Young Writers Society

Marvelous, dahling, marvelous! Delightful to read. Your dialogue is very well done and your description is beautiful. The few things I did notice were pointed out by CL.

Luke continued to stare at the slowly rotating globe, the Hudson Bay dancing before his eyes. There was a creak of wooden shoes upon stone as all seventeen boys shifted, facing towards the increasingly loud raps of the cane.

I know I am being nitpicky, but the part in red seems repetitive. If Luke is facing the raps of the cane, isn't it implied that his attention is directed towards it?

The schoolmaster laughed softly, his painful wheezing echoing off of the antiquated maps and vandalized chalkboards cast off in the corners, covered in curses and sketches of anatomically incorrect women.

I think CL touched on this sentence, but the description of the chalkboards and all seemed cluttered on the adjective end. Try cutting out those dear adjectives by using more clear verbs. For instance, instead of saying 'the vandalized chalkboard', you could say 'the chalkboard, defaced with curses and sketches of anatomically incorrect women' or something to that effect (I'm sure there is a better word for defaced, but I can't think of one at the moment.)

Besides the nitpicks, I enjoyed this very much and agree with most all the suggestions given. I anticipate reading the next part of this. Nicely done and keep writing! PM me if you need anything. Toodles!

not much to say that hasn't already been said, but whatever. =P

this is pretty great writing you've got here. the globe description was fantastic!
and I love the way the teacher and the Luke interact with each other, even though I agree with this, as well:

Firestarter wrote:I think you could perhaps make it more edgy and tense too. At the moment it seems a little ... fake for an argument.

it's a very interesting story, and you tell it in a way so that it doesn't get boring.
looking forward to more!