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When Madeleine reached them, they did not exchange any words but mounted their horses quickly, commanding them at a steady canter. They found their horses full of energy, completing the trail much more quickly then they had began it. The ride itself was silent; Madeleine noticed that both Helena and the servant were glancing at her somewhat oddly. The wanted to ask about her helping the young man with the packages, but they didn't know how to go about it, Madeleine guessed. She did not want to challenge that.
“Do you think Sarah will have started to worry?” Madeleine finally asked her sister as they were approaching the premises of their estate.
“I think we should be fine.”
Helena seemed to forget about the man nearly the second after they put their horses in the stables and went back into the house, as the first thing she noticed was the overwhelming smell of food coming from the kitchen. “It smells delicious,” she told her sister. “I wonder when it will be ready.”
“I as well,” Madeleine said, who was beginning to notice how hungry she seemed to be.
“Probably soon.”
Across the hall they noticed a servant dusting a table. “You,” Madeleine called, getting her attention. “Can you go into the kitchen and tell Sarah that Helena and I are home and that we'll be in my bedroom?”
The servant nodded without saying a word. She placed the rag neatly on the table and left toward the kitchen.
“Shall we go?”
“Yes, let's,” Helena said. “Can I go into the parlor and get my blanket?”
“Sure,” Madeleine said. “I will go up to my room and you can find me there once you've gotten it. Unless,” she added jokingly, “you've forgotten where it is.”
Helena laughed a little. “I haven't been gone that long.”
Madeleine smiled in return and started toward her room. When she got in, she ran toward her bed and nearly jumped on it, embracing its warmth and comfort. She gazed up at the silk fabric,lime green in color, that was draped over the top of her bed, and she thought about everything that happened so far to her today.
Helena was home; Madeleine could still scarcely believe it. She was looking forward to spending more time with her sister in the coming weeks – just like when they were young. When she would eventually leave and go back to her husband, she wouldn't despair, because there was a baby that would make Madeleine an aunt. She did not doubt that Helena would make time to see them when her baby was born. Despite everything, however, Madeleine could not help but notice that her sister's behavior on the ride had seemed rather odd. The way she had snapped at her and yelled when she wanted to help the man; it just didn't seem like her. Helena did that way sometimes, like she was ages older then Madeleine. There was only about two and a half years of difference—Madeleine would be eighteen in April, and Helena would be twenty come December. However, it never seemed to be to that extent. Madeleine started to wonder if it was because of Helena's marriage, but the thought dropped quickly from her mind; it was not right for her to think about things like that.
Her thoughts were interrupted by Helena's entrance into the room. She was carrying her blanket in one hand and the box with the spools of thread in the other; she had a smile on her face. “I think I've decided what I would like to do with the blanket,” she said.
“What do you want to do?”
“Well,” she said, sitting down on the bed and spreading out the blanket between them. “I was thinking of pinstripes.” She started to rummage a bit through her box before finally pulling out thread that was deep maroon in color. “You see, I think I'm going to make them maroon. It will be easy to do, and it will turn out a nice neutral pattern yet will still be pretty.”
Madeleine smiled. She could visualize the finished blanket now; her sister had always been a magnificent sewer, and she could make the hardest patterns seem like nothing. Madeleine herself was alright at it, but was nothing compared to her sister. “I will trust your judgment,” she said.
“I had another idea, Madeleine,” Helena said.
“What?”
“Did I tell you that I brought my violin?”
“You want to play with me?” Madeleine could feel her face becoming hot. It was not that she didn't want to play with her sister; this was not the case at all. But she did not like doing it, for what seemed, in her mind, to be a rather frivolous reason. The fact was that her sister was much better then her; she always had been from the minute they each began playing. Playing the violin next to her sister made her feel weak and humiliated.
“Well, yes, but I had something specific in mind as well. Madeleine,” Helena said. “What would you think if we were to pick out two or three songs and practice them? When Father and George return, we can surprise them with a performance before I have to go back.”
“That might be nice,” Madeleine said. “Would you want to do this by ourselves? We might be able to get Mr. Kent to help; instead of our traditional music lessons we could have him help us practice! I'm sure that he would be very happy to see you again.”
“I wasn't thinking of that,” Helena replied, her cheeks becoming somewhat rosy. “But I do suppose that it could work. It would be just like old times; I miss taking my lessons with you.”
“Alright,” Madeleine said. “When lessons recommence on Monday, I will bring you with me. Mr. Kent could help us select what songs we want to perform.”
Helena responded by bringing her sister in a tight embrace. “Thank you, Madeleine,” she said. “I'm so glad you want to do this with me. It means a lot.”
Madeleine let escape a slight laugh; she could feel her cheeks becoming red once more. It wouldn't be that bad, she thought. She wouldn't try to let it bother her, and instead focus on the fact that they would be having fun and spending time together.

And so they did. Because it was still Saturday and lessons did not recommence until Monday, Helena brought out her violin and played a few simple, short tunes for her sister. Madeleine took out her violin and did the same; the rest of the weekend passed by lazily after that. Helena worked on her blanket and they went for two more rides with their horses.
Then Monday came and when Madeleine went to her music lesson, Mr. Kent was, just as she had guessed, happy to see Helena. They relayed their plan to him and he quickly found two perfect pieces for them to play. One was calm, soft, relaxing – almost like a lullaby. The other was slightly faster, louder and majestic. It seemed like something that would be used to salute a hero.
Once the songs had been selected, the actual lesson was a somewhat mystical experience for Madeleine; it was like taking a trip back in time. Even though what they were doing now wasn't technically considered to be a lesson, they were still playing together at the same time period they always used to. She didn't have to worry much about her sister upstaging her as it was the first time for both of them that they played the music and were still learning it.
The rest of the week passed by somewhat lazily. While Madeleine went to her morning lessons, Helena rested in her bedroom or continued to sew. They joined each other for lunch, rode their horses and then came back to go to the music lessons; in the evenings they relaxed in the parlor. By the weekend Madeleine was beginning to grow very relaxed and enjoying the simple way that they were living. Her favorite part was when they rode their horses; they would laugh, talk and just have fun. It really made Madeleine miss her sister, and each day, in the back of her mind, she knew that she would dread the day when she would have to go back.

That Saturday morning, Madeleine was alone in the parlor, reading. Helena was still sleeping – she often slept until ten-thirty or eleven. She explained that her pregnancy tired her out. Sarah had made glazed buns and had brought them into the parlor; Madeleine was just taking a bite into one when she heard the door-knocker come from the front. Someone was there. She paid no mind to it at first, figuring a servant would get it. But no one did, and the door-knocker sounded again. Madeleine sighed and got up to answer the door. Her eyebrows were raised when she realized who it was.
He was young and his hair was unkempt and light brown. His clothes were clean and unsoiled, but simple. He was carrying a white package made of the same material as before, except this time it was bigger and he carried only one instead of four. Madeleine also noticed something that she hadn't noticed about him before – his eyes. They were gray, but definitely not in an ordinary sense. They were glistening, almost silver.
“Hi.”
“Hello,” the man from the beach replied, “The candle holders are done.” He motioned to the package he was carrying. “I just came over to deliver them. Is your father home? I need to collect his payment.”
“Oh, no,” Madeleine said softly. Why hadn't she processed what he had said at the beach last week and told him that her father wouldn't be home for quite a while? “I'm sorry, no.”
“Oh,” he said blankly. “Do you know when he'll be back?”
“No.” He sighed and buried his face into the box. Instantly, Madeleine felt guilty for not telling him earlier and making him come all the way to her home for nothing. “I'm very sorry,” she said, “I should have told you before, but I just wasn't thinking.”
“It's quite alright,” he said. “What if I come back this Wednesday or Thursday? And if your father isn't back by then, we can arrange another time, alright?”
“Alright,” she said, “That sounds wonderful. However, you know what I just realized? I don't know your name.”
He laughed. “It's Matthew Simmons.”
“I like that name,” Madeleine said.
“Thank you,” Matthew said. He waved and started to head out, but then he turned back. “Would you like to see what the candle holders look like? I spent a long while making them.”
“Okay,” she said. Matthew opened the package, and instantly Madeleine was stunned. The silver had been very intricately shaped, with little floral designs stretching up the the sides. “Oh, it's beautiful. It's beautiful.”
Matthew smiled. “And soon they will be yours.”
“You're very talented, sir,” Madeleine said, noticing that her cheeks felt hot.
“Thank you,” he said, “Well, Madeleine, I must get going. Have a good day.”
“Yes,” Madeleine replied, “Good day to you, Matthew.” As he disappeared down the pathway, out the gates and into the town, Madeleine couldn't help but sigh.

Ellie.

I am here per request. I'm sure you know the drill by now, so I'll try not to blabber on. As always, if you have any questions or comments after this review, be sure to let me know.

This was a good chapter as a whole, Ellie. We got to see some more of the relationship between Helena and Madeline, plus we got to see Matthew briefly again. Another Matt/Matthew in your writing! Your grammar, like usual, was very good and there wasn't anythign noticeably wrong. I think there was the odd error, but it's nothing you won't spot when you revise this. So yeah, overall, it's looking good.

The main issue I have with this chapter is the fact that you seem to have skipped a rather lot. Because of that, the chapter had an overall telly kind of feel to it. You were telling us what Madeline did over the past few days, but we didn't really see any of it. Personally, I would have liked to have seen Madeline and Helena practicing the violin, having you show us that Helena was clearly better than her sister, instead of simply telling us earlier. You don't have to go into deep detail of what the girls did over the days, but I would have liked to have seen a few more details about them.

Another thing that may be giving this a telly, not showy feel is the fact that you aren't expressing Madeline's emotions all that much. Therefore, it kind of feels like we're being told the story without really feeling it. Please bear in mind though that this may be me just being biased. I'm not the biggest third person writing fan, so that may effect my opinion. I do think that you could have Madeline express her emotions a bit more though. At the moment, she's feeling a little stony to me right now. It may just be me, but I thought that I should bring this up. Take it with a pinch of salt though, please!

Part of the reason I think that I'm getting the feeling is because of the fact that you're skipping a few scenes, leaving out some details. We don't really get a chance to see how Madeline's feeling in all of these situations. How does she feel when she watches her sister's talent of playing the violin? How does Madeline feel when she watches her sister making the blanket? Does it make her excited to meet the baby? Maybe it even makes Madeline broody. Do you see what I'm getting at though? I personally like quite detailed novels, so I'd like it if you maybe expand on some scenes a little bit.

“Alright,” Helena said. For a minute or so it was silent, before she started crying. “I hope George is alright. I hope he sends a letter soon – oh, Madeleine, I'm afraid. I'm afraid.”

This is the only little nit-pick I have for you. One second, Helena seems fine, and then the next, she' crying. Maybe you could show us the progression of Helena's emotions. You know, show us her eyes filling with water, turning bloodshot, chewing on her lip or whatever. It's just that as it stands right now, the crying thing seemed a tad bit blunt to me.

All that this needs is a tiny bit of revision, and it culd be a really great chapter. Thanks for revewing the first part of my novel for me, Ellie, by the way! Be sure to let me know when you post the next chapter of this bcause I'll be happy to read and review it for you.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Hey, Ellie! Here to review.

“Sure,” Helena said, “That would be wonderful. May I take my blanket?”

The 'that' here shouldn't be capitalized. When you're using an interruption or whatever it's called, you don't have to capitalize the first word unless there's a period there. I think this was just a slip up however since I prowled through the rest of your dialogue and all and noticed that it's wasn't really repeated. ^^

Your chapter, as Freak has already mentioned is rather telly since you decided to skip around a lot and just tell us what she did over the few days. Either, get rid of it or go slowly and tell us some things that happened your characters that are interesting. Right now, it's kind of boring and I'm waiting for something fun to happen, something to catch my attention but it's rather bland. What you want to do is cut everything that unnecessary out. Don't pamper the little things, if your novel could do with out certain scenes and such, let them go. I know it hard since you spent so much time debating and thinking over these small scenes or whatever but unless it means something or helps your novel in some manner, release it. When I went back to revise my novel Taboo, I had to cut and delete a lot of different things that I noticed weren't very important and I could do without. Reviewers often told me some parts were boring or they skimmed over this or that so it really got me thinking, if it's unnecessary - get rid of it. I'm not going to tell you that you 'have' to do this but you can take it in as a suggestion.
You told me you wrote this during Nano, right? So maybe it was the word count that made you push your time flow and spread it out longer. I'm not so sure but it's just a thought.

Your writing is actually quite flawless when it comes to grammar and all. You know your stuff so its easy to read and there doesn't seem to be many problems. Most of it all just lies in characterization, plot and overall flow of the story. When you start a book you want to be able to feel like you have to keep turning the page. Keep us on our toes and make us keep guessing what's going to happen to your characters and all. You're not really doing that, not to me anyway. I read it, it's written well and although it's a bit more 'video-like', I still continue reading and by the end, I'm lacking that connection with the character. That little thing that makes me care about her or what happens to her. She's kind of robotic, actually. There are parts where she has personality and traits that make me smile but there are other parts which make me bored. This could just be me, I like more quirky, edgy characters with weird personalities and bad manners. I guess it's a personal opinion on what characters you decide to like and what you don't, I suppose. Maybe you should give her more emotions, I want to hear her thoughts and feelings o it brings me closer to her.

All in all, I'd try to tighten up the time line here. Don't be afraid to skip and don't think that you can't just insert a 'one week later' thing in there to skip ahead to the main story. I've seen it done many times before in good novels. It doesn't make it bad, it actually halts that 'time filler' thing that you might get if otherwise. Anyway, I'm rambling - sorry. Overall, it was a good chapter, I think the last conversation with William was a tad weird but I think it was meant that way since it seems that our protagonist has a little thing for him. *Wink, wink* Anyway, let me know if you have any questions. Hope this review helped!

-Pink

Aloha! Shall be brief. One quick nitpick!

seeing as how her husband might not come back from his mission alive, so she figured she would want to make Helena in whatever way possible?

Kill the question mark! It would work in dialogue, to add an interrogative tone to the speaker, but in narration it's somewhat gimmicky.

First of all-- the guy's name Matthew or Edward? In the summary it said Edward, and in the story Matthew. Did I misread it? If so, disregard this.

This chapter in itself is good, moving along the timeline if not the plot. It seems rather telly, as the others said, and I think that's because you mention some things that aren't so important-- jelly donuts, telling the servant to tell Sarah they'll be upstairs, things like that. It's all very small, just passing mentions of irrelevant things, but they make the pace feel a bit dragging. I also think Madeleine's blandness isn't helping. She seems perfectly nice and proper and sweet, but not very interesting, frankly. We need more bits like her jealously about the violin, although more showy-- instead of telling us her feelings, wait for when they actually play together and Madeleine feels clumsy and young next to her sister's elegant tune. Let us into Madeleine's head, and not, "She thought about...She wondered if..." Try to incorporate her thoughts within the narrative. If she misses her father, for example, say, "She trailed her fingers on her father's dusty desk, looking out the window. The sea was so large, and her father so far away" rather than "She missed him so very much".

All in all, a good installment. Just tighten your writing and make your narrator more interesting! You know the spiel-- PM me for anything, yadayada.

~Evi

This has been edited with suggestions taken into account.

Hey, Ellie! It's me again. ^^

All in all, just like chapter two, you've edited this chapter wonderfully. It's very clear that you've taken reviewers advice, especially when it comes to slowing down the pace in places. That was the biggest issue I was having last time I read this, but now, there wasn't a problem at all. It does sound more show than tell now too, so that's a great thing. I can also see that you're expressing Madeline's emotions more. That adds to the chapter as a whole, and with the help of its new pace, it's wonderful.

The only kind of critique I can think of here is that, to me, Helena seems awfully... perfect, I suppose. I think I've mentioned this before, so if I have, I'm sorry for repeating. I mean, she's great at the violin and Madeleine clearly thinks that her sister's better than her at most things. I want to see some flaws! Okay, so you had her be a bit snappy with Madeleine when they were riding and saw Matthew, but other than that, I haven't really seen Helena portrayed in a negative way. I'm not saying that you have to make her a mean character or anything, but please make sure that you start showing her flaws as well as the things that are good about her. Flaws are wonderful!

Overall, your dialogue in this was good. You have struggled in places by making some of your dialogue sound a little unrealistic, but when it comes to this latest version of chapter three, it seemed really good to me. There was one small area where I thought the dialogue sounded a bit odd though.

He laughed. “It's Matthew Simmons.”

“I like that name,” Madeleine said.

I admit that I am being picky here, but this stuck out to me. I mean, how often do people actually tell someone else that they like their name, especially when they hardly know that person? When I, for example, like a name, I'll think, hmmm, that's a nice name, or sometimes even, HOMG, that name is fricking awesome! I don't find myself literally telling that person though.

What I'd suggest for you to do is to maybe not have Madeleine tell Matthew that she likes his name exactly. You could just have her think it. If you really want her to tell him that she likes his name though, I'd usggest that you maybe don't do it as bluntly. For example, instead of just saying, I like that name, have her imply that she likes it, but not give it to him straight. Do you get what I mean?

As for grammar and phrasing, unsurprisingly, it was awesome! Your commas were where they were supposed to be, your periods were placed correctly. Basically, I didn't spot anything wrong when it came to punctuation. There was one area when it came to the phrasing where you slipped up a tiny bit.

Helena did that way sometimes, like she was ages older then Madeleine.

This sounds a bit odd, doesn't it? I think I know what you're trying to say, but it reads awkwardly. It does to me, anyway. What I'd suggest is for you to change it to something as simple as, Helena was that way sometimes, as though she was far older than Madeline. Something along those lines, anyway.

Anyway, good work, Ellie! Keep it up.

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins