live in a dump? Ruan stood up suddenly, her gold earrings dangling like a string in front of a cat. She stood there, towering over Susan, like a real queen. She nodded her head and strode toward the moldy brown door. Susan hurried after the elegant girl.
"Wait, Ruan. You said something about an assistant. What is his name?" she blurted out, her voice quivering.
"Uh, Rice. Yes, my dear, trustworthy servant Rice." Ruan sighed, her face turning grim and pale.
"Rice? But....it can't be Eric?"
"Eric? Who is this young man named Eric?" Ruan demanded, her voice raising higher as she thought more about this Eric.
"You switch the E to the end....."Susan mumbled, her eyes focusing on the white glowing lamp beside Ruan.
"SUSAN!"
Susan immediately glowered at Ruan, her face knitted together in anger. She softened, seeing Ruan staring at her, shocked. Susan smiled again, her face once again lighting up to the beautiful rosy color. She bowed her head, one hot transparent tear running down her small face. She grinned, "I'm sorry, Ruan. I just have a friend like Eric.....and.........and..........He might look exactly like Rice."
Ruan stood there, her mouth gaping and her thin arms at her side. She hurried back onto the revolting couch and sat down. Her eyes were wide, big, brown and almond-shaped. She inspected Susan. She looked at Susan's hair, her face, her frail body structure, everything.
"Who is this Eric?" she asked, her eyes growing wider.
"He's-He's this boy I like at school. He-he........" Susan stuttered, her heart fluttering at his name.
"He's...........exactly like Rice? Let me call my little Rice and see for ourselves."
Ruan called out, her voice sweet and kind,"Rice! Dear, oh, dear Rice!"
A boy burst open the door, his black hair flailing around the room. He stared at Susan and Ruan, his blue eyes wide with fear. He stumbled to a bow at both of them. He grinned foolishly, his face cute and kiddish. Susan's stomach fluttered, even though she knew it was not Eric. He stood up straight, and ran to Ruan's side.
"This is Rice. And is he...."
"YES! Yes, he looks exactly like Eric." Susan cried out, her voice wailing as she remembered Eric's cruel laughter.
"Ruan Princess, may I ask what you are talking about?" Rice grinned, his head cocking to one side foolishly.
"She has a friend named Eric who looks exactly like you." Ruan replied, her voice tired and unfeeling.
"Why, that's marvelous, isn't it Ruan Princess?"
"Quite." she said, sitting up to stare at Susan once more.
"It.......is." Susan nodded frantically.
"Can I ever meet him? Can I ever look at him?" Rice asked, his head cocking to the other side.
"It depends............" Susan trailed off, falling in love with the kiddish and cute Rice.
"It's settled! We can meet him!" Rice hollered, his face filled with such joy that made Susan fall off the couch.
"Let us go then, shall we?" Ruan smiled, pulling out her hand to help Susan up.
“There’s no point in being grown up if you can’t act a little childish sometimes.”-The Fourth Doctor
"Who I was, what I did, that's not who I am." - Castiel
"Friends protect you." - John Watson
  





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304 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 22897
Reviews: 304
Tue Nov 22, 2011 1:25 pm
barefootrunner says...



Good! I seem to sense some form of trouble brewing... What will happen next?

The girls were interacting wonderfully, but I still can't quite figure out their individual characters. Try making their dialects a bit different - haughty and distinguished and childish and fearful, perhaps? I enjoyed reading it and look forward to the next instalment! I do not have any nitpicks to share with you!

Wonderful!
"Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts" - Einstein
  








I say, in matters of the heart, treat yo' self.
— Donna, Parks & Rec