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Broken But Not Crushed ~Chapter 3



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Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:25 am
d@ydre@mer27 says...



Chapter 3

Things began to change in Celle, small and unnoticeable in the beginning but then slowly over time they began to escalate. Signs began to appear in store shops and cafes with the inscription ''Keine Juden erlaubt!'' or ''No Jews Allowed!'' Bicycles were no longer allowed as were radios. Curfew became stricter. People disappeared, most likely fleeing from the unknown. Food became scarcer and scarcer and the people of Celle were issued ration cards with which to buy their necessities. Soldiers became more hostile, no longer mixing with the townspeople as they had before. They seemed to be preparing for something.

The very air seemed to change as well. Everyone became suspicious of one another and tensions ran high. Liesabet's father became extremely nervous and she could hear him and her mother staying up and talking late into the night and she had a fairly good idea why. It was because of her mother and her. It was common knowledge around town that if one was discovered to be Jewish, they would simply disappear as if they never existed, to where no one knew.

During this time neither Liesabet nor her mother were let out of the house barely at all per her father's direct orders. Liesabet was forced to quit school and the orchestra which had broken her heart. At her last practice she had burst into tears and was unable to play. Her friends had gathered around her to comfort her and she was grateful but it was no use.

Rory grew just as nervous as her father, coming over nearly every night to check on her. One night he appeared with a black eye and a split lip which he had tried to conceal. She demanded an explanation and he replied quietly and after much hesitation that two soldiers had told him that they knew he was having a relationship with a Jewish girl and had commanded that he tell them her name. He had of course denied it and they had beaten him up out of sight in an alleyway where no one could hear.

Tears streamed down her face and he took her into his arms to try and comfort her.
''Rory, you have to stop coming to see me'', she tried to convince him.
''A bloody lip isn't going to stop me from seeing you'', he said with determination in his voice.
''But next time it's going to be more than a bloody lip, I can't live with that Rory, I can't let you fight for me like this'', she said her voice cracking as she ran her fingertips lightly over his bruised face.
''It's not your decision to make Liesabet, it's my life. I love you'', he said gently and covered her mouth with his own preventing her from protesting any more.

As much as he tried to console and reassure her however one could not ignore the rumors that were flying about like tumbleweeds in the wind. Her family no longer knew what to believe any more. From her bedroom window she could clearly see four houses on her street with the word ''Juden'' painted in large red letters across their doors, the scarlet brush strokes dripping down like fingers of blood to the doormats. It had appeared overnight when Celle was asleep. Her father talked of moving them to Poland before it was too late but Liesabet feared that it already was. By that time not even her father left the house. Their family ran out of food yet they dared not leave. They were forced to make do with whatever they could find and what a few compassionate neighbors were able to sneak them. But then even that ceased, people were just too afraid.

Life for Liesabet's family continued on in this way for roughly two weeks. And then just when they felt something had to give, it did. Around midday on a Thursday three large trucks covered with thick green canvas pulled onto Liesabet's street. Slowly creeping to the windows, Liesabet watched as a large group of soldiers poured out of the trucks and headed for one of the houses with the painted doors. She watched with dread as they pounded savagely on the door for several minutes and then after receiving no answer it was broken down and they rushed inside.

Screaming ensued and several minutes later their neighbors were dragged from their homes and thrown into the trucks. They were allowed to take nothing with them but the clothes on their backs. Their faces were expressions of pure panic and fear. Their eyes darted about wildly searching for an escape. Several of the men did not leave quietly and were quickly beaten into submission with the end of a rifle butt. When the soldiers were finished loading the people they re-entered the homes and ransacked them taking whatever they wanted and what they didn't want was strewn out of the windows. A lifetime's worth of possessions flew through the air and settled on the streets like rubbish. Liesabet could hear a mournful wailing from the trucks and could feel something inside herself break. Feeling her mother's presence behind her she turned to bury her face in her shoulder and the two of them sobbed quietly together.

When the soldiers at long last had finished their duty and the trucks finally rattled away Liesabet's family all sat down, not knowing what else to do as panic took hold in their minds. Should they stay? Should they try to leave? Her father, sweating profusely through his shirt, declared in a shaking voice barely above a whisper that they were leaving the next morning and ordered them to pack only what was necessary. It took them a little under an hour and they sat the rest of the afternoon in silence, afraid to breath or make any sort of sound. When darkness came they dared not even light a candle.

That night Liesabet waited for Rory for hours, praying for him to come. She couldn't bear the thought of him coming back the next night to find her gone. She longed to see him one last time but he never came. At long last she gave up and while fighting back tears of disappointment, tried to get some sleep. But sleep was to evade her as she was rudely awoken sometime later to a loud thumping on the front door downstairs. She sat straight up in bed, paralyzed with fear. She could hear stirring from her parent's room and the sound of her mother beginning to weep.

She made out the figure of her father hurrying past her bedroom door hastily yanking his arms through the sleeves of his robe and going down the stairs, taking them two at a time. She crept out of bed herself and and slipped down the hallway to the top of the stairs desperate to discover what was going on. The furious knocking began again and before her father could grasp the doorknob a heavy boot connected with the door, sending it flying open and her father reeling to the floor.

Five Nazi soldiers flooded into their home and stood at attention as the man who she presumed to be in charge stalked through the door, his hob-nailed boots clicking impressively against the wooden floor. His uniform was immaculate and his officer's hat gave away his rank. A haughty sneer appeared across his face as he addressed her father. Liesabet's fingers tightened in fear on the folds of her nightgown.
''Herr Strauss, sie und Ihre Familie sind verhaftet wegen des Verdachts auf Besitz verbotene Gegenstände'', ''You and your family are under arrest on suspicion of possessing forbidden items.''
Her father tried to argue, ''We have nothing that is forbidden, Ich schwöre.''
The commandant merely kicked him in the stomach,
''Du lügst!!'', the man rasped, leaving her father gasping for breath and nodded to the men beside him who began to search the house sparing nothing.

Liesabet saw them split into two groups with one heading for the stairs. She fled to her parent's room and huddled with her mother on the bed, wrapping her arms around her and waiting for the inevitable. They could hear them downstairs slamming things around along with the tinkling sound of breaking glass which mingled with the pitiful sounds of her father begging them to leave. The sound of heavy boots treading up the stairs and down the hallway filled their hearts with dread. They stopped suddenly before the closed door and seemed to pause.

But a moment later it flew open and a soldier came bursting in stopping short when he saw the two women. He could tell immediately that Liesabet's mother was Jewish, there was nothing about her beautiful Israeli features and thick, dark wavy hair that was to say otherwise. His young face twisted to one of disgust and glee and he turned over his shoulder to shout,
''Commandant they're Juden!''

He yanked them off the bed and threw them in the direction of the stairs. Liesabet began to feel the heart-pounding panic that she had seen on her neighbor's faces only hours before and found herself feeling nauseous with bile rising to her throat.
''So ist es, wie wir vermutet, Herr Strauss you have married one of the pigs yourself!'', the irate commandant screamed as they were prodded into view and backhanded her father who was just attempting to stand. Obvious pain shone brightly in his eyes but he refused to make a sound. ''Ja this is my wife and daughter'', he spoke bravely. A grimace of distaste flickered across the officer's ugly face and the next blow her father received came from the business end of the man's pistol. Her mother gasped and tried to run to him, screaming his name but she was caught up short as the officer grasped her by the hair and whipped her to the ground, giving her a swift warning kick from his boot.
''Damn Jewish bitch.''
Liesabet stood beside the soldiers, arms at her sides as her entire body trembled with emotion and tears poured down her cheeks. Was this what hell was like?

''Commandant'', another soldier yelled from somewhere else in the house, his husky voice drawing closer and closer until he emerged down the stairs with a gloating smirk on his face and her mother's precious menorah held victoriously over his head. Liesabet's mother closed her eyes and her shoulders fell knowing at that point that all hope was lost. Teardrops slipped down her face and stained her nightgown.

After the search appeared to be over the officer nodded to the soldiers who wrenched Liesabet's mother to her feet and dragged her nearly limp body out the front door. Liesabet was next, prodded past her father whose face was bleeding heavily before she passed through the door into the darkness of the night. The smell of diesal fuel from the trucks parked nearby permeated the air. Liesabet felt herself crumbling with dread. This could not be happening.

Stumbling to the rear of the nearest one the canvas flap was torn aside revealing a myriad of weary and fearful faces. Some she recognized as neighbors, others were complete strangers. Her mother was nowhere to be seen, most likely in another of the trucks. She was hoisted up by one of the soldiers and hands reached for her, pulling her in. Through a small tear in the drab material Liesabet watched the door for any signs of her father to appear but after several moments she heard a grisly sound. A muffled cry for mercy and then a sickening crunch. Gasps arose from within the truck and Liesabet collapsed to her knees, covering her ears in an attempt to block out the awful sound, screaming her father's name.
Last edited by d@ydre@mer27 on Sat Dec 11, 2010 7:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere." ~courtesy of one of history's funniest men, Groucho Marx. ^_^
  





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Mon Nov 22, 2010 4:44 am
JazzyJumppi says...



You have great writing potential like it a lot !
One thing I noticed is that you skip to diffrent dramatic thing that happened pretty fast!Maybe try to talk about something that is happening that is not that significant and then move of to the more exciting thing that happened!Overall its a really great plot! I have always been interested about this topic that you are writing about and I'm sure other readers with enjoy it!
  





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Sun Nov 28, 2010 2:32 pm
Kiwisatsuma says...



Hi again! :D Sorry it took me so long to get round to commenting on this.

I really liked this chapter. The story's certaintly getting much more dramatic, and you created an atmosphere of fear and dread really well.

To be honest, there's not much I can think of to suggest here. XD I do think that Liesabet and Rory's relationship has progressed extremely quickly - just last chapter they were getting to know each other, and now he's confessing his love to her? I can't really believe in their relationship at this point to be honest. It feels a bit like all the parts about them falling in love have been fast-forwarded over, and here we are with them being in love. It would be nice to have more scenes with Liesabet and Rory talking in this chapter, I think. You've got a great plot set up and it could be really good with the epic love in the midst of war, and it would be nice to see their characters and relationships developing more.

I have just one nitpick:

however one could not ignore the rumors that were flying about like tumbleweeds in the wind.

I'm not sure this is really the right place to be using 'one'. Seeing as the narrative is focusing on Liesabet, wouldn't 'she' be better here? Also, while I liked a lot of the similes you used in this chapter (especially "the scarlet brush strokes dripping down like fingers of blood to the doormats") I don't think this one really fits that well. Tumbleweed to me creates an image of that grass stuff rolling in the dusty desert, suggesting somewhere desolate and dry. I would've thought it would be more appropriate here to have something that suggests fevered whisperings, uneasy tension, that kind of thing.

Overall, I'm still really enjoying this story and looking forward to reading more of it. There's a lot of description in it, which is great and really well written, but I do think it would be nice to have some more moments between the characters, especially Liesabet and Rory. It would be a shame to let all the opportunities for tragic love you have here to go to waste. :D
  





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Tue Feb 08, 2011 10:42 pm
Rascalover says...



Hey,
Thank you for requesting a review. I have noticed though that the pacing your events are way too fast, add some description to them to slow them down, and give us something tangible. I'm adding this at the beginning because I can't remember if I added it to the chapter two review; if I didn't i meant too. :) on to your review:

Things began to change in Celle, small and unnoticeable in the beginning but then slowly over time they began to escalate.

add a comma after beginning. I think for the beginning of a chapter this is a good start, but mix it up a bit. I would put the examples of the signs and bicycles after the sentence saying small and unnoticeable things; then add the slowly over time they began to esclate after to add some thing more extreme. (if this doesn't make any sense please PM me or write on my wall).

Bicycles were no longer allowed as were radios.

This sentence is a little confusing try thinking about rewording.

Food became scarcer and scarcer and the people of Celle were issued ration cards with which to buy their necessities.

Add a comma after the second scarcer to make this a complete sentence adn not a run-on.

They seemed to be preparing for something.

Perparing for something what? I suggest adding a description like something awful or something hard, something devastating.

Liesabet's father became extremely nervous and she could hear him and her mother staying up and talking late into the night and she had a fairly good idea why.

This is a run-on sentence fix it by adding a comma after nervous and replace the and after night with a semi-colon.

It was because of her mother and her.

Does Liesabet have any siblings? If so they would be in danger too.

It was common knowledge around town that if one was discovered to be Jewish, they would simply disappear as if they never existed, to where no one knew.

replace the comma after exsisted with a semi-colon.

Her friends had gathered around her to comfort her and she was grateful but it was no use.

Replace the and after comfort her with a semi-colon and place a comma after grateful.

She demanded an explanation and he replied quietly and after much hesitation that two soldiers had told him that they knew he was having a relationship with a Jewish girl and had commanded that he tell them her name.

This is a run-on sentence to fix it place a comma after explanation. Replaced the and after quietly with a comma and place a comma after hesitation.

He had of course denied it and they had beaten him up out of sight in an alleyway where no one could hear.

add a comma after denied it.

Tears streamed down her face and he took her into his arms to try and comfort her.

add a comma after her face.
Also I think you should add something in one of these beginning chapters that you didn't have to be full Jewish for the Germans to hate you because Liesabet isn't full Jewish, and I think the readers (I know i am) would be confused as to why she would be hated if she was only half Jewish.

''Rory, you have to stop coming to see me'', she tried to convince him.

the comma should be a period and it should be placed right after me.

''A bloody lip isn't going to stop me from seeing you'', he said with determination in his voice.

the comma should be directly after seeing you.

''But next time it's going to be more than a bloody lip, I can't live with that Rory, I can't let you fight for me like this'', she said her voice cracking as she ran her fingertips lightly over his bruised face.

There should be a comma after But. replace the comma after lip with a semi-colon, and replace the comma after Rory with a period. The comma after the ending quotations should be directly after this.

''It's not your decision to make Liesabet, it's my life. I love you'', he said gently and covered her mouth with his own preventing her from protesting any more.

There should be a comma after make, and the comma after Liesabet should be replaced with a semi-colon. the comma after the ending quotastions should be directly after you.

As much as he tried to console and reassure her however one could not ignore the rumors that were flying about like tumbleweeds in the wind.

The wording of this sentence is confusing, so the meaning of the sentence is unclear. Try re-wording it.

From her bedroom window she could clearly see four houses on her street with the word ''Juden'' painted in large red letters across their doors, the scarlet brush strokes dripping down like fingers of blood to the doormats.

The comma after doors should be replaced with semi-colon. I love this description, great job!

It had appeared overnight when Celle was asleep.

I love the personification of the city. :)

Her father talked of moving them to Poland before it was too late but Liesabet feared that it already was.

There should be a comma after late.

Their family ran out of food yet they dared not leave.

there should be a comma after food.

But then even that ceased, people were just too afraid.

Because we shouldn't start a sentence with a conjunction we can take but right out of this sentence. plus without the but I think it makes for a much stronger sentence.

Life for Liesabet's family continued on in this way for roughly two weeks. And then just when they felt something had to give, it did.

Replace the period after weeks with a comma and lower case the and because you shouldn't start a sentence with a conjunction.

She watched with dread as they pounded savagely on the door for several minutes and then after receiving no answer it was broken down and they rushed inside.

Replace the and after minutes with a semi-colon, and add a comma after answer and a comma after down to avoid this being a run-on sentence.

When the soldiers were finished loading the people they re-entered the homes and ransacked them taking whatever they wanted and what they didn't want was strewn out of the windows.

Add a comma after wanted.

Feeling her mother's presence behind her she turned to bury her face in her shoulder and the two of them sobbed quietly together.

add a comma after shoulder so that this isn't a run-on sentence. -

It took them a little under an hour and they sat the rest of the afternoon in silence, afraid to breath or make any sort of sound.

There should be a comma after hour.

She longed to see him one last time but he never came.

There should be a comma after time.

At long last she gave up and while fighting back tears of disappointment, tried to get some sleep. But sleep was to evade her as she was rudely awoken sometime later to a loud thumping on the front door downstairs.

replace the period after sleep with a comma and lower case But so that you aren't starting a sentence with a conjunction.

The furious knocking began again and before her father could grasp the doorknob a heavy boot connected with the door, sending it flying open and her father reeling to the floor.

There should be a comma after began again.

His uniform was immaculate and his officer's hat gave away his rank.

There should be a comma after immaculate.

''Herr Strauss, sie und Ihre Familie sind verhaftet wegen des Verdachts auf Besitz verbotene Gegenstände'', ''You and your family are under arrest on suspicion of possessing forbidden items.''

The comma should be directly after the last German word. Also, did their door have red paint on it? I thought no one knew she was half Jewish and her mother was Jewish? If her father was a german wouldn't they treat him respectively?

''Du lügst!!'', the man rasped, leaving her father gasping for breath and nodded to the men beside him who began to search the house sparing nothing.

There is no need for the extra exclamation point, one will suffice. There is, also, no need for the comma after the ending quotations because the exclamation point is the punctuation.

Buta moment later it flew open and a soldier came bursting in stopping short when he saw the two women.

There is no need dfor the conjunction at the beginning of this sentence.

He could tell immediately that Liesabet's mother was Jewish, there was nothing about her beautiful Israeli features and thick, dark wavy hair that was to say otherwise.

replace the comma after Jewish with a semi-colon.

His young face twisted to one of disgust and glee and he turned over his shoulder to shout,

There should be a comma after glee.

He yanked them off the bed and threw them in the direction of the stairs. Liesabet began to feel the heart-pounding panic that she had seen on her neighbor's faces only hours before and found herself feeling nauseous with bile rising to her throat.

Great descritpion of Liesabet's emotions.

''So ist es, wie wir vermutet, Herr Strauss you have married one of the pigs yourself!'', the irate commandant screamed as they were prodded into view and backhanded her father who was just attempting to stand.

There is no need for the comma after the ending quotations because the exclamation point is the punctuation there.

Obvious pain shone brightly in his eyes but he refused to make a sound.

There should be a comma after eyes.

''Ja this is my wife and daughter'', he spoke bravely.

There should be a comma after Ja, and the comma after the ending quotations should be directly after daughter.

A grimace of distaste flickered across the officer's ugly face and the next blow her father received came from the business end of the man's pistol.

There should be a comma after ugly face.

Her mother gasped and tried to run to him, screaming his name but she was caught up short as the officer grasped her by the hair and whipped her to the ground, giving her a swift warning kick from his boot.

There should be a comma after name.

''Commandant'', another soldier yelled from somewhere else in the house, his husky voice drawing closer and closer until he emerged down the stairs with a gloating smirk on his face and her mother's precious menorah held victoriously over his head.

The comma after the ending qoutations should be right after commandment, and there should be a comma after his face.

Liesabet's mother closed her eyes and her shoulders fell knowing at that point that all hope was lost.

there should be a comma after her eyes.

This could not be happening.

This could possibly be a thought Liesabet was thinking, if so put it in italize.

Stumbling to the rear of the nearest one the canvas flap was torn aside revealing a myriad of weary and fearful faces.

It should say the rear of the nearest truck.

She was hoisted up by one of the soldiers and hands reached for her, pulling her in.

Describe to us her fear, worry, pain, grief, the inter turmoil she is having right now. Does she show what she's feeling on the outside?

Through a small tear in the drab material Liesabet watched the door for any signs of her father to appear but after several moments she heard a grisly sound.

there should be a comma after appear.

A muffled cry for mercy and then a sickening crunch.

This is some awesome description, but it is also a fragment, and not a complete sentence. There is no verb.

Gasps arose from within the truck and Liesabet collapsed to her knees, covering her ears in an attempt to block out the awful sound, screaming her father's name.

There should be a comma after the truck. Who is screaming her fathers name? Liesabet or the sound coming from outside? And, if liesabet is the one screaming won't she get in trouble? I love this ending and the description; it puts a sick feeling in the readers gut, and makes us want to read more.

Overall: Watch out for the run-on sentences and the awkward word placement of some sentences. I think this would be a very strong novel if the grammar was correct. I know some of this is very nit-picky, but I'm just trying to help ya out. If you ever need another review please feel free to ask. I'll be sure to read the rest of this novel; I am intrigued.

keep up the good work,
Tiffany
There is nothing to writing; all you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein~ Red Smith

Who needs a review? :) http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic38078.html
  





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Sat Feb 12, 2011 4:46 am
Azila says...



Hullo! I'm back. Again, I'm sorry I took so long to get to this chapter, but hopefully you'll find it in yourself to forgive me. ^_~

I'm not going to do any nit-picky stuff, as usual, partially because I see that Rascalover has taken care of you in that department. But I do want to emphasize what I said in my last review about the punctuation rules for dialogue. Really, I highly recommend that you take them into account since it makes people less likely to respect you as a writer if your grammar is off like that. If you have any questions about it at all, I'd love a PM from you--but I really do think you should fix it.

That said, I think this novel is coming along very well. I can tell you have a clear idea of what you want to happen and (as far as I can tell, anyway) you are executing it according to plan. You did a great job of making everything feel scarily real--especially the scene when the Nazis come into her house--that was chilling. You conveyed chaos and fear and sadness as well as a certain resignation. A certain feeling that there was nothing they could do but watch their terrible future unravel. I thought that scene in particular was very well done. I also thought you did well with the part in the truck. You didn't describe the other people, only that there were a lot of them--the impersonal-ness made it feel very numb and shell-shocked, very desperate.

But even though I did like it because of all those things, there are a few points I'd like to bring up which I think could use to be addressed. The first of these issues is something that your other reviewers have been saying: you skipped over a lot of material. Basically the whole first half of the chapter (up until the Nazis come to her house) feels like a summary, and intro. You tell us what happened, but it's only information--it doesn't get your readers any closer to your characters. For example, you explain that she had to stop the orchestra and that she was upset and cried... but that's it. You mention it as though you might as well be saying that she had a jelly sandwich rather than a cheese one and she was upset about that. Basically, if you don't give emphasis to something then it doesn't feel important. Knowing what I know of Liesabet's character, she would be absolutely devastated about quitting the orchestra. So why nod dwell on that a little more? If you show us in more detail the way she responded to this, then it would help us get to know her better, and it would also help us connect to her more.

Now, this might sound to you like I'm giving you a lecture on showing vs. telling. I'm not. I've already told you that I don't think writing has to show in order to be good and I don't think all writing that tells is bad. And I definitely will never ask you to change your writing style. What I'm talking about is pacing. I've never written a novel, but I've read enough to know that even if they are long, the author can't include everything into the story line. Some details need to be told to the reader in summary or flashback. That's fine. But those are generally the parts of the novel that wouldn't be very interesting if they were written directly into the storyline. A lot of what you have cut out, on the other hand, would be very interesting to read about--at least I think so. I would love to know more about Liesabet's emotions and her relationship with Rory. The more I know about her, the more I'll connect with her.

And I think connecting with her would be really important. See, if you're going to write historical fiction about a time that is so often written about, it is going to be predictable. I knew the Nazis would come to her house before you said it because she's Jewish and I know that that's what happened to Jews. That part of the plot can't be original if you want to write a historically "correct" piece. And there's nothing wrong with that. But you're going to have to add in something that is original in order to set your novel apart from other novels about the time period. What's that something original? Easy: your character. If you really work on getting the reader close with your character, then that will instantly set this novel apart, because it's the only one that is about Liesabet Strauss. I have a feeling we will get to know her better as time goes on, but I would also like to get to know her in her "normal" life--that is, her life before the war. You did a bit of that in the first two chapters, but when you got to this one you seemed to forget about it. You seem to think that now the only important parts of the story are the "action" parts. In my opinion, you could use to add in another chapter before this one that expanded on the whole transition period--you could tell about the anxiety and tension growing in Celle, and about Liesabet having to leave the orchestra, and about using up the food in the house and not being able to get more. I think if you devoted more time to these aspects they would feel more real--and more important. Because they are important. Imagine if this was happening to you. You would think it important, right? Even if it wasn't as traumatic as what will happen to you later, it's still the beginning of the end of your world.

Basically what I'm saying is this: I understand that you know a lot about the time period, and the knowledge shows in your writing. But I still don't know if I would be that interested in reading this if I found it in a bookstore and that's because it's just a little bit dry. Yes, it's correct... but so are history books. If you want to make it be a really interesting novel from some standpoint other than a historical one, then I suggest developing your characters a little more. And don't be afraid to flesh out scenes that aren't huge turning points.

Anyhow, that's basically my only problem with this, I just had a few different ways of talking about it. All in all I think you have an excellent idea here, and it's lined up to be a great novel... but don't rush. Let yourself sink in and become absorbed in the characters. If the novel ends up a little longer than you'd hoped, who cares? It's a novel! Novels are allowed to be long. Right now it feels like you're trying to write this in as little words as possible, which means sacrificing the character development. I think that if you slowed down a little and let us get to know Liesabet a bit better, this would be pure gold.

Please, please PM me or write on my wall if you've got questions or if you just want to discuss my review or your novel or anything in between. Really, I love hearing whether my reviews help or not and if so how and if not why not--and also love discussing people's writing. So please contact me if you feel like it!

I hope this helps somewhat.

a
  








You got rid of them. Yes, that's just like you. Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World