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The Legends of Terrianne; Chapter One



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Sat Dec 03, 2011 5:42 am
samii27 says...



Chapter One

Everyone’s life begins, I mean really begins, at some point during their lives. My mother, for instance, said her life began the night she met my father. Dad said the same thing; his life began when he first saw my mother’s “angel” face as she sat freezing on the streets of Wasse. The King’s life would have begun when he was pronounced King of Zurrak.
My life began the same day as my brothers did, on a cool, grey morning when snow blanketed the ground and rooftops.

I made my way down to the Salt River that never froze with a basket balanced on my hip. The basket was full of clothing that belonged to my family. I don’t know how it could be called clothing though, because they were more like rags. We could afford nothing better, though, because we, like so many others, were poor. We were among the poorest of the poor. Dinner was something we sometimes went without because the price was so dear. The same was with water, it was very expensive. I always wished humans could survive on salt water, because then we would never grow thirsty. But if we did drink salt water from the Salt River, we would just grow thirstier and would have no way to quench our thirsts. I remember the family who lived in hut not far from our own. They couldn’t afford the water from the village’s tank, so they began to drink from Salt River. They didn’t survive very long.
It was cruel that the king kept the prices so high, yet got his fresh water for free. It was cruel that he made us poor families pay the high taxes he set, just so he could have piles of money in his money safe; money that he never used.
Snow seeped through my trousers as I knelt beside the river. I wished for the days of the Sun, when flowers bloomed along the riverbank and the rare bird would fly by, singing its beautiful call. I always hated the days of Snow. I don’t know why they called it the days of snow, though. It should have been the months of Snow. See, the days of Snow lasted a lot longer than the days of Sun and the days of Cloud. Every now and then there would be the days of Rain, where water would fall non-stop for up to weeks. Those were the worst days, when nothing could be done outside unless you wanted to get wet. The days of Rain were unpredictable. The skies could open up at any moment, catching people off guard. I hoped it wouldn’t rain any time soon. The snow was bad enough.
I plunged a piece of clothing into the river that never froze and gasped as the water immediately seized my joints in my hand. For a horrible moment I thought that maybe my hands had actually frozen, but finally I regained control of my hands and began to scrub the material clean. It was always the same, during the days of Snow. My hands would always freeze at first and refuse to move, but eventually I would always find the strength to do so. I knew many young girls, younger than me, who had had to visit the village’s herbalist, Lo, for their tiny hands would not regain movement. A girl I knew had lost three fingers from the terrible, aching coldness. She never touched the water in the days of Snow again. I would have called the girl a friend if it had not been dangerous to do so. Most people kept to themselves these days.
I was onto the last piece of clothing when I heard it. A thundering noise, as if the sky was about to fall. I jumped to my feet and stared towards the sky. It looked as it had always looked at this time of the year; grey. The noise was becoming louder and only now did I realise how stupid I was being. The sky was not going to fall! Even as I thought it I remembered my grandmother once telling me that if we didn’t help our world to recover, the sky would fall.
I shook my head and turned to find the source of the noise. Horses! And they were galloping full pelt towards me. Horses were among the few animals that had survived the years since the Earth began to die. The same could not be said for cats and dogs, well not normal cats and dogs anyway.
At first I thought the horses were wild and riderless and so I scrambled my belongings back into the basket. A lone girl in front of so many wild horses had no chance of not getting trampled. But then I saw the flash of colour and riders upon their backs. Red and yellow; the Kings colours. Kings Men were coming to Hurriard.
I stayed were I was, not certain, but fairly sure that when the time came the riders would see me and skirt around me. But they could decide to trample a lone girl anyway, just for fun. Kings Men seemed to have the Kings same attitude and cruelty. I hoped they would ride on and ignore me. Maybe I should have left while I could, but it was too late now. The horses were about to cross the river.
The first, a massive white horse, leapt into the river, head high as if trying to evade the droplets of water that were flying up from his doing. His rider wore a helmet over his face, but the helmet did not hide his cruel and excited smirk. I should have run when I had the chance.
By now the other horses had all leapt into the water and the leader was about to climb the bank only a metre from where I stood, shaking. Water from the river splashed into my face as the massive beast let out a shrill whinny and stumbled up the bank. The rider yanked his mounts head towards me and only pulled it to a stop after I had taken a few hurried steps back and landed with a thump on my backside.
Cackling men surrounded me, laughing at my clumsiness. I flushed a deep red and awkwardly climbed to my feet, leaving my basket lying on its side and clothes crumbled in the snow. I remained silent, waiting for an explanation from the men. The silence deepened and the man on the leading horse, the white one, began to frown in annoyance.
“You dare to disrespect your elders and superiors? You dare to disrespect the Kings very own men!?” The head man yelled.
I cringed. “N-no, sir! Sorry sir!” I stammered.
“When a group of Kings Men are in your presents you greet them!” He raged, face slightly red.
I gasped quietly. Of course! I had broken the Rules of King Reah! Rule number twenty seven; greet and respect all Kings Men in the most courteous of ways. I curtsied with my head down and said as bravely as I could, “Welcome to the Hurriard village, dearest Kings Men, protectors of all! Bravest of all!” I kept my eyes lowered, awaiting my punishment.
The Kings Men sneered. “That’s better! Now, little girl, what is your name?”
“Terrianne, sir,” I said, eyes still lowered.
“Ah, Terrianne! I believe you deserve punishment for your ignorance. We are staying at the Kings Men Hotel, I will expect to see you there come sunset. Agreed?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good, good! Now, do me a favour, Terrianne. I wish for you to spread word that we, Kings Men, bring news from the King himself. We wish for all residents of the Hurriard village to be in the Hurriard Centre in half an hour. Now, could you do that for me, Terrianne?”
“Yes, sir! I will not displease you,” I agreed.
“Good. Now if I find that you disobey my orders and do not show up tonight, there will be grave consequences.”
The other men jeered and whooped before giving their mounts a kick. They galloped towards the village leaving snow and dirt flicking up into my face.

“Momma!” I called as I race towards my house. “Momma!”
After the Kings Men had left I had gathered up my belongings and raced after them, telling everyone I passed to meet in the Centre in half an hour for news from the King. People went into nervous frenzies after they heard the news. Many ran in circles, talking to themselves as if they had forgotten how to walk in a straight line. Some muttered a curse and ran to spread the word or to gather their families. One woman sat on the ground as if dazed. I bet she got a very cold and wet bottom. I was confused, why was everyone acting as if the world was going to end?
It wasn’t my mother that came rushing out the front door to meet me, but my brother, Marsh. He grabbed my shoulders tightly, indenting his nails on my skin.
“Ouch! Let go!” I cried.
Marsh didn’t let go, but he gentled his grip. “What has happened?” he asked, looking over my shoulder to see the crowds of people rushing around as if insane. At that moment momma and pa rushed out the house and stood behind Marsh, looks of concern on both their faces.
“Kings Men have come with news,” I say, puffing from my rush to get home and warn my parents. “The King himself has sent these men especially for this cause. The Kings Men ordered me to spread the word and so I did.” I gestured behind me, “I didn’t know the people would react like this. What is going on momma? Pa?”
My parents looked at each other, their faces a mixture of concern.
Pa answered, “Whatever it is it cannot be good. Your mother and I have heard rumours of Kings Men on some sought of quest and as this is an unexpected visit we must assume the rumours are true. We must hope for the best, children.”
Momma was clinging to pa’s arm but her eyes were flicking from Marsh to me. She looked frightened and pale. Finally she glanced down at my attire and sniffed in disgust. “What have you been doing, Terrianne?” she asked, untangling herself from pa. “Come inside and change, will you?” She grabbed my hand and led me inside, whispering under her breathe about “silly child’s play” and “irresponsible girl”. I decided now was not the time to tell her about my punishment.
“Momma, the horses splashed me and kicked dirt in my face. There was nothing I could do!” I insisted. She didn’t reply, just grabbed a grubby blanket from a cupboard and placed it over my shoulders.
“This will have to do, there’s no time for anything more,” momma said. She lead me back out the door to where Marsh was waiting.
“Where’s pa?” I asked, instantly concerned.
Marsh laid a hand on my shoulder and led me towards the streets. “He’s gone to make sure everyone is prepared. He will meet us at the Centre.” I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
We made our way towards the Centre amongst the crowd of residents who lived in Hurriard with us. It’s funny how you could live in a village but not know how big the population is until everyone is called for a meeting. Not once had I seen so many people on the streets. I didn’t even know so many people even lived here.
When we got to the Centre people were already taking seats. Marsh spotted pa near the front, waving to us. We made our way slowly through the bustling throng of people, catching a stray elbow to the stomach or, in my case, the very vulnerable chest area. But we made it to pa virtually unharmed.
“There you are!” pa said, showing us to our seats… in the front row. “Just in time too!”
“Uh, pa? Do we have to sit so close to the front?” I asked nervously. I really did not want the Kings Men to torment me again.
Pa shoved my shoulder playfully. “Terrianne! Such a sourpuss!” Momma and Marsh laughed along with him. I gave a half-hearted “ha!” before settling into a seat between pa and Marsh.
Meer seconds past before the Kings Men entered the Centre, striding in as if they owned the world. Well, they pretty much did own the world, after the King of course. They were the “protectors” of the world.
I shrunk in my seat when I noticed who was in lead. Why was he always in front of the others? Why him? Why me?
Thankfully, he didn’t seem to notice me. He threw his hands into the air for silence. The people seized talking immediately.
“People of Hurriard Village, I bring you greetings from the King!” the lead man said, pacing up and down the stage, if that’s what you could call it. The other Kings Men lined up parallel to the audience, just behind pacing man. “First of all, I am Rarzah, the Kings second in demand.”
There was a gasp from the crowd. Momma clutched pa’s hand, pa grabbed mine. Marsh ran his fingers through his hair, a gesture he often did when stressed or nervous. I just sat there, trembling. How had I got on the wrong side of such an important person! I could have kicked myself if I weren’t in such an obvious place. The Kings Second in Demand was the Kings most favoured Man. It was known as an honour to be felt so highly of by the King. I wondered how many people Rarzah had murdered and tortured. I wondered what my fate would be.
“Second of all, I bring very grave news,” He didn’t look like he was about to give grave news, he looked as if he was announcing a party hosted by the King where everyone would receive free food and clothing. I wished he would wipe that evil smirk from his face. “A war has been declared! The smaller Islands wish to declare war on Giamanthier!”
What was he saying? A war? Wars didn’t exist anymore! That was all behind us! Wasn’t it? The crowd stayed silent, whether stunned or confused or scared, I did not know.
The Kings Man’s smile disappeared. This was obviously not the reaction he had hoped for. “Men from this village will have to fight!”
That got everyone moving. Women began to sob and clutch their husbands, some looked as if they would pray, but of course they didn’t; people don’t pray any more. Men shot to their feet, some yelling abuse at the Kings Men, some opening and closing their mouths like a fish, as if trying to figure out what to say. Pa was one of those men who began to yell. Of course, Rarzah’s eyes narrowed and he stormed up to pa, who stood his ground proudly. Rarzah stopped, his nose only inches from pa’s. They stared at each other for a while, the whole time I begged for him not to notice me, but eventually dad lowered his eyes, muttering an apology. Rarzah sneered again and glanced down to wear I was sitting. Damn!
“Ah, my little Terrianne! I should have known your father would behave like such a devil. Like father like daughter!” Rarzah laughed. Pa, momma and Marsh stared at me as if I’d grown another head. My cheeks burned. “I’ll see you tonight, Terrianne.” Rarzah walked back to his men and called for silence. Momma and pa gave me a horrified look before obliging to Rarzah’s orders.
“Now, my little Hurriard peoples, if you don’t mind giving me your attention I will continue in giving my news.” Everyone stayed silent. “Good, good! I have a list of soldiers,” Rarzah reach inside his coat and withdrew a role of parchment, “here on this piece of parchment. If you won’t mind checking if you’re on the list before you leave, that would be good. Soldiers leave tomorrow when the sun is at its highest. Thank you! Have a good night! I know I will,” he added, smiling at me. I shuddered.
Before leaving in an orderly fashion, Rarzah pined the parchment to the wall by the exit.
A silence, so deep it gave me goose pimples, filled the hall. It was as if everyone was afraid to move, afraid to talk, afraid to even exist. The air lay still as breathing ceased. It stayed like that for minutes, everyone unbelieving and frightened. It was my father who finally broke the spell.
“Alright people,” he said, “let’s take a look at this list and we’ll decide what to do from there. I suggest all women and children go home and wait while the men, sorry, soldiers sought something out.” Pa lowered his voice as other men kissed their wives and children, promising to see them soon. “Now, Terrianne I have no idea what you have gotten yourself into, but I pray your punishment isn’t too great. Marsh, you will look after your sister when she is due to see Rarzah.”
Marsh nodded, “Yes, pa, of course.”
Pa nodded gravely and stared into my mother’s teary gaze. “Don’t stress, my love. We will figure something out. Let’s just hope that I will not be on the list.”
Momma nodded, tears spilling down her cheeks. We all knew that it was highly possible that pa would be sent to war, though nobody said a thing.
Pa kissed momma directly on the mouth, before turning and kissing my cheek. Marsh put a hand on Pa’s shoulder, his expression openly showing fear and worry. Pa gave him a smile before joining the men already checking the list for their own names. Momma hurried us out the Centre and we walked in silence back to our house. It wasn’t much of a house really; two bedrooms, one bathroom, a kitchen and family room. Marsh and I shared a room, of course. Set only two steps from the ground, every days of rain we were flooded. Unfortunately, we couldn’t afford one of those expensive houses that stood on five metre stilts. Maybe one day we would own something so grand, but by the way taxes keep rising there was a good chance that even owning a home would be possible.
Momma went straight to the kitchen to prepare a scarce meal. Marsh and I sat on the top step outside the house. We were silent for a moment. I didn’t know what Marsh was thinking but I know what I was. I was absolutely terrified of visiting the Kings second in command before sunset, which was less than half an hour away. I think Marsh guessed my thoughts, otherwise he saw me trembling, because he wrapped a tender arm around my shoulders.
“What did you do to anger Rarzah, Terrianne? You couldn’t have picked a worse person to anger,” Marsh said, half-jokingly, shaking me.
That was all it took. I knew I had been at breaking point a moment earlier, but what Marsh had said and with his arm wrapped protectively around me, had broken through the thin barrier. I broke into a panicky sounding sob and buried my head on Marsh’s chest. He whispered kind things in my ears and crooned “shhh! Shhh!” several times. He waited patiently for me to finish my break down. Finally I drew a deep breath and answered his question.
“It was stupid, really,” I whispered, hiccoughing. “I-I-I… I forgot my manners. Well, I forgot rule number twenty seven. I disrespected Rarzah.”
Marsh contemplated my situation for a moment. “Ah, I see. I’m sure your punishment won’t be too serious, Terri.”
I looked up at him, hopefully. “Do you really think so?”
“Well, sure! I bet many people have done worse and received little punishment.”
I broke into a huge grin and through my arms around Marsh. “Thanks Marsh.”
Marsh gently withdrew from my embrace. “Come on Terri, let’s give momma a hand.”

Less than half an hour later I was standing in front of the Kings Men Hotel, Marsh by my side. I had had his hand in a vice-like grip ever since leaving momma to dwell in her nerves for me, alone, and was surprised that he had not once complained or winced. Marsh straitened his shoulders and stepped forward to knock sharply on the big wooden door twice, his other hand still encased in mine.
The door was answered quickly, not leaving any time for me to calm my thumping heart. A greying man stood before us, obviously a slave. I gasped as my eyes reached the man’s face, though I regretted it for the man gave me a look as if to say, “I know I am a piteous sight. I get that reaction all the time.” The left side of the mans face was slightly wrinkled, though I could see a deepness to him that could only be kindness. It was the right side that had had me so shocked. I had heard many stories about people born with deformities, though this was the first time I had seen one.
Half the mans’ face was darkened and scarred, his eye permanently closed. The corner of his lip was a bubble of purple-coloured boils. Above his closed eye were many mole-like bumps, all a sickly green. Looking back down his body I noticed he had only one arm, and his only hand had six fingers.
This is only mildly deformed? I thought to myself, not being able to imagine any human more ugly then this man.
The man smiled sadly. “Err yaw Terriam?” It took me a moment to realise he had asked me a question. I understood then that his tongue must also be slightly deformed.
“Um, sorry?” I asked, flushing with embarrassment.
“Err yaw Terriam?” he repeated, trying very hard to make himself sound clearer, but failing to do so. But it didn’t matter; I had understood him that time. Knowing that I would have to listen carefully, I had only just caught that he had asked if I were Terrianne.
“Yes,” I replied shakily, my nerves returning after being forgotten at the grotesque sight. “Yes, I am.”
“Farrow my pless, Terriam,” he said, again trying to speak more clearly. I stepped forward to walk into the house when the man shook his head. “Onny yew, Terriam.” I realised that Marsh had stepped forward with me. Slowly I loosened my grip, looking pleadingly at Marsh.
“I will be waiting here for you,” he said, kissing my hand before turning to find a place to sit and wait.
Taking a deep breathe I followed the man into the building. The thick door closed with a boom. There was no escape. The only way to go was forward, and so that’s where I went; following the hunched and limping form.

“Weih ‘ere,” The sad man said, taking a seat in one of the two stone chairs.
We were in a small chamber, also made of some sought of stone. I didn’t really know what I had expected, but I did think a torture chamber would be the first thing I saw. Maybe that was still to come.
I lowered myself tentatively onto the hard seat and bit back a cry as the coolness seeped through my thin attire. My hands started shaking, and so I clasped them in my lap. Thinking of a way to distract myself, I asked the man, “What is your name, sir?”
He seamed surprised by my politeness and looked at me with wide eyes for a moment. I didn’t think he would reply but finally he opened his mouth and whispered a garbled sound, “Ffffrekk.”
I thought for a moment, trying to figure out from his mumbled nonsense, what his name actually was. “Freck?” I asked. He shook his head. “Frick?” Again he shook his head, only more sadly, as if he could only hope and dream. I tried again, “Thrett?”
His eyes widened and his mouth gaped, only proving that his tongue was in fact deformed, as I had guessed. It was a giant blob of purple. Quickly, he closed his mouth again, ashamed. “Ye’” he said enthusiastically. “Ffffrekk!”
I laughed, “It is a pleasure to meet you kind sir! May I introduce myself as Terrianne, even though you already know that, Thrett?”
“Hank yew,” Thrett said, tears in his eyes. “Hank yew!”
I smiled with him as he came to the realisation that I had spoken his name in kindness and friendliness, not as a command or threat as the Kings Men would do. My smile disappeared as I remembered where I was. I couldn’t help myself, I had to ask, “Do you know what punishment I face?”
His smile changed from happy to sympathetic, but he didn’t nod or confirm my question. Instead he assured me, “Marshtah Rar’ha is no’ as terribal as he sems.”
That surprised me. Rarzah was the Kings second in command, of course he was terrible! Wasn’t he? I didn’t get time to ask if he were joking or not for one of the stone doors opened and a muscular figure stood there. Rarzah.
Thrett jumped to his feat before lowering himself down into a low bow. It must pain him to do so, but he had to obey the Kings Men Orders or else he would be better off dead. I was surprised when Thrett didn’t say anything to Rarzah. Was I not in here all because I had forgotten to greet the man? Maybe it was different for a slave.
Before I could anger Rarzah any more, I also jumped to my feet, though I did not bow. No, I did what I had done on the banks of Salt River. I gave a little curtsy and said baldly, “I am honoured to be in your presents, great Rarzah! The Kings very own second in command.”
Rarzah burst into a loud and hard laugh. “You and I both know you do not wish to be in my presents Terrianne, but nice try anyhow. Would you come in?”
Rarzah stepped aside is I walked through the doorway and into… a sleeping chamber? A very rich and posh sleeping chamber at that. My relief faded away as I realised Rarzah was capable of much more then just torture. He was capable of rape. And I had just willingly entered his bed chamber. I gulped as I turned to face my “captor” as I know thought of him. He was closing the thick door behind him, his piercing gaze on me. I looked over his shoulder to see Thrett still bowed low to the floor. I guessed he would rise as soon as the door banged close. But the heavy door didn’t bang at all, as I has suspected. I slid quietly into it’s normal position like a piece in a jigsaw puzzle. Not that I had ever played a jigsaw puzzled of course. My grandmother had, though. She said I wasn’t missing out on much. I kind of agreed. I could think of no reason why putting pieces of material together to create an image would be of any interest to anyone. Maybe it was just a tool to pass by time quickly. I looked again into Rarzah’s eyes, though they no longer pierced holes into my skin. I shivered. He was obviously getting into the mood.
“Now, Terianne,” he said, his voice as harsh as ever, “I have been thinking for a suitable punishment all day, but so far I have come up with only little things, none, I believe, good enough for your punishment. I couldn’t have anything too rough, nor could I have anything too soft. But finally, not ten minutes ago, I figured I had the perfect punishment! Come with me.”
I followed Rarzah on jelly legs as he led me towards a stone desk off to one side. He gestured for me to take a seat and I did so, thankful of the cushioned soul; much more comfortable then the hard stone seat in the smaller chamber. I wondered idly if Thrett still sat there, or bowed there. Though I hoped it weren’t the latter because no doubt he would be very saw if he stayed hunched like that far too long.
I watched as Rarzah leant over me to take hold of a small wooden box; Dark Oak, by the looks of it. Dark Oak was a very rare type of wood. The box must have cost a fortune! Unless it belonged to King Reah, of course; and that seemed the most likely. The Dark Oak was decorated with gold curls and feminine-like patterns. I was curious, yet terrified, at what may be hidden in the tiny depths.
“Pretty, isn’t it?” Rarzah whispered in my ear, his breath tickling my neck. I nodded, not trusting my voice. I gulped; Rarzah chuckled.
He pulled the box closer until it was sitting on the very edge of the stone desk. I stared at it as if seeing my own death in its hidden depths. Rarzah gently unlocked the golden lever and opened the box to reveal a red silked interior. And set in the very centre of the box was a stone the size of one of my small and bony fists. Grey and sparkling blue stroked through the pale green base colour of the smooth circular object. I sat back in the chair, realising I had unconsciously been leaning forward. I bumped my head against Rarzah’s chin, not realising that he had also leaned forward. He didn’t complain or yell as I had thought he was. He didn’t even acknowledge it, and I resisted the urge to rub the part of my head which I had hit. Rarzah reached forward, his arms encircling me, and grabbed the shiny stone in his large hands.
“Hold out your hands,” He ordered.
I did as I was told and he gently lowered the stone into my hands. It was not as heavy as I had expected it to be, though it was not light either. The surface was smooth and I slid my fingers over the surface, enjoying the texture.
I felt a sharp pain in my left thumb and gasped. Rarzah had leant over me while I was observing the stone and had slit open my skin with a small knife. Now he squeezed my thumb to draw out more blood. I was surprised when he then rubbed my finger onto the smooth stone, smearing the blood over the surface, ruining the pretty pattern.
“What are-“
“Shhh!” Rarzah hissed. “Now, close your eyes and keep both hands up holding the Stone. When your eyes are closed, I want you to clear your mind of all thought and feel the Stones influence.”
I wanted to ask what he was doing, as I had tried before. But this was my punishment, I must obey. Without looking at Rarzah, I closed my eyes and cleared my mind, thinking of nothing but the stone I held in both hands.
I was about to give up on “not-thinking”, because nothing had been happening for a few minutes now; but then I felt something. My skin felt as if there were millions of tiny creepy-crawlys crawling along it. I craved to swipe them away but my hands didn’t respond to my commands; they just tightened their grip on the beautiful stone. I began to twitch. So this was my punishment! He had gotten a stone that could paralyse me so that he could set thousands of insects on me to do as they pleased. But as my body continued to shudder, I felt the blood in my body begin to freeze. It was then that I realised that this was the stones doing. As the thousands of feat grew more intense and sharp, and my body began to vibrate unstopping, the blood in my veins slowed and grew cold; I felt my own heart shudder as it strove to beat on. I grew dizzy and faint, and was hazily aware of my head drooping as my strength gave way. Just as I thought I would pass out, my blood began to warm up, and so my heart fell to its normal rhythm. I realised my body had stopped shuddering and only every now and then my whole body would leap in an uncontrollable fit. I loosened my grip on the stone, aware that my torture was now over, when I suddenly realised I was sweating. It was hot; too hot. With a jolt I realised the stone was now heating my blood. I felt my skin burn and blister and I could not hold back the scream that filled my lungs. I screamed and screamed as my body began to shudder once again, only this time is was because of the heat. I tried again to realise the stone, but it would not allow me to. I was its toy; it would do what it liked with me.
When finally the heat from my body left I let out a tired sigh. I felt the stone being removed from my hand and then a gentle embrace lifting my slumped form from the cushioned seat. I fell into darkness.

I woke on a soft surface. I had never felt so comfortable before in my life! I moaned happily and stretched my legs out as far as they could go. That’s when the memory’s came floating back. I opened my eyes. Rarzah’s head lay inches from my own, his dark eyes searching mine. I squealed in surprise and sat bolt upright. I regretted it immediately. A stubborn and fierce ache filled my mind and I groaned, clutching my temple.
“Lay down, lovely Terrianne,” Rarzah’s rough voice said softly, well as softly as a voice like his could go. “You need your rest after all that.”
“What did you do to me?” I asked, laying back down and letting the back of his hand “caress” my cheek.
“I introduced you to the Stone of Triieze`, I do wonder if you have heard of it before?”
I shook my head, regretted it, and then said, “No… sir.”
“Ah! Children learn nothing these days! The Stone of Triieze` is an ancient device used for torture. What I have shown you today was just a mild example of what the Stone can do. The Stone can make your insides crawl, as if thousands of insects were inside you. I showed you today a version of when the insects are outside of you. I must say your torture was a much pleasanter experience then what many have dealt with. The Stone can squeeze you’re heart, pierce you’re brain enough to bring pain but no memory loss, it can prick tiny needles into your closed eyes and cause a very painful blindness. You see, Terrianne, you were lucky. Now, have a drink of water.” Rarzah helped me to sit, slowly this time. He handed me a glass of water and I accepted gratefully. I didn’t realise how dry my throat had gone. “Now Terrianne, I expect to see you back here tomorrow night, same time for a little more, ah, treatment.” He smirked.
“Are you not planning on leaving tomorrow with your soldiers?” I asked, curious.
His smirk grew. “I plan to stay in Hurriard Village for five days. Enough time, I believe, to sought some sense into you. Now, be gone! I doubt your brother will be pleased at you leaving him outside in the snow for three hours!”
Three hours!? I nodded and curtsied to Rarzah. “It was a pleasure to be in your presents, sir Rarzah. We will meet again soon.”
I felt Rarzah’s eyes on me as I walked to and opened the thick door of stone, which was as heavy as it sounds. Thrett was waiting for me.
“Ffffreck waes warreed, Terriam! Ffffreck hard Terriam screm!” Thrett mumbled with wide eyes.
“I am fine Thrett, may you show me the way out? I believe my brother is waiting in the cold,” I said, looping my arm around Thrett’s only one. Thrett nodded and lead me to the front door. I memorised the way, thinking I may need to know an escape route if it came to that.

Marsh was not happy, though I knew his anger came only from worry. He was waiting, as promised, near the stone wall that surrounded the Hotel. He was pacing along the wall clearly, agitated about my being away for over three hours. When he noticed me making my way towards him, he stormed over.
“Where have you been?” He demanded, though he knew perfectly well where I had been. I put his hands on my shoulders and checked me all over for marks of torture.
“I am fine, Marsh,” I told him, shrugging him away. “But I need rest. I am awfully tired.”
“You look… well, fine! He didn’t torture you?”
“He did, just in a way you can’t see.”
Marsh frowned at that, but I bade him to lead me home. And so he did.
It was fully dark by now, and so I took extra care on looking at where my feet where going. We made it home unscathed, though once I tripped and would have fallen if Marsh hadn’t already been holding my arm.
Momma and pa where waiting in the kitchen. Momma was hysterical. Her eyes were swollen red and her cheeks were puffy and pale.
“Oh my dear, Terrianne! You are fine, yes?” Momma leapt to her feat and grasped me in a tight hug. I gasped for a breath.
“Momma! I am fine, as you can see,” I had decided not to tell my family about the Stone of Triieze`. “But I am tired, I must sleep.”
I disentangled myself from momma’s grip but pa intercepted me before I had taken two steps.
“Terrianne, Marsh; we must talk.” Pa’s voice was calm, but I heard the silent tremble that was fighting to come out. Something was horribly wrong. I turned to listen to what pa had to say. Marsh looked as confused as I. “I am afraid that Marsh and I have been rostered on to fight as soldiers. We leave tomorrow with the other men.”
I was not sure whether it was because of my weakness from the Stone, or because the news was so shocking, but I dropped into a dead faint as soon as the last words escaped pa’s lips.
Samantha
  





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Reviews: 245
Sun Dec 04, 2011 10:30 pm
creativityrules says...



Hey, Sam! I'm Rose, and I'll be reviewing this today!

You've definitely got talent, I'll give you that. You're able to create brilliant characters and set up a story, and, most importantly, I love that you do it in a believable way. I know this is a fantasy novel and that everything won't be able to happen in real life, but that's not what I mean by believable. I mean that I identify with what you're writing; it's wonderful. That being said, I'm going to move on to the main problem I find with this piece.

In my opinion, it's way too long for a first chapter. A first chapter needs to be short enough to let the reader feel like he or she isn't making a huge commitment by reading it. It needs to give the reader a chance to test the waters, to get a handle on your writing style and your characters.

In the first chapter, it's not necessary to give every detail of your story. In fact, it's better not to. If you choose certain things to leave out, you'll leave the reader wanting more and waiting eagerly for the next chapter. If I were you, I'd go over this again and pick and choose a few select details you want to give to the reader that will allow him/her to understand your character. You can explain the story later on in the second or third.

In fact, the only other problems I see with this piece, aside from a few minor technical details, have to deal with giving too much information. If you dole out too much, what you're writing will end up feeling forced. Let me give you an example.

The heavy bright red woven wicker wastebasket teetered on the smiling brown-haired burly man's broad shoulder.


See what I mean? You didn't give too many details to this extent, of course; I simply made this up to illustrate a point. When I'm writing, it helps me to close my eyes and see the scene I'm writing about in my head; then, I select the details that the reader will want to read or that are critical to the story. For instance, if I'm writing about a haunted house, I ask myself if my readers would rather read about a vase that's sitting on a table or an enormous poisonous spider that's lurking in the corner. If I had to choose, I'd much rather write about the spider, and I'm sure people would rather read about that too.

Still, this is an awesome piece. I hope to see more of this story!

Always keep writing!

-Rose
“...it's better to feel the ache inside me like demons scratching at my heart than it is to feel numb the way a dead body feels when you touch it."

-Brian James
  








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